“You’re a feminist? So you hate men?”

A feminist doesn’t think about men long enough to hate them.

How can equality go to far? You are either equal or you aren't.

Actually I think wit is a mistake here, you just want a one liner explaining what feminism is and why it’s better for everyone. That will get home much better than banter,

This dismissal of feminism as man-hating is so normalised that even otherwise nice men believe it.

The problem there is the word 'otherwise'. A man can be an arsehole in all kinds of single, individual, unpleasant ways and still allegedly be nice 'otherwise'. There's plenty of evidence of that all over the Relationships board. Equally, there are all kinds of unacceptable views that are normalised. It's no defence.

I usually say no just the patriarchy.

I know what you mean but that’s kind of the problem. This dismissal of feminism as man-hating is so normalised that even otherwise nice men believe it
Well, they’re not nice then, are they? Honestly, I don’t know if it’s because I’m about to be 50, but just lately I’ve found I really don’t give a shit. A year or so ago, I’d probably be like you, looking for a way to explain it to these ‘nice’ men who don’t get it. But now, I don’t care if they don’t get, their opinion is irrelevant to me. I’d be answering that question with a flat ,Yes, and walking away. I have no energy or inclination to debate with stupidity or wilful ignorance.

Yes, absolutely!

Just stare at them directly and say ‘Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them’. Just see if they try to argue, that will show you if they’re nice or not.

Tedious 🙄

Play them at their own game and give the Stoic response. No eyeroll, no sarcasm, just a plain answer;
''If you say so''.

They have a choice to accept that or continue to goad, at which point they show their hand.

'I'm a feminist because people still say things like that'

Argh. That's a red, flashing 'crashing bore' sign. At which point I smile, nod, make the excuses regarding the urgent need to take my goldfish for a walk and go find someone more interesting to talk to.

And I messed up both quotations and emoticons in my post.

Mind - there are a good number of posters who who seem determined to purse bad faith whataboutery no matter how many times other posters answer them in good faith.

There is a point at which Bunbury's guide to handling community disruption is very useful.

My serious answer would be, 'Come back when women are killing two men a week and we'll talk'.
But most of the time I can't be arsed engaging with them any more - one unexpected bonus of lockdown is that I haven't needed to.

Are we speaking of individuals or as a sex class that skews power dynamics?

Of course it's always about men. It's nothing to do with asserting the human rights of women and children and working to free everyone from the malignity of patriarchy.

I usually go for a blank astonished stare and a “I had no idea that anyone still thought that. Crikey”, then wander off shaking my head.

It’s just baiting, and I try not to go to every fight I’m invited to. Tell you what, though, I didn’t expect to get so much practice at ignoring goady eejits here on a feminist chat board! (Not you, OP 😉).

It's a tricky one. A patronising response about them being dinosaurs? Unfortunately, then you're just getting involved in reciprocal name-calling.

A good answer though, to someone who says feminism has gone too far, is to ask what they mean. How so? In what way?

The response is often the beginning of an unwitting hole digging exercise. That requires little reaction, except an eyebrow raise.

"Not all of them, but I can make an exception for you "

Honestly the "equality has gone too far" types aren't worth the energy anyway.

For me feminisim is about lifting women up, not putting men down.

I’m more alarmed by your claim that these colleagues are ‘lovely’ but ‘backlashy’. That’s not lovely, that’s misogyny. Ask them what elements of equality have ‘gone too far’? The ending of the marriage bar? The criminalisation of marital rape?

I find this so odd. It seems to be a thing with some young women these days.

I listened to a pod casts where it was alleged that all feminists not only hated men but that they simultaneously were funded by the far religious right and were all for the break up of the traditional family and celebrate single motherhood.

It was like the speaker was taking what she disliked most about either side of the political spectrum, thrown in a bit of man hate into the mix and then came up with her ultimate bogeyman(woman). Which she subsequently proudly proclaimed that she wasn’t .

Luckily there was no way to comment. I felt my fingers itch although I didn’t even know where to start with that one.

Look at the crimes against women by men vs the crimes against men by women. It's pretty clear which sex are the haters and which are the hatees.

Yeah. Not good at lying so I just smile.