Trans Widows Escape Committee 5: And so it continues...

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Have you spoken to a divorce lawyer yet? The "fiancé" comment makes it sound like your husband is already making plans, you should be prepared as well. Though please be aware that many of us trans widows have had to be the one to file for divorce, because our exes were "brave and stunning" enough to transition but not wanting to change the status quo of a failed marriage.

I assume from the not sharing a bed comment that you're not sexually actively with him but if you have been since he met the other man he is putting you at risk of STIs if he is engaging in anal sex with him. Definitely good to get a sexual health screening if that's the case.

Hello. My husband of 54 years who is now 78 is more sharply escalating his fetish. 'She' Sophie is on her way to spend the weekend with her fiance Rowena (also a man). He has been playing with himself in private as a woman for several years but during lockdown met Rowena on the internet and they have been spending weekends together once a month. This weekend it has escalated to him telling me he is leaving the house to meet Rowena dressed as a woman and will I help by doing up the back of his dress. Said no. His female attire is all laid out on our bed (which I do not choose to sleep in) and the female shoes are displayed by the front door. He has not previously dressed as a woman in front of me though I found a photo some years ago. At the moment I am waiting for him to go upstairs to get changed at which point I shall be out the door until I think he has gone.

I was fairly active in helping my ex move out, as I wasn't sure he would really go. It was worth my helping to move stuff just to get it out. You shouldn't have to actively do it, but taking his things to him even bit by bit may be worth your effort, just to clear it. The psychological relief of seeing it gone was immense. Stuff he forgot I just took to the charity shop. Gave me a clean slate in my home to gradually change and erase some difficult memories.

@mesamazing, ditto the advice to get your ex's belongings out of your residence as soon as possible. It is a stressor that you shouldn't need to put up with.

Regarding Tinsel's recommendation... it is possible that abandoning the storage unit's contents could damage your credit rating. I think it's a great idea otherwise.

Welcome mesamazing - it sounds like you're being really strong - I know what you mean in being triggered. I just feel revulsion now. As my son (who is bisexual so in theory fancies both sexes) says - why would anyone be attracted to someone who is so clearly mentally ill? They are repulsive.

Welcome amazing. That sounds very hard on you both. Did he move out willingly? Its good he's gone and you will now need to find a way of managing your boundaries around him and your daughters contact with him. She doesn't sound too young so hopefully she can take some control over managing that. But welcome to.a group many of whom have been there and come out the other side

mesamazing, welcome!

Hello! I am so pleased to find this place! I just left my husband of 11 years. The first 9 years were absolutely wonderful…but the last two were full of the most vile tantrums and psychological abuse. He wants to be a woman. Not that he told me that. In fact, that’s what he told my 14 year old daughter. He told me that he wanted to “just be a man in a dress who shaves his whole body.”

The change has been so difficult. He’s taking forever to move his things out, doesn’t show up when he says he will to move it. When I see him, I can’t even find the man I loved so much. This monster just isn’t him.

In the last three weeks, I’ve accomplished so much, but the man who once supported and even celebrated me is gone. My daughter is glad that my husband moved out and feels better everyday. She just wants me to be happy. We both have had the realization that now we need “trigger warnings” for seeing men who identify as women.

I was unable to find any support groups here. Everything is about “gender affirming,” yet not a single site talks about the sudden abuse and neglect women like me experience.

Thank you for being here.

Unhappy not u happy

Nothing wrong with getting your life lined up first Misery. It's important to have some security and a plan. And you have to do this when it feels manageable. If you can limit looking at his social media that may help. I did a lot of digging around and it made me u happy seeing the creepy fake double life, the party frock pictures, the fawning celebratory comments... keeping your focus on you and what you need, not the detail of his self-absorbed and delusional life, will free you.

Thanks Tinsel and Quinn. I did do some therapy, but it didn't help much. I suppose I'll just stick with what I've got.

I really need to break up with him. I saw a Reddit post where he talks about feeling joy at being called a wife and mother, which made me so angry and I had visions of me telling him in no uncertain terms that he will never be any of those things to me or my children, and other material realities that people like him often ignore.

I just don't know how or when to do it. I don't want a lot of drama, but I know he'll be devastated. My stupid anxiety makes me procrastinate badly. I'm working on applying to do casual teaching, so I've been telling myself I'll wait until I get work. Earlier today I caught myself telling myself that I'll do it after Christmas. I mean, what's another few months?

@TinselAngel

This time next year Southern you'll be one of those women who made it out the other side

Literally nobody cares about my sci-fi thread titles do they? Peasants

@TinselAngel I've spotted a horror title, will that do?

Yes. Simple and to the point. She speaks very clearly. I only bristled at the phrase 'the controversial term for a woman who hasn’t come to terms with a partner’s sex change'...

A good article. This line in particular mirrors my belief: "I'm entitled to my own history."

Misery, I also found a lot of support from an unexpected quarter: a divorce recovery group hosted by a church. They were very welcoming and helpful (and didn't mind that I'm not a practicing Christian).