Can you be a true feminist if you...?

[quote Dontknowowt]@LemonRoses What about when the baby becomes say a toddler? For example, my daughter is just turning one. Her dad is equally as good a parent as I am; the fact he is a man and I am a woman makes no difference.[/quote]
I’m not suggesting a man isn’t a good parent. They make pretty rubbish mothers though. I do believe mothering is unique and very special and should be celebrated.
My husband is an excellent father. He’ll never be a mother though and however modern it is is to suggest that man and woman are synonymous, they are not. I think we do women a disservice by trying to insist they become male like in their desire for freedom and equality. I’ve no desire to be the same as a man. I like womanhood. I don’t feel a lesser person because he earns far more than me; I believe we have earned his salary.

And another reason why I took the whole maternity was that we know DH was employed at least in part for his non maternity qualities. We knew he would be punished and possibly pushed out if we deviated from the norm and it just wouldn't be worth it, especially as we couldn't pay the mortgage on my meagre wage.

But that is another reason men don't often become sahd. Fear.

[quote Dontknowowt]@LemonRoses So what if husband leaves them without anything? This happened to me but I did marry a sly Chartered Accountant ha ha! I was grateful I hadn't given up my career as he pressured me to do so many times. I needed to work to house and feed the kids.[/quote]
I think that is nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with a failure to choose a spouse who doesn’t truly consider his wife his equal. If both parties have equal access to all family assets, nobody is left high and dry.
The man could choose to be a SAHD but that’s counterintuitive to my version of female equality. I believe mothering is as important as paid employment and deserves the same respect. Women should be valued for birthing and nurturing children well. Men can usurp motherhood, but they can neither birth nor feed. It is unique to women and needs improved status generally.

Do you think a lot of people just go through their lives ultimately planning to rely on someone else financially?

I think they're out there.
I don't think they'd self identify as feminists though.
And as a pp has pointed out, taking a break from work to care for children or families is a job someone in the family often has to do. It doesn't make sense financially for many families to pay someone else to do these duties.
In my case I already am the lower wage earner (probably sexism played a role in that- we both have similar qualifications and the same profession. DH got boosted up the ladder quicker. Many mums stay home.for physical reasons ie. breastfeeding.

Saying that, I think both DH and I would love not to have to work. But neither of us had the good sense to marry for money 😂

I not think many plan to live off others. I do think many couples believe women have a choice to work or to be supported to allow them to raise a family. Both are valid choices. The mother at home with children is working and contributing equally but differently.

The problem is not a need for women to be self sufficient but a society that doesn’t value mothering.

I suspect the number of women who choose to marry a rich man so they can give up work are few and far between. However getting married, having a family and giving up work is not the reserve solely of rich people. Becoming financially dependent on another person carries risks for rich and poor alike