Society feels so porn obsessed these days

Maybe Mary Whitehouse was right? Never thought I would be saying that!

She did have a point but unfortunately she was also fairly unpleasant and a bit of a bigot. Her objections to pornography were also unfortunately based on her own narrow interpretation of Christian morality

She was easy to laugh at and very difficult to admire and likely hindered far more than she helped.

Just reading this OP

www.instagram.com/p/COw2sYkL6xf/?igshid=5jx8839p54t8

I mean if the support group was how you don't need to do it then I would be support that idea but I imagine it's all about how to do it safely (why are women and girls told to bind safely, how to have anal sex safely, how to offer yourself up for the pleasure of men safely...as a PP says, do they have an OF support group for men, are men told how to be choked or tied up safely?)

Universities could consider lowering their fees so women didn't feel the need to earn money this way, if retail or bar work wasn't an option. That's what students did in my time at Uni. Bar work is work.

I would also hazard a guess that no one in that support group would have the first clue how to safeguard a woman with learning difficulties or help a woman on OF who had a traumatic and/or abusive past or how to protect them from stalkers etc and no specialist advice from anyone who knows a thing or two about how porn affects you mentally.

I bet it's a peer group where they all encourage each other to ignore or break down their own boundaries.

Yes, this is getting worse and worse.

Society as a whole struggles to talk about the sexualisation of women though. We don't have uniforms here in schools - god help you tough if you suggest that schools shouldn't accept young women wearing pretty much whatever they want no matter how porn star inspired, otherwise you are a pervert who is sexualising young women

It's like language has been turned upside down and ideas don't need to make sense.

It's funny how the sex work is aimed at women, never at how men can become rent boys.

Do connect with with the Cambridge Radical Feminist Network, I think they have joined or connected with the Oxford group and are looking to grow.

From what you've explained it sounds very much needed at Universities especially!

A sex work booth at an open day?

https://www.facebook.com/315209715873425/posts/958400718220985/?d=n

OP "Between vocal Uni societies, sex work booths on Open House days at Uni (not mine but a friend of mine attended one that had this), and leaflets from Uni that essentially are 'how to' guides on how to get into sex work, "

Oh. My. God.

Agree with pp saying about WhatsApp as brain dump. I had it and got rid of it very fast. People said "oh you can mute it" - then why should I have it?!

It's all said under the banner of feminism and women's empowerment as well which I find really irksome.

God that would make me positively rage!

I think it's possible that there is a generation of women who will be mostly lost to this, hopefully in a few years time there will see how dangerous 'sex positivity' is if it involves being coerced to accept being choked and penetrated anally on a regular basis.

I wonder if that small age difference helps you to see things more objectively. Even a couple of years can be significant...

If I was late 20s now I would like to say I'd be critical as you are but I'm not sure I would be. It's quite possible that I would be a fully signed up woke member of choice feminism, it took me a while (thank you FWR) to find radical feminism. I think I was always there really but didn't know it. I didn't know we weren't making progress until 5 years ago or so.

This is tough OP as these are your friends and you are probably surrounded. There are groups popping up though, I know of the Cambridge Radical Feminists and other around the mid-20 age who are rejecting porn and 'sex work is work'.

All I would say is it's your life, you're able to say who you want in it or not. You can leave the WhatsApp or just mute if you don't want to draw attention to your distaste on the content, you can brazen it out and say at every possible opportunity that porn is gross, prostitution is exploitation and men with sexual fetishes aren't good enough and need to do better.

Personally I think we need more kink shaming, men with a porn addiction and a casual attitude to the exploitation of women should be at the very bottom of the dating pool and women should know their worth. Strong women are sexy as hell and this kind of BS shouldn't be tolerated.

In true MN style, "No is a complete sentence."

I’ve seen this going on, more on online though, it has to be awful to live it in real life.

I’m well aware that people here don’t like asexuals, but i got to say i’m really glad i am one.
Don’t really have to bother with any of this (in a relationship i mean).

That is a great point @IvyTwines2, this sort of thing has been groomed into them for a long time. I felt I was very lucky being Gen X in that in my youth men were competing, to see how good in bed they could be - there was less of this competition between women. Solidarity again, OP.

OP- your early twenties are when you have your first real chance to explore a wide range of friendship groups through employment/volunteering/flatsharing. There could have been a sitcom written about the range of characters I encountered in my first job; it was way more varied than my university circle. So don't feel you have to hang out with these people forever.

There are many reasons I don't have a smartphone, but one of them is that you're then expected to be on WhatsApp and care about people's brain dumpage.

@H2OConnoisseur 'and other women were 'gently' giving her tips on how to work on her insecurity and jealousy issues'.

It sounds like the female equivalent of that Noel Clarke 'acting class'! You can totally see how men like him get away with it so long. I suppose 15 years ago these young women were the little girls W H Smith was selling Playboy-branded school pencil cases to.

Ah you need to be in the fucking outraged mentality, and you may not be there yet.

The sheer heat of anger, plus fear at the future for my young children, drives/allows me to say whatever I feel is the right thing, and fuck the fall out.

In my 20s I wouldn't have and tbh I wouldn't really have grasped the true horror and scale of the effect of porn on society and I wouldn't have wanted to rock the boat with friends.

That sounds awful. I'm so glad I'm 10 years older than you and none of this seems to be an issue amongst my friends/DH/his friends. I had to tell DH what only fans was recently, he'd never heard of it until I mentioned it.

Tbh I wouldn't be holding my tongue. Certainly with the female friend accusing the other one of being insecure, no fucking way. I'd say what I thought in no uncertain terms.

With the WhatsApp group, tbh I'd say what I thought as well and probably leave. Yes they might accuse you being a prude or whatever but maybe, just maybe, some of them might have pause for thought.

I dread this aspect of the world for my children. I have one of each sex and the thought of this mentality is absolutely dire for both of them.

Oh, I was considered a killjoy and weirdo at uni. It wasn't worth hanging out with those people.

OP in general my circle of friends is small because I don't want this crap in my life. I'd get off the WA group.

I find I can't make friends with men. I know NAMALT but why bother generally. The idea of a boyfriend is impossible.

I noticed this "and so many men were posting about how women are fortunate that they could get rich doing something like that"

I'd reply saying "you can too". There will be the same market for gay men I'm sure.

Sounds terrible.
I would practice saying what you believe though. I now quite am glad I did disapprove openly in the late 80s and 90s (albeit quietly because that's my style) of issues that have now flared up into CSE and Me Too. Yes a subset thought I was a miserable spoil sport. 🤷

As a bloke, I am glad that I spent my younger years in the seventies, much simpler times. Modern technology has a lot to answer for, but also the media, particularly television reality shows which seem to glorify the worst excesses of tawdry human behaviour. There is a pressure on the young (and not so young) to look a certain way - cosmetic surgery for young women, steroids for young men, the selfie culture.
Maybe Mary Whitehouse was right? Never thought I would be saying that!

This is partly why I hate the sex work is just like any other job mantra. The number of women who now work in the industry (in one way or another) is hard to get your head around - particularly for the under 30s.