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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

17 year old daughter has asked for full sex change.

109 replies

LipstickLou · 31/03/2021 06:55

DD has had lots of issues at school after an attack aged 13. Last week she tried to hurt herself claiming if I didn't support full gender reassignment she would kill herself. She has worn male clothes for 3 years and called herself by various different boy names among her friends. We now have CAMHS involvement. Last year she told me she was a girl and liked boys. I now find her boyfriend is bi sexual with a preference for boys. Her close friends are all LGBTQ. I feel she is being pressurised by these people to have operations that are irreversible. She is the youngest of the group and no longer goes to college. She has followed various YouTubers including 'Miles'. These friends are constantly in the background talking to her at 2am in the morning. I am sick with worry that she will raise the money and go abroad behind my back. I am also heartbroken. She was the queen of pink. She hit puberty at 11 and is quite top heavy which she hates. I am at my wits end. And before I am trolled my best friend is gay and I have employed a number of transgender people. Has anyone received any help for a teen such as mine DD? I really don't think she is thinking about the consequences and her father agrees.

OP posts:
NutellaEllaElla · 31/03/2021 07:34

If she refuses counselling but 'transition' treatment protocol requires 2 years of it, how does she expect to undergo a 'full sex change'?

As you say, it sounds as though her mental health is the priority here and she is suffering from the consequences of the attack. Is she under the care of a Clinical Psychologist in CAMHS? This needs pushing if not.

LipstickLou · 31/03/2021 07:31

As before. We are a mixed heritage family and a very open minded bunch. Her older brother says she is doing it to hurt me and the family. Why I do not know. I cry all the time and cannot sleep. I would like to get the little shit of a boyfriend and find out why he is encouraging her. She comes out with expressions such as 'A will love me even more when I am James'. I think it is grooming.

OP posts:
LipstickLou · 31/03/2021 07:24

We can afford private therapy but she won't go. After the attack she developed selective mutism. We don't really know what happened to her as she won't talk about it. All I know it the moment is she has to have two years of counselling before any hormones. Her mental health is not good and she is easily led. I think she is being coerced. Her boyfriend has never been seen by us but he has family money (same age).

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BluebellsGreenbells · 31/03/2021 07:23

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NowtSalamander · 31/03/2021 07:21

Hello - I’m so sorry about this. I think this new way for distressed teenagers to manifest their distress is utterly nightmarish for parents as the harms involved are so long term but our voices are shut down by the political narrative. What I would say is that you can play the long game here - try not to rise to the “full sex change surgery” thing as that is a longer term process than she might realise (you can show her the article published by BBC yesterday about waiting lists for example) so she needs to start talking about ways to manage dysphoria in the meantime. Spending her life online is not that. If you can find ways to get her off the computer then do it. I echo previous recommendations of bayswater and our duty - we are a friendly bunch and you will be able to find a lot of mutual support there. Many people are dealing with this, you are not alone.

Helleofabore · 31/03/2021 07:14

What a very stressful situation. I hope she is getting some intensive therapy in the meantime. Can you afford private psych support and choose one that will provide unbiased support without affirming only (ie. Treat the trauma from her attack and any other issues as a priority, not leave those untreated)?

GoWalkabout · 31/03/2021 07:12

I'd say you understand and are willing to look at things with her, as long as she is willing to look at evidence based recommendations because you care about her and want to keep her safe. You are on that cusp of adulthood where she will be making those decisions for herself soon enough - she needs you as a critical ally but on the same side. I suspect she will lack the confidence to push for it herself. A full sex change is an unusual choice for trans men I believe? If you are not the enemy you can ask more questions and keep her informed and hopefully safe and healthy - whatever her ultimate choices are.

LipstickLou · 31/03/2021 07:12

Thank you.

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BessyK · 31/03/2021 07:03

Hi Lipstick Lou, I'd recommend that you reach out to any of these groups - Bayswater Support, Our Duty or Parents of ROGD kids. You'll also find excellent information from Transgender Trend.

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