This article re women's sexuality and covid has been annoying me since I read it yesterday. In summary, they start by saying everyone thought we'd al be having loads of sex in Covid but it turns out we weren't and then it turns out that women's libidos are the reason. Then the article goes on to discuss how men's libido stays consistent throughout a relationship/time but that women's libido drops off.
These two paragraphs in particular sort of sum up how the article (and the experts the reporter is talking to) is considering the issue:
"Both start their relationship with similar honeymoonish levels of desire. But a year on and women are already disengaging. The fall in interest drops off several cliffs at the five and ten-year marks. Women are twice as likely as men to lose desire in long-term relationships. Of particular relevance to lockdown: those women living with their partners were more likely to lose interest than those in distanced long-term relationships."
"There are several ways to interpret these findings. One is that women have a limited amount of sexual drive, that they spend early on in any relationship and then the cupboard is bare. The other is that women crave sexual variety, a view that is supported by recent evolutionary theory that early human females, while pair-bonded, were frequently unfaithful in ways that maximised their offspring’s genetic advantage."
Then there's this:
"[quoting an expert on a study] "We found that when men were in a relationship with a woman they were much less likely to report masturbation. It was completely the reverse for women, who masturbated more when in a relationship with a man. The whole idea about masturbation being a substitute for partner sex, which has been around a long time, seems to be supportive for men, but for women not at all.”
"Graham says that they are not really sure why women masturbate more in heterosexual relationships, and also why they often do this in secret."
And then there's quite a lot of chat that maybe it's because the sex is bad (in a relationship).
This article has really really annoyed me. Did no one stop to think that maybe the reason women are less interested in sex is because of what's going on in the relationship? That maybe, in the early days, it's all sunshine and flowers and romantic gestures but even a year in, all those women suddenly find themselves doing more? More cleaning, more cooking, more mental thinking? We all know studies show that women in long term heterosexual relationships do more household tasks than any other group. After even just a year, I bet you that the lovely man who planned a gorgeous romantic weekend away in week 3 has already stopped thinking about all holidays and weekend breaks and it's falling on the woman? And that' before we even get to the childcare.
As for lockdown - again, studies have already told us that women were doing more. That they were bearing the brunt of the homeschooling and home management while still trying to work. That they were the ones up late at night worrying about the mental health impact on their children or dealing with the DC's tantrums and tears because they missed their friends. Men weren't doing this. So are we surprised that women didn't exactly feel like getting a little sex in ?
As for the bloody masturbation thing.... well, I can't speak for other women but maybe it's because women DO want orgasms but quite frankly, don't want the time, effort or other touch? Or even the need to think about someone else? I didn't even have to do the homeschooling thing but I can tell you that by the end of the day, I was touched out. I don't want someone touching and kissing me.
Tell me it's not just me? This entire premise that libido is completely separate from all the other stuff that goes on in life and that women's libido just mysteriously disappears blows my tiny little mind.