Trans Widows Escape Committee 5: And so it continues...

@SouthernTW, if you haven't already, you might want to consider finding a counselor for the kids. I know my DC needed that after my ex came out to them.

Ex has "come out" on his social media and announced his "new name" and pronouns of she/her. Both my sister and friend when told said the same thing, "Why would he pick a stripper name?"

Still hasn't said anything to the kids.

@SouthernTW Congratulations on yet another step in putting this behind you. It's so tough but the other side will be so much brighter. xx

@socialworker222 I was also disturbed at my ex's focus on a very unrealistic view of femininity, beyond dressing in very OTT clothes that a woman his age would not wear. He used to talk about how how he wanted to be a 'girl' do he could 'sit around and look pretty all day'. I struggle to name any woman in his life for whom this was their reality. We all worked and many raised kids. IDK where these ideas came from. One more of the reasons I found his psychology so offensive.

@SouthernTW I'm pleased for you. Here's to a happy future.

Incidentally, there's a "guess my age" thread on style and beauty that has set my radar tingling - that hairline...

Mumsnet have confirmed it will be deleted for me Sorry again. I typed TW above but for avoidance of doubt I meant trans widows.

I posted it here because some TW have had crimes committed against them by the person they married, which will be recorded as perpetrated by a woman. I didn't mean to breach talk guidelines or cause any offence. I apologise. I have asked for it to be deleted.

Very confused to be @'d on this thread as I don't intrude here.
I think you mean well @WTF475878237NC but you might like to ask MN to delete, this is really not the place.

I know this sadly may concern some of you lovely ladies so I hope you don't mind me posting the link here.

@SeasideM- I am so glad to hear you are doing things to focus on you and your kids. That is a good starting point.

@QuinnMovesOn- I echo your resentment. I feel like that is part of the misogyny of all of this. The stunning and brave get to go play and the women in the room have to (as usual) do all the work.

One of the things I'm having trouble with is resentment that my ex is so absent as a parent. I guess i just have to reset my expectations to be extremely low.

@SouthernTW relieved for you. As others said as well I do hope you are taking care of yourself.

@socialworker222 yes the obsession with the hair removal/outfits/makeup/nails/shoes sends me up the wall. He was not sheltered from women in real life so I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the thinking that the stereotypes are the sum of womanhood. Everything he gets now has to be the over the top “girly” version. I find it extremely patronizing. Are there woman who prefer the ultra girly versions in all thing? Yeah of course. Is that ‘why’ they are women? Not in the least.

DC seems to see the self absorption. Child is young but even then you get the drift if a parent is constantly too busy to interact with you because they are in a conversation with a new friend all the time or wrapped up in you tube videos. Then he gets all confused why DC doesn’t want to do things with him. Well because DC isn’t a doll you just set aside on a shelf until you are ready.

I’m doing more things for myself/the way I want and it’s been helping. DC and I basically go about our life and if dad wants to participate in something fine but I don’t go out of my way to invite him. He’s got all the same access to information I have for school things so at around 50 he can figure it out.

@SouthernTw, glad you're feeling relieved. Please take care of yourself in the months to come... I know for me, I was so busy with managing the divorce that the real emotions didn't hit me until later.

Glad there's progress for you southern and hopefully the start of a new chapter. You may feel sad going forward, or a lot of mixed emotions. It's a huge fork in the road. Hope you are taking good care of yourself.

I'm relieved for you, Southern

Divorce is final. Not even sad, just relieved.

That emoji completely misrepresented my feelings about the “subliminals.” It was supposed to be a grin!

There was a whole little subculture around it. I saw the feminisation ones but there were loads of others too. I think what they are doing is that they’re recording subliminal hypnotic messages but somehow distorting them or speeding them up so that they can’t be consciously detected in listening, and then mixing them in to the nature sounds.
I think it was mostly teenagers in the comments, though all YouTube commenters sound like teenagers. I listened to a few out of curiosity but I don’t think it works 😁

Sorry about the censorship Southern. As Tinsel says, some people are allowed to say whatever they want and others are silenced.
You are quite right Southern to leave it to your kids to decide their view on his actions, and your instincts are probably right. My ex's position with his children has been characterized by delusion and denial throughout the process. Young people eventually work it out for themselves and they don't all decide it's cool, fine, no big deal, or that the new manifestation of their parent is someone they trust, want to be with, or feel safe with.
Mainstream media suggests all kids and young people happily embrace a transitioned parent (or would if wicked ex-partners didn't turn them against them) Misery, but as we know that's sadly not the case. I don't know if it's easier for children to accept if they are younger, or teens, but it's entirely reasonable to suggest it could adversely impact them, at best be very distressing and unpleasant, and at worst be a major loss and trauma in their lives, however unpalatable that fact is to allies of these individuals.
I too was greatly bothered by my ex's preoccupation with the hair-removal, the underwear, the skirts, the make-up, and what that might say about his view of women, and the model of 'womanhood' he presented to his daughters.
You're not the failure here; you're trying to be supportive, keep your family together, and look after children. It must be awful for you