Male friend's opposing attitude towards women is troubling

Only exception, kids and immediate family, a bunch of literary geniuses! I'm possibly biased though.

I have never read any fiction written by a friend and been glad I did. People write appalling stuff and you can't unsee it.

I was once asked to read a script like this and made the mistake of telling the author how misogynistic it was, and how he was alienating female readers with his depictions of women. He raged at me. Ranted and ranted. Never had a reaction like it. I think he'd assumed my role was to be a sweet woman who told the big man what a genius he was. Pathetic.

He's pushing your boundaries in a variety of different ways. One of these is the far-too frequent contact, and the way he carries on haranguing you if you don't reply quickly enough for his liking.

One line crossed. Constantly sending you scripts to read, demanding a large amount of your time and attention (even if the women characters were as benign as you please), crosses line number 2.

Thirdly, the women characters are not benign, but misogynistic representations and seem to be getting worse if he's escalating into pornographic territory. He knows your views, and that very definitely crosses big fat red line number 3.

A PP said he knows exactly what he's doing, and I concur. He knows he's making you uncomfortable. It's not too much of a stretch to assume he actively likes it. (Pulsating, neon-red line with flashing red lights and bells on it for this one).

Block this creep without explanation. Ugh.

Thanks @JoodyBlue for the Benjamin Boyce/JCJ link upthread. An interesting listen, not least to hear BB airing some of his biases and exploring them with JCJ.

What have you said to him about his scripts?

I'm not sure from the posts that you have said anything but I think you should. I would have thought that the main reason to send scripts to others is to get feedback in them, and if he knows you're a feminist then perhaps he sees it as tacit approval if you haven't mentioned it?

Please do let him know, for the sake of us all. We don't want his sexist drivel coming to tv!

We are likely to cross paths at some point once lockdown ends and work in the same industry. Therefore I will just continue the slow fade & be civil in person. He may well confront me about why I have cooled off at some point. I would rather not have to have that conversation.

Just listen to yourself. He's a creep, and he intimidates you.
You owe him nothing.
If he has any power over your career, choose a different route.

For your own safety.

Clearly he hates you and is sending you these scripts knowing full well how much they will upset you, which they are. He's a misogynist who enjoys torturing you. Get rid of him before things escalate.

Stop giving him headspace. You’re spending far too much time thinking about this tosser.

The thing is that he does seem genuine in person about women and caring about their rights. I wouldn't have been friends with him for 6years if he hadn't. It hasn't seem performative if you see what I mean.

It was becoming a thing when I was at university in the late 70s/early 80s for some men to espouse feminism as a way to attract women. But they often gave themselves away by trying to tell me (and other feminists) how we should do feminist living better.

This is why I'd much rather hang out with slightly chauvinistic men; at least they're honest and you know where you stand with them And you can drop kick them with impunity if they too chauvinist & sexist.

Sounds like a covert narcissist to me.

Should’ve listened to posters on your past thread(s) and stopped wasting your valuable time and energy on this loser - you can still do that.

The thing is that he does seem genuine in person about women and caring about their rights. I wouldn't have been friends with him for 6years if he hadn't. It hasn't seem performative if you see what I mean.

People have said similar about Joss Whedon.

Look, life is short. You have a question mark about this guy. Find others to fill your life.

You are writing reams about a man who is an insensitive, sexist dickhead. I bet he's sitting there gleeful, getting off on sending you offensive stuff and imagining your reaction.

He sent you porn script, telling you to enjoy it. That's how little respect he has for you and women in general.

It's not a balanced friendship, you sound in awe of him and that's probably why you're not confident about having boundaries, and are kidding yourself that a grown man doesn't quite know what he's doing.

If you do want to continue the friendship that's fine, you know best if you can cope with him. I don't see why you can't just accept what he is however instead of talking about his good points as if that somehow cancels out misogyny or makes him decent.

'Women have very little idea of how much men hate them.'

Either he’s changed, or he finally feels comfortable telling you who he is.

But based on his pouting, and claiming wait staff fancy him, I’d say this is who he is.

Just him sharing these type of scripts and telling me to enjoy would be the end for me. No amount of nice chats in the past could make me get past this level of ick. Gross.

Don’t be daft. He’s trolling you

Just get rid of him

Can you share one of the scripts?

You are seeing the 'worst cuts' here but there have been plenty of good times in the friendship over the last 6 years.
Thing is, people rarely are only all bad and intolerable to be with. Most people have a mix of good and bad traits. He has good ones which is why you have been friends. He also has bad.
You need to decide if the bad outweigh the good , for you. It would mean also giving up the good bits about him and you can acknowledge that. But ditching him due to the insurmountable bad bits, isn't to deny the good-- it is just saying that the good isn't good enough anymore to kee things going.

I actually think he is completely ignorant to the way he is portraying women. I don't think he realises how bad it is or how he comes across.

'Accept he has changed or it has taken this long for him to show me who he really is. Neither option works for the friendship.'

I think this is it in a nutshell, Rae