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Original poster

Trans Widows Escape Committee 5: And so it continues...

983 replies

TinselAngel · 04/05/2021 21:25

Welcome to thread 5. A virtual prize for anyone who can guess the geeky sci fi reference in the thread title.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

  1. You are not alone
  2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
  3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

In four years we have gone from starting the first thread, to launching a website, to be invited to give evidence to a government inquiry, which is pretty spectacular when you think about it.

Thanks to all the women who have told their stories and particularly to those who have stuck around to help others. Thanks also to @socialworker222 who remains nice cop, to my stern cop.

Do say hello to start the thread off!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
SouthernTW · 25/05/2021 02:40

MIL doesn't know why we are divorcing or anything about the tg issue. Just like the kids. MIL just knows we are divorcing. She is extremely conservative and I don't see this going over well with her. Part of me is glad that my beloved FIL has died because what his son is doing would have killed him.

I did my best to ignore stbx as much as possible. One more day until I can return home to my peace and getting on with my life with my children.

QuinnMovesOn · 25/05/2021 01:16

@SouthernTW, I hope this "one last commitment" goes okay, and that you have some quiet time to heal before you're called upon to do anything similar again. For me, I know there will be very few times in the next few years when I'll have to interact with my ex again, and that's good.

KickingBishopBrennanUpTheArrse · 24/05/2021 20:13

Yeah the bottom line is they'll always support their little Prince/ss.

My ex in laws talked ex out of a vasectomy because he "wasn't a dog being sent to the vet to be done" and if I didn't want yet more children I should be sterilised instead, yet embraced the gender reassignment surgery and breast implants only 5 years later.

They'll always be on their side.

socialworker222 · 24/05/2021 09:37

Good luck with that Southern. Are they supportive of your ex? In-laws can be caught in a very difficult position, between 'blood is thicker than water' loyalty and a stbx daughter-in-law and grandchildren. Mine took the approach of telling me I must not divorce him, and then blaming me and the divorce, bizarrely, for the breakdown of arrangements. Not sure what they would have had me do, and I've thought about what I would do if that was my son, and I think it's perfectly possible to respectfully support both parties.

SouthernTW · 24/05/2021 00:35

I have no words that are printable.

Having to deal with the stbx and his family this weekend for one last familial commitment. Can't go into details because they are too identifying. I think I shall start playing the lottery so that I can be independently wealthy and just disappear where stbx can't find us.

QuinnMovesOn · 23/05/2021 16:27

Yes but you didn't go straight to talking
about penetration in your first post.

@TinselAngel, haha, yes, that's quite true. Sex was definitely the very last thing on my mind, far far below things like wondering just how insane my ex was going to behave and figuring out how to take care of myself and my children in all of this madness.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 23/05/2021 16:04

@QuinnMovesOn

I think it's possible she's legit and has just drunk a lot of the politically correct Kool Aid, as it were. I was like that at first, going to trans support group meetings and counseling with my ex and such. Until I realized I was just a prop in my ex's melodrama, and arranged the fastest possible divorce.
Yes but you didn't go straight to talking about penetration in your first post.
OP posts:
QuinnMovesOn · 23/05/2021 15:45

I think it's possible she's legit and has just drunk a lot of the politically correct Kool Aid, as it were. I was like that at first, going to trans support group meetings and counseling with my ex and such. Until I realized I was just a prop in my ex's melodrama, and arranged the fastest possible divorce.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 23/05/2021 13:28

@PrawnofthePatriarchy

I can't believe someone intruded on a support thread like that. Or at least I would like to have believed no one would behave so badly. The selfishness of the intruder shouts to the heavens. I'm so sorry, dear trans widows.
(Presumably) LARPing as your ex wife in order to woke scold women like her, and leave sufficient identifying information to deter her from ever joining the thread is sickeningly low in my opinion. That's narcissists for you though.
OP posts:
AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 23/05/2021 13:12

It has happened before, and I am so glad that MNHQ do seem to understand how out-of-place such people are.

My general sympathy and support for people in such a horrible position continues unabated, though I'm not at all sure how much actual use it is!

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 23/05/2021 12:57

I can't believe someone intruded on a support thread like that. Or at least I would like to have believed no one would behave so badly. The selfishness of the intruder shouts to the heavens. I'm so sorry, dear trans widows.

langclegflavoredbananamush · 23/05/2021 05:00

So sorry, the crap never stops, does it....Flowers
Tinsel and all the other Trans Widows who post here have done so much to help women like me understand what's going on a little better.
We are wishing the best for all of you and your children.

BlackeyedSusan · 22/05/2021 11:35

Flowers tinsel et al.

Datun · 21/05/2021 20:58

It is also a transparent appeal to our female socialisation to be kind and accepting, that I utterly reject. We will not be silenced by this sort of manipulation tactic as we all have many years experience of this, and similar dynamics.

Adding my support, and saying hear hear.

KickingBishopBrennanUpTheArrse · 21/05/2021 18:07

Stop cisgendering us KateB - I find it offensive.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 21/05/2021 17:14

I think an attempt to bully and force team us into thinking that the difference between us and our exes is in some way less, than the difference between us and other men, is a nasty piece of gaslighting that feels very familiar.

Anybody who thinks we should consider our exes as sisters really needs to read some trans widows stories.

I'm not surprised that somebody has come onto the thread to try this, because it is our stories that show up the idea that our exes and us (and therefore women and trans women more generally) have interests in common, as a lie.

It is also a transparent appeal to our female socialisation to be kind and accepting, that I utterly reject. We will not be silenced by this sort of manipulation tactic as we all have many years experience of this, and similar dynamics.

OP posts:
QuinnMovesOn · 21/05/2021 16:24

I am a woman. I don't care what other people decide to call themselves, but they do not get to change or rename my identity.

socialworker222 · 21/05/2021 16:02

Any poster misusing this support thread to spout anecdotal data on assaults, decide we identify as 'cis' (I sure don't), and urge 'sorority' is being offensive, insensitive, and, ah yes, oppressive. The irony.
That aside, couldn't agree more Southern about the victimhood, special status and 'normal rules not applying' to men in these situations. I find it extraordinary that women can be labelled, defined, chastized, and yes, again, oppressed while my ex-husband is not just allowed to, but celebrated in defining his own truth and lived experience. Not sure why my choosing to speak and live my own truth is different for such people. The subtitle of this thread could not be more apt. Sigh.

334bu · 21/05/2021 13:27

Have asked for them to be deleted.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 21/05/2021 13:21

@334bu

Do you wish me to remove my comment too as it references the reported comment?
I don't mind.
OP posts:
334bu · 21/05/2021 13:17

Do you wish me to remove my comment too as it references the reported comment?

Original poster
TinselAngel · 21/05/2021 13:04

We have the same oppressor.

Yes trans widows do indeed have a common oppressor.

A support thread is not the place to come onto and call us "cis", and tell us that our exes have it worse than we do.

Please desist. I have reported your comment and hope that it will be removed.

OP posts:
334bu · 21/05/2021 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

334bu · 21/05/2021 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post.

MumKateB · 21/05/2021 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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