Looking for GCish lesbian groups

*of Thursday night

I might have met you in the Glass Bar in the early 2000s! Very happy memories there, especially if Thursday night being singles night. Agree it’s a very sad loss.

I was also going to suggest meet-up lesbian groups. I met friends on those. You can’t guarantee a GC outlook or an absence of men, sadly, but my best tip is to choose an activity that’s really unglamorous like hiking or dog walking or something and there’s a higher chance it will actually be women only. Even if there’s a man present with activities that involve spreading out into smaller groups they can be avoided.

I recommend looking on the 'meetup' app op. There are lots of London based lesbian groups on there which are very friendly and welcoming.

A lot of the lesbian bars disappeared quite a long time before the influx of lesbians with penises. I moved away from London and the scene so I'm not sure why. We were probably much more political in the 80s and 90s, there was section 28, we couldn't get married, it was more common to be disowned by our parents, and lesbians if they had kids (and very few did IME) often lost custody. Plus there was much more of a thriving women's movement, which I think collapsed in much the same way as we have now, a lot of infighting about who was most oppressed and pressure to behave perfectly (lesbian separatism was quite a big thing amongst my friends).

Then there was the general movement toward being more consumerist in society. Candy Bar opened in Soho in 1996 and with that the rise of the "lipstick lesbian". Pride became more commercial. It may be that as areas gentrified and property got expensive that lesbians with less earning power than men found it impossible to run viable businesses.

I wonder whether this will come back though with greater politicisation. There clearly are a lot of lesbians around the place - anywhere you find radical feminists you'll find lesbians.

Oh and this is just a tad far off, but FiLiA should run its annual feminist conference this year.

LGB Alliance may have events soon.

Also, I'm told, the new Lesbian and Gay News has a subscription-only forum.

Why did you think that the mumsnet feminist board wss the place to ask for dating advice?

This thread makes me so sad and scared for my 15yo dd who told me she was gay 2 years back.

Yes, this thread is very sad...
I'm not in the OP's position but would also like to know where all the GC lesbians are because I'm in need of some like minded friends!

I only came out in the last couple of years. Contrary to the narrative that everyone is totally accepting now of gays and lesbians and we have no real problems unlike the T, I actually do find it pretty tough being a youngish lesbian woman. But I don't really have anyone that understands and it's like this huge gulf has opened up between me and all my straight female friends. I'm certainly not looking to replace them all (!) but it would be nice to have some friends with some more shared life experience and who I don't feel so different and othered around.

Gosh, this thread is so sad.

In a fairer world, it would be full of women enthusiastically offering OP recommendations for thriving pubs & clubs, where OP could go & chat up some women.

How did we find ourselves in a world where lesbians can't just say 'hello OP, I live in Anytown & Bar X is a great place to meet women' ?!

Because of the fear of being targeted by non female people who really don't like women having anything for themselves. No bars, no organisations, no ability even to chat online without (understandable) suspicion from other lesbians.

It's bloody depressing & infuriating!

OP, I really don't mean this to sound too harsh, but please do consider whether besieged lesbian communities really need newly bi curious women, who would like to experiment with their sexuallity, diluting their already endangered spaces.

This definitely used to be an issue, not sure whether it still is, but it reminded me that the way I originally met lesbians was through women's organisations, there were loads of us involved with violence against women groups, though you'd probably need to find one that isn't too corporate....

I was briefly mistaken for a man today (by a man) the women immediately recognised me as an older lesbian. did not bother me particularly and I really didn’t care that I was missexed! The current climate for lesbians is not helpful and I am really sad that women only events no longer exist thank to the men who wish to colonise them. I think networks exist but be very careful as you will be told you are transphobic if you say no to penis. I don’t understand why some people keep going on about butch women in toilets. I was around from the 70s and don’t remember this happening. Is there an agenda here? and there are loads of lesbians who do not want men in our groups . End of

OP, I really don't mean this to sound too harsh, but please do consider whether besieged lesbian communities really need newly bi curious women, who would like to experiment with their sexuallity, diluting their already endangered spaces. Lesbians feel free to shoot me down on this and I will stfu.

I think one of the differences between three 80s and now was that more of us were, at least in part, estranged from our parents, or had a difficult and distant relationship with them. That obviously still happens, but definitely not so routinely.

Sorry OP, this doesn't help you much! I think we were lucky, I was in London too and there were plenty of women only pubs and clubs that don't exist now. You could also travel around the country and find women-only nights in rooms above pubs.

You don't remember people saying butch lesbians shouldn't be allowed in toilets with their children because they are basically men?

I think - then, as now - you were just hanging out with homophobes and sexists. All the groups I was in, from activist groups to social groups, were very positive about butch women, and never would conflate them with men.

Mind you, they never would have conflated anyone with a penis, with women either, so there you go.

Do you mean the parallels with the way that they were told that they could perfectly well have sex with penises if they just made an effort?

This. If there was a like button I would have smashed it.

Yes but they were attracted to women and girls so girls weren't safe apparently. You might not remember this, it was the same for gay men.

My girlfriends were mostly butch, yes it happened, lots of crap things happened, but I can't say it really made much difference to our day to day lives, we had very strong communities in which we mostly lived outside work, and what happened elsewhere didn't have that much impact for most of us.

The woman behind giggle is very active on Twitter and is clear its biological woman only, so you should be ok there

You don't remember people saying butch lesbians shouldn't be allowed in toilets with their children because they are basically men? Lucky for you.

There was a massive issue around lesbians and custody of children, but I can't say toilets were a big problem. Butch lesbians have always been challenged, but the mistake is recognised as soon as they speak on the basis that they are actually women.