Help, DS feels like a girl, confused

I'd explore what he means by 'not feeling like a boy', and if it's because he doesn't confirm to some narrow gender stereotype encourage him to understand that there's more than one way of being a boy.

OP, you've had some good advice and I'm sorry if the thread has been slightly derailed by things not related to your family. I'd second listening to the Podcast recommend by Rowantrees, I listened to it today and it almost exactly addresses your family situation. For now I'd say your son is simply at an age where he is exploring who he is and is perfectly normal, I would be careful about what both of your children are accessing on the internet though as some of it can be quite damaging to young people.

Good luck, its not an easy stage but you will get through it

Knowing what biological sex is and valuing female spaces for privacy and dignity is the more common belief. Please read posts more carefully.

In other words stop gaslighting that your fringe belief about gender is the non ideological position.

Are you suggesting that OP's son is an Offender in this situation?

Or do you not know what DARVO means?

I do know perfectly well I didn't mention the OP's son once. I was both times referring to your ridiculous suggestion as I made perfectly clear.. It appears that you don't understand what DARVO is or why I used that term about your post.

And yes, a belief that humans should be segregated based on the size of the gametes their bodies produce (or would produce if their bodies could produce gametes) is indeed ideological.

Not to mention nonsensical.

And the idea that humans should be segregated based on an inner feeling is totally logical and sensible?

Honestly, I hope it's the latter @Ereshkigalangcleg because I have a hard time thinking that a whole group of self-proclaimed feminists would tolerate this type of talk about a child.

Or do you not know what DARVO means?

Understanding child development and the immutability of sex is not ideological.

The DARVO that it is is pure gaslighting.

And yes, a belief that humans should be segregated based on the size of the gametes their bodies produce (or would produce if their bodies could produce gametes) is indeed ideological.

Don't be ridiculous. People not being convinced by a trendy, whimsical belief system revolving around the unproven idea of humans having "gendered" souls and the idea that the entirely sex based stereotypes they adhere to is more meaningful than which of the two sexes they actually are, is not an ideology.

@yeahbutnaw Both the practitioner at CAMHS & the school counsellor suggested we go privately to avoid waiting for hormones, it was the school counsellor who had only seen him for 2 x 20 mins. The nurse at CAMHS saw him for 40 mins thought he should be assessed for autism & anorexia & then on our second visit suggested going privately to a clinic. Oh yes, the one that has since been shut down.

I honestly think most early teens question their own gender and how they feel. I definitely thought I was a boy or at least wished I was at about that age. Thankfully it was the early 90s and everyone just shrugged and said 'yeah being a boy would be good in some ways but being a girl is great too' and that was that.

Like PPs have mentioned I think its connected to an apprehension about growing up, and what means for your body and social interactions. It was a 'grass is greener' life is so UNFAIR, why MEEEEE type approach that I took to everything as a 12 - 15 year old. Doesn't pretty much everyone?

Anyway good luck OP, hopefully with some open dialogue and thought provoking questions you can help him sort through some of his thoughts on the matter.

Your "belief" in people being "rushed" through the system is demonstrably false and unquestionably ideologically-driven.

Also, "affirmation" doesn't mean what you think it means in a clinical setting.

And yes, a belief that humans should be segregated based on the size of the gametes their bodies produce (or would produce if their bodies could produce gametes) is indeed ideological.

Not to mention nonsensical.

If you prioritise your ideology over your child, you probably won't have a relationship once they're old enough to leave home.

And the "affirmation only" and the "medication after 1 hour of counselling" or the "get your medication on the internet" are NOT ideological???

If you prioritise your ideology over your child, you probably won't have a relationship once they're old enough to leave home.

What an appalling thing to say to a mother whose 12 year old son has expressed some confusion in a conversation with his sister.
Understanding child development and the immutability of sex is not ideological.

@yeahbutnaw I just wanted someone to talk to him to try & find out why he suddenly wanted to change his body dramatically. I don’t think 2 x 20 minutes is long enough to decide someone should be prescribed opposite sex hormones. That was what scared me - that the only solution was hormones & surgery. I would be opposed to a child wanting breast enlargement or reduction at 16 too.

It is entirely possible for young adolescents to have a non loaded conversation about how they're now viewing the world in relation to their sex and 'gender identity'

I believe transgender trend offers a resource list for parents.

It’s entirely likely (statistically) that your son isn’t trans, but there’s lots of sane and helpful information to help you navigate this.

Typical Mumsnet.

A mother asks for support, and you all rush in to tell her that her son is wrong. This is a distressed child we're talking about. Put your ideology aside for a few minutes.

OP: Listen to your child. They might be confused. Likewise, they might be trans. Try to support them either way. If you prioritise your ideology over your child, you probably won't have a relationship once they're old enough to leave home.

Earlier this year he told me that he was now happy to be a boy (man I suppose, he’s 19!), I felt such a weight off my shoulders that he is now happy to be a gay male with long hair!

I'm so pleased for your son and you that he found contentment.