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Original poster

Trans Widows Escape Committee 5: And so it continues...

983 replies

TinselAngel · 04/05/2021 21:25

Welcome to thread 5. A virtual prize for anyone who can guess the geeky sci fi reference in the thread title.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

  1. You are not alone
  2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
  3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

In four years we have gone from starting the first thread, to launching a website, to be invited to give evidence to a government inquiry, which is pretty spectacular when you think about it.

Thanks to all the women who have told their stories and particularly to those who have stuck around to help others. Thanks also to @socialworker222 who remains nice cop, to my stern cop.

Do say hello to start the thread off!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Thelnebriati · 27/06/2021 14:18

Bump

ErrolTheDragon · 26/06/2021 00:04

Can I suggest one of you makes a thread in Site Stuff, laying out the reasoning? (I've already got a thread there at the moment else I would).

SpringCrocus · 25/06/2021 23:43

Yes, get rid of the "debate" tag

Original poster
TinselAngel · 25/06/2021 23:39

@ErrolTheDragon

Hope you don't mind me sticking my head round the door...I'd have thought an obvious solution would be to remove the generally unwanted word 'debate' from this board name now they've had the good grace and sense to put Feminism: on the front.

This board will include some debate, on some threads. But it also includes support, activism, news, advice and more.

That would be my preferred option.
OP posts:
SpringCrocus · 25/06/2021 23:29

Sorry, just my opinion, as not a Trans Widow, but a GC woman who is incensed on your behalf

GAHgamel · 25/06/2021 23:12

Even just changing "debate" to "discussion" would be a start.

Flowers to you all, especially @TinselAngel, what with everything that's going on at the moment.

ErrolTheDragon · 25/06/2021 23:01

Hope you don't mind me sticking my head round the door...I'd have thought an obvious solution would be to remove the generally unwanted word 'debate' from this board name now they've had the good grace and sense to put Feminism: on the front.

This board will include some debate, on some threads. But it also includes support, activism, news, advice and more.

SpringCrocus · 25/06/2021 22:54

Everything was fine as it was. One feminism chat board, where this thread sat happily.
Now, it's a total mess.

This thread should NOT be in a "debate" section!

There is NO debate involved about this thread.
"Trans women" are natal born men, and their wives should not be expected to be forced to stay married to them, once the natal born man has transitioned.

Marriage is a contract, between the sexes AT THE POINT of signing. If one party "changes sex" (via a legal fiction)

that invalidates the original contract, then the marriage contract is void.

Any thing else is abuse.

I fully expect this to be deleted, btw 🙄

socialworker222 · 25/06/2021 22:29

Hmm. I'm really torn on this one. It would be good to be reminded of how people found us on here as it might help decide. Is it a matter of Googling 'my husband wants to be a woman or specifically ''transwidow'? Might we get diluted on Relationshios? Pondering...

FooFooFloofyFoof · 25/06/2021 21:13

How awful! How about Divorce thread or something to do with Widows support? Still prefer feminism though. No debate springs to mind!

Thelnebriati · 25/06/2021 17:03

I'm fucking furious. This is not appropriate. Mumsnet have made it clear what they think of us.
'Women's rights' is about debating sex and gender, apparently. Whereas 'Feminism' is inclusive.

Given the paucity of choice (and looking at the other goady threads) I think I'd prefer the threads to go in 'Relationships'. That board is generally about support, not debating.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 25/06/2021 16:43

@QuinnMovesOn

Do you think it would help if we did a petition of this group's membership?
I don't know, I guess it wouldn't hurt.

How strongly do we feel? It's a choice between being somewhere with "debate" in the title but where at least we know the other women have our backs, or being somewhere with a better title but where the clientele may not understand us as well. Hobson's Choice really.

OP posts:
QuinnMovesOn · 25/06/2021 16:40

Do you think it would help if we did a petition of this group's membership?

SpringCrocus · 25/06/2021 16:29

De lurking to say how wrong that decision is, @TinselAngel, and to offer support Flowers

Original poster
TinselAngel · 25/06/2021 15:19

I have asked for MNHQ to move the thread back to Feminism Chat and they have refused, and will not elaborate as to why.

They offered instead to move it to "Relationships" but that's an even worse option. I'm sorry I've not been able to fix this. Sad

OP posts:
socialworker222 · 25/06/2021 06:20

Very well put Coffee particularly about safety. The thought of argument or harassment would be very off-putting. We're watching the change of category closely.

CoffeeSonata · 24/06/2021 23:59

I know I'm generally quiet, but just popping up to say that if I'd first com across these threads under sex and gender debate, I would have never posted or continued reading. I would not have felt safe. There's enough debate with 'inclusive' friends etc who don't understand the lived reality. Enough debate at home as Tinsel says. This is not a debate about sex or gender. It's a support thread.

socialworker222 · 23/06/2021 17:24

This safe support space falls neatly under womens' rights and the last thing women seeking support here need is people arguing with them about the status of their partners and ex-partners. As Tinsel often notes, we get, or had, enough of that at home.

QuinnMovesOn · 23/06/2021 16:47

I agree. This is a support thread. We don't need "debate", which is a risk any more gaslighting by people who are not going through these traumatic experiences.

ProudExclu · 23/06/2021 00:02

@TinselAngel can it be pointed out that the Transwidow threads do not come under the heading “debate” and housing them under “sex and gender debate” makes some of us nervous that this will encourage people to interrupt and retraumatise us as I described to a disruptive poster earlier on in this thread alone.

I hope everyone is well Flowers

Original poster
TinselAngel · 22/06/2021 22:33

I agree. I have asked for the threads to be moved.

OP posts:
themiserychick · 22/06/2021 07:47

Our situations and struggles are not a debate, and I don't think that it's really part of the "debate" even though it does involve sex and gender. This thread is for support. Just imagine if a new woman who is struggling with her partner's gender issues finds this thread and sees that it's under "sex and gender debate" she may well back away thinking that it will be discussions about whether she should be supportive or not.

Feminism - about us.
Sex and gender debate - about them.

socialworker222 · 22/06/2021 07:08

Not sure many people are happy about the change chick. Good you're looking st work and your own future. You have to conserve your energies and move ahead in stages. I can understand why you're biding your time before asking him to leave. I planned to wait then couldn't stand it any more... Good luck.

themiserychick · 21/06/2021 23:55

Thanks Tinsel, great article.

I notice that this thread is now under "Sex and gender debate" rather than feminism. Not sure how I feel about that.

FooFooFloofyFoof · 21/06/2021 23:11

That's amazing Tinsel (NC because of TRA ex cyber stalking me)