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Original poster

Could you stay married to a TRA?

395 replies

SapphosRock · 22/04/2021 15:44

She believes TWAW, their feelings are more important than women’s rights and some lesbians have penises. Get over it. She was on here once upon a time but got permanently banned.
Everything else about the relationship is wonderful. Can we get past this? It seems like a stupid reason to get divorced. Our values used to be fairly similar but she’s got heavily involved in trans activism and I have gone the other way. Sorry for the pity party, just feel quite down about it today. Has anyone else been through similar?

OP posts:
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toffeebutterpopcorn · 24/04/2021 07:47

It’s just a power trip I think. Other times they’d be bullying other people for ‘the cause’. It’s a type.

Original poster
SapphosRock · 24/04/2021 07:40

Thanks all. Yes I know about the Twitter monitors (waves). I've been indirectly threatened by them before for stepping out of line.

The lack of self awareness from some of these TRAs is astounding. Bullying allies, stalking women on Mumsnet, ruining careers, attacking LGBTQ organisations that support them. Not really sure what they're trying to achieve apart from alienating people.

OP posts:
WarriorN · 24/04/2021 07:38

I've been reading on and off; I'm so sorry to hear about the turn of events. I hope the woman is ok and your DW is too.

You're doing all the right things. I'd find it very hard indeed. I experienced something similar with DH (not GC related) and it changed our relationship though he's moved on now and is mostly on the same page.

I have to focus on forgiving (very hard!) and recognising he has his own opinions due to his own experiences.

So sorry to hear of your loss Prawn Thanks

Cwenthryth · 24/04/2021 06:53

Just caught up and really sorry to hear your update Sappho, although it’s not exactly a surprise turn of events, sadly. Give her time and philosophical space to work out her own response to what has happened to her friend (I know this is how you are approaching it). It must be absolutely bewildering to someone deeply invested in it as a key part of their self-image as a good person, when the scales start to fall and you just cannot deny the red flags any more. I’m sure most of us went through something similar to some extent or other.

I’m also sure Sappho is very well aware of our Twitter monitors and that things posted here are not private. On that note I want to say thankyou for posting anyway Sappho, and again deepest sympathy that this is affecting you so personally.

Wandawomble · 24/04/2021 01:51

Let her work it out with her friend - she will eventually come to a conclusion that sits right with her conscience eve if it takes a while. I’d imagine this thread is being monitored on Twitter so I would avoid saying anything too revealing.

Wandawomble · 24/04/2021 01:40

There’s no such thing as cis fragility - that’s appropriating the words of discrimination that other minority groups need to use, in order to manipulate and gaslight.

CardinalLolzy · 24/04/2021 00:27

Sapphos I'm only reading this thread for the first time now, but I've always appreciated your posts here - I know you've been around a while (longer than I, even?) and think you've done a great job in trying to be some kind of ally and accepting in your community without ceding your perfectly rational beliefs.

Just wanted to wish you good luck and keep talking here if it helps.

RabbitOfCaerbannog · 23/04/2021 23:47

@littlbrowndog

It’s all so classist
Lots of wealthy white men with influence and power imposing their will on women (as usual)
DisappearingGirl · 23/04/2021 23:05

I think there are nice and not-nice people on both sides of the debate (and in the middle). So yes definitely agree with the no-point-scoring.

PaleBlueMoonlight · 23/04/2021 21:15

@QuentinBunbury

Let's not derail a support thread into debating views on toilets.
Quite right. Sorry Sapphos.
littlbrowndog · 23/04/2021 21:14

It’s all so classist

littlbrowndog · 23/04/2021 21:13

Jeez what’s going in peoples lives where horrible men are hurting people in the name of gender politics

Most of us are just trying to survive the lockdown horror affecting our kids nurseries and schools and exams

And then you get this shite

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 23/04/2021 21:06

I’m obviously really upset for DW’s friend

I hope it's a brief period of heat and light and doesn't become more than a storm in a teacup.

picklemewalnuts · 23/04/2021 20:51

I'm so sorry for your wife and her friend. I'm sure she'll appreciate your quiet support.

NutellaEllaElla · 23/04/2021 20:40

There may be hope yet!

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 23/04/2021 20:39

Whatever is happening, I hope everyone is okay at the end of this.

In the frenzy of the righteous denunciations and the call-outs, it gets forgotten that there are people at the centre of dramas.

NiceGerbil · 23/04/2021 20:39

That's good. Look after your wife and obviously you'll both be keeping an eye out/ in touch with the friend and/ or the partner.

Just listen and sympathise. Let your wife talk it out.

Original poster
SapphosRock · 23/04/2021 20:37

Excellent advice. I definitely haven't said 'I told you so'. Just quietly topping up poor DW's wine glass. The friend has a supportive partner so thankfully isn't alone.

OP posts:
AdHominemNonSequitur · 23/04/2021 20:34

@QuentinBunbury

Let's not derail a support thread into debating views on toilets.
Thanks for the timely bunbury intervention. I was off on a tangent and paused and that helped.

Sappho, your wife must be feeling terrible, terrible cognitive dissonance at the moment, but only good things can come of this ultimately. One soul at a time. The later the summit comes, the harder the reconning but all will be well eventually.

nitsandwormsdodger · 23/04/2021 20:31

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest
My wife and I have different religious views often vote differently
As long as she doesn't have a dick

ArabellaScott · 23/04/2021 20:30

Hope your DW and her friend are okay. This sounds like a horrible situation. She is lucky to have you and your DW there for her.

GNCQ · 23/04/2021 20:26

Holy crap. So sorry. Sounds terrible.

zzizzer · 23/04/2021 20:23

Sorry to hear that Sappho, and I hope your wife's friend is okay.

Its bizarre how often they seem to turn on their own at the slightest provocation. Batshit crazy.

Agreed on not somehow rubbing it in - show instead that you're on the kind and logical side, rather than making her dig her heels in more for them.

PermanentTemporary · 23/04/2021 20:19

Im really sorry to hear that. I agree with NiceGerbil.

Erkrie · 23/04/2021 20:18

I hope it works out for you both. I'm sorry that happened to your wife.