Trans Widows Escape Committee 5: And so it continues...

@TinselAngel It's like, I'd love to speak with someone, but they'd have to guarantee my anonymity and I'm afraid (due to the fact I'm not exactly a shrinking violet), I'd say something that would be taken out of context. Something to think about...

I read...I think this is Forstater's solicitors statement? So eloquent. Gives me a bit of hope.

www.linkedin.com/pulse/forstater-judgment-what-next-peter-daly/?fbclid=IwAR09631mwZgvsuNwrD6REs5ook5Nx6WnWG71s3w_29GYBRFObxnGoUyIfeE

It's a great piece of work, and a lot of work. For our voice to be heard formally and openly is a great step forward and a counter to the mainstream media presentation of families and partners impacted by this experience. Thank you Tinsel.

@SouthernTW. I've started applying for jobs, so once I get one I'll have the talk with him. Hopefully it won't take too long, I'm going back into childcare as a preschool teacher (which I really didn't want to) and I'm betting that there won't be too much competition because usually people (mostly women) with a teaching degree go into schools, plus there's apparently a shortage of early childhood educators at the moment.

I really don't want to deal with the emotional fallout of kicking him out right now. I don't have the mental strength for it at the moment.

@themiserychick
Sorry I haven’t read other details but you should ask him to leave your parents place.
No ifs no buts

@TinselAngel, it is a really great response, thanks for sharing it here.

@themiserychick, I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time, and hope things calm down for you soon. Having a plan for getting out of the situation is a terrific first step.

Well done, @TinselAngel. I can only hope it actually is taken seriously by the "woke."

@themiserychick - how long until you can put your plan into action? How stressful for you. You shouldn't have to justify why you want to leave him.

@TinselAngel The document is brilliant, thank you so much for putting it together.

I think my "partner" really wants to "come out", but he's scared of the whatever fall out may happen because of it. He sent me a message saying how scared he is, which makes me apprehensive that he'll announce suddenly in public or something. I'm very much conflict avoidant, so I'm reluctant to bring it up with him until I'm ready. I have a plan, which involves me gaining full time employment and moving out of my parents place, and not taking him with me not just because he's trans, but also because of his long term unemployment. If he comes out before that happens, then I'll have to deal with everything on his terms, because I very much do not want to pretend I'm happy or supportive of his transition. I don't want to have to break up and have him all depressed and upset and have to deal with my parents as well. Maybe it'll all turn out to be nothing.

Despite our own very similar lived experience of domestic abuse, gaslighting and coercion and control by late transitioning husbands, it is STILL not acceptable for us to speak our truth without losing our careers and friendships and risk a visit from the police. Maya may have won her case but she's still receiving abuse across the board.

So glad to hear about the Forstater ruling, hopefully it's a sign of the culture returning to a bit more sense and balance.

Will be interesting what bearing this has on academia, as many gender critical academics are being bullied and/or silenced.

medium.com/@kathleenstock/are-academics-freely-able-to-criticise-the-idea-of-gender-identity-in-uk-universities-67b97c6e04be

I post this here because one of the most frustrating things I dealt with when going through the abuse and escalation was that I felt the feminist community I had so loved just dropped me when I didn't 'toe the party line'. But I think quite a bit of that perception was that the academics I would have looked to for guidance weren't free to speak. The lived reality of that is that I felt I had no support.

Strange times indeed when feminists can't/won't protect women, domestic abuse survivors or women's spaces.

Popping over to say Well Done, Trans Widows' Voices on your evidence to the committee and how, in these days of zoom, IT and tech beyond belief they couldn't arrange private evidence giving is beyond me. Your evidence is striking on paper: it would be even more so in person.

Just spotted on twitter that the Trans Widows response to the Select Committee has been published. That was you wasn't it @TinselAngel? You've done a great job there.

Yes, I am hopeful the Forstater ruling will have some impact on the level of crazy. What is the person on the street reaction (as opposed to what I read on Twitter and publications) to it?

Agree Southern. But it seems the tide is turning looking at other FWR boards, Stonewall and all that. It is wearying. But I have through my experiences discovered just how many people are sceptical and supportive but, like me, keep their mouths shut at work, or around people looking to bully, dominate or suppress any discussion about some of these realities.

I'm glad Oldermum that you at least can discreetly access online support and writings about this. I'm sorry you're having to tread around like this.

sigh Someone's been drinking the Kool-aid, as the Yanks would say...

More power to you ladies.

I left an online divorce support group for women because some "nonbinary" individual (biological female) stirred the pot by asking for "inclusive language" to be used. That led to a discussion of allowing in transwomen and TWAW. I don't understand why women's same sex spaces cannot be respected. Sigh. It was actually a helpful group.