Polyamory

Indeed. I read an interview with uni students recently where it was clear the students badging themselves as poly were having considerably less sex than those not badging themselves.

That makes sense.

Without naming anyone, my observation is that the relationship between an individuals 'sex appeal' and being polygamous or being a proponent of unusual relationship structures or niche sexual practices, is inversely proportional.

Was it Abigail Shrier or someone else who discovered young people were having a lot less sexual contact than they used to? And yet popular culture is ever more sexualised. It's a weird paradox.

*actually it's quite old fashioned of you... Women who opposed porn for example always used to be painted as Conservative or prudes. Despite the fact porn consumption gives men death grip problems and leads to less shagging and crap sex! Maybe some those women opposed porn cos they actually enjoyed sex - just a thought!

For anyone this works for that's absolutely great, no judgement, we all need different things from relationships. I've noted a few men on dating sites stating they were 'poly'. What I imagined from that was that it was either a euphemism for cheating on their partners, or a way for them to try their luck in being allowed to cheat on you with as many women as they wanted, but you couldn't get upset about it because they'd been upfront about it from the start. Neither of which seemed like a good deal to me.

I used to quite fancy John Craven.

If anyone wants to be poly, then it's up to them, all power to their elbow. What I find dull is those who endlessly tell me they are poly, make it a substitute for having a personality, and try to present it as somehow morally superior to monogamy.

😆😆 at Newsround. Imagine that?! How would John Craven have announced such things in the 80s?

“Come back at the same time tomorrow for another episode of Bananaman. Now, it’s time for John Craven’s Newsround.”

🎶Bi bi bi bi bi di bi bi🎶

“Hello. Kylie Minogue is now fucking Michael Hutchence. It seems she really should be so lucky .”

I couldn’t give two shits about a minor celebrity announcing their intention to shag several people, and cannot fathom how it’s worthy of an announcement and a news story on the BBC FFS.

This thread is a masterclass in reactionary conservatism.

No, it's just people with opinions about what constitutes something newsworthy and about whether polyamory would appeal to them or not. No kind of 'ism' needed. You can embrace whatever relationship style you wish, Shizuku, without any need to sneer at anyone who doesn't fancy it and doesn't see the need for you to announce it in the media.

What is the story in Polymory?

Person has multiple partners. They are bisexual. Sorry but is that actually ‘news’?

I’m sure there has ever been people like this. Yaaaaawn.

This thread is a masterclass in reactionary conservatism.

@lazylinguist I didn't say that sex wasn't involved, just that it's not the primary aim of poly. And I didn't use the phrase unfair judgment either - I said that typifying poly as being all about sex was unfair. It is. Not that there's anything wrong with wanting multiple sexual partners. Or anything wrong with being monogamous. I wasn't putting poly on a pedestal - I think it can work for some people that's all. It should be whatever setup works for the individual.

Thanks JustTurtles that does indeed sound like a good way to manage the relationships in your situations.

I was polyamorous for all of my 20s and a great deal of my 30s but I'm married with kids now 🤣🤣🤣 never heard of this person and couldn't care less who she shags tbh.

I see a lot of comments about sex but this seems to misunderstand what poly means. The meaning is in the name - many loves. Those I know who are poly are interested in having romantic or emotional connections with more than one person.

I find the idea of multiple concurrent romantic relationships far worse, more potentially damaging, more unappealing and less comprehensible than the idea of multiple concurrent sexual partners though.

Besides, a romantic relationship is essentially a sexual relationship (with rare exceptions, I guess). We love all kinds of people- our friends, family members etc. What sets so-called romantic love apart is surely the sexual element. I don't see how 'unfair judgement' comes into it - that would presuppose that it's somehow superior or more acceptable to have feelings for multiple partners, rather than just having sex with them. And I don't think that's the case.

I see a lot of comments about sex but this seems to misunderstand what poly means. The meaning is in the name - many loves. Those I know who are poly are interested in having romantic or emotional connections with more than one person. If you're just interested in having sex with more than one person you would be non-monogamous not poly. I think people still use the term open relationship if they have a primary partner but have sex with others. I think typifying poly people as just being about having multiple sex partners is unfair.

I found it extremely difficult, I think because I have quite a hierarchical cast of mind and disliked the way I ended up ranking my partners, one as more important than others. I'm sure proper poly people don't do that, though I see a lot of references to 'primary' and 'secondary' relationships and think that's pretty horrible.

I don't think there's a thing as a 'proper poly person' although some types of poly people try to push their views as somehow more authentic or moral or superior to others.

There are two broad categories or approaches to polyamory - hierarchical and non-hierarchical / egalitarian.

I don't think relationships work out well in the long-term if you are trying to mix both types. Hierarchical approaches work best if everyone involved is happy with it rather than secretly harbouring dreams of some kind of utopian dynamic where everyone is 'equal'. It's quite naive and not pragmatic in my opinion, especially when children / families are involved. Everyone has priorities and responsibilities in their lives, and hierarchical dynamics work best if those involved set clear, definite boundaries on what they are or aren't able to commit to.

I can't really see any benefits at all.

I'm slightly worried for the 'youth of today' that they could end up feeling like they have to go along with this.

mist "Good lord I thought you meant newsround for a second" so did I

I thought Will and Jada Smith were polyamorous aren't they? Sounds like Willow is just copying her parents in a thoroughly normal way, though it sounds like hard going at her age. In the 50s my mum just dated a lot as a university student, nothing was exclusive until you agreed that it was, nobody had responsibilities to each other early on.

In theory I like the idea of more than one partner and think it has potential for women, but having tried it a bit, I found it extremely difficult, I think because I have quite a hierarchical cast of mind and disliked the way I ended up ranking my partners, one as more important than others. I'm sure proper poly people don't do that, though I see a lot of references to 'primary' and 'secondary' relationships and think that's pretty horrible. Formal polyamory sounds as if you spend a lot of time negotiating, and I've never liked committee meetings.

Me too!

It very much depends tbh. I think a lot of men do go into it thinking its about having no strings attached sex with multiple women and try to shame their girlfriends if they're not being 'supportive', but I don't think they have a lot of luck with it.
The idea is meant to be that you find a relationship structure that works for you and the other individuals particular circumstances and preferences, so if you're doing it right, then yes, I think it can be great for women.
For me, I'm currently only seeing one man but he's seeing another woman too. On the surface of it, that sounds like he's got it made but both of us are single mothers, have our own homes, jobs and lives and autonomy. I don't have time, nor want to, integrate a full time boyfriend into my life. I see him when DS is at his dad and when I do have DS, I don't have to worry about my son needing to share his space or vie for my attention, or worry that I'm completely neglecting my relationship for half the week.
All three of us get a lot more space and autonomy to do what we want with our lives.
At one point I was seeing a married man whose wife was bisexual, and that allowed her to also have a girlfriend and express that side of herself.
I know most bisexual people are more than satisfied being monogamous (before someone calls me out on that) but for us, I'd usually have date night with him when she'd have date night with her girlfriend and it worked great for all of us.
It's really all about individual circumstances and wants and trying to find a way that works for everyone.
Personally, I'm only happy to have a non-mono relationship where my partner's partner wants to be poly. The examples upthread where someone is only doing it because their partner wants to would be an absolute 'no' for me. It all has to be open, honest and wanted.