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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

When men ask you to be their friend

51 replies

PuertoVallarta · 12/05/2021 05:32

I’m sure this is a common thing. I’m middle aged and work with the public. I’m outgoing and okay looking.

I’ll be making small talk with a man in public and I’ll get a vibe, like they have been starved for female attention. I can tell they want to hug me and snuggle me, not in a scary way but I’m not interested in that.

They’ll say, please be my friend. They are so needy and I have trouble explaining this but I think we are all familiar with it. Lonely men.

I don’t want to be responsible for them or their happiness or filling whatever void they have in their lives. There is also this low-level coercion thing where they are being quietly relentless, but I know they are not bad people. They’re lonely and legitimately don’t understand that women are independent humans not all waiting to be rescued and cuddled by random men.

Am I making sense? How do others navigate this? To be honest I am worried about hurting their feelings too much and pushing them over into the hateful incel/red pill/mgtow territory. Not because I’m afraid for my own safety, but because those sentiments are dangerous for society.

I understand in society we are all sort of responsible for each other’s wellbeing. I guess I’m resentful that I have to be more responsible than a man would have to be. I suppose women also have their ways of making men responsible for them.

Any of this resonate with anyone? Or is this just a problem with my personality/thought processes?

OP posts:
WatchingPaintWet · 12/05/2021 06:06

Yes, I recognise this. I'm not as nice as you, though.

I actively resent random needy men trying to emotionally manipulate me into taking care of them (however little they may frame it as such in their heads). I actively let go of the guilt about not filling that role for them and walk away. They can stew about it if they like. I am not responsible for making sure that they behave like - and treat women like - human beings. I'm not responsible for fixing their lives. I have no obligation to provide friendship or anything else that they can't get in their own terms in a reciprocal way. I have my own life to lead and things to do (they can take that as Lesson 1 of Women Are People Too!).

I also don't have any time for implicit threats, whether that's "do this or I'll kill myself", or "do this or I'll become an incel/red pill nut and become a danger to you".

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