17 year old daughter has asked for full sex change.

I heard a really interesting point about girls and transitioning the other day....related to porn

Imagine you are female, coming into the prime of your sexuality and you see what is expected of you from porn? It is obvious how that could be overwhelming, something that you can’t bear, don’t want to be part of....and a solution is to reject the female body.

I really really think transition is not the answer. You are not being an arsehole for saying that, you are not not being supportive...it’s actually the opposite...you need to break down why the female body is being rejected

I would just like to say sending her to a wilderness camp is not the right answer. If you do minimal research you can see that children have died in places like that,and many who go become victims of emotional,sexual and physical abuse

Sorry, hit post too soon.

I was going to add... but have you considered whether a reduction (not mastectomy) would help her? At least in terms of easing her self consciousness about her bra size. Maybe it gets her a bit closer to “boyhood” in her mind, perhaps enough that she doesn’t need to go further.

Disclaimer: I’m not a MHP, and probably completely naive as to the psychology around this. It must be hugely worrying for you.

I would really recommend listening to this:

Lisa Marciano is a Jungian Analyst and really gets into the depths of this issue

I know surgery might be a pathway you don’t want to start down, but

Im sorry your child is in such distress. I really think this situation needs some sort of counselling. For me personally I feel between the ages of about 11 to 18 you change so much as a person all the time. I don't think young people should be making life-changing decisions re surgery till they are legally an adult at 18. There really is far too much peer pressure in the teen years. I definitely would seek out counselling for my child at this stage. You could perhaps sit them down, talk and tell them you are hearing them but would they agree to perhaps holding off on any surgery decision for at least 1 year and getting counselling beforehand? Then you could revisit it? I hope you find a solution, you are obviously a really caring parent.

Is she Y13? Is there a chance to go on some kind of healing retreat away from any computing/phone access, preferably after some serious counselling for the assault?
She sounds in such pain.
I wish you and your family all the best

Alex2112 I just wanted to say that I had never thought of things that way and your perspective really hit home.

Not that this issue is in any way the responsibility of intersex people to solve but I wonder if an honest discussion of those sorts of issues by people who have experienced them but - as you say - not through choice would have an impact on young people considering taking hormones.

I'm not suggesting that trans people who have taken hormones secretly consider it to be the wrong decision and are trying to trick others(!) but I do wonder if there might be a natural human tendency to play up the positives and play down the negatives of a situation where you've made the decision yourself, and I expect it would be very interesting to hear from an intersex person on the basis that they might be free of that particular bias.

Thanks for posting - you really got me thinking!

I don't think emigration is the answer, you can't run away from your demons and the internet is worldwide. But I do think that engaging in some healthy, outdoor or creative activities could help to build a better bond. Is there any art therapy in your area OP as she might enjoy that and wouldn't particularly have to talk about her experiences. I think this is going to be a long, slow process but time is on your side, a lot could change over the next couple of years.

@Hibari personal attacks are rude, hurtful and not allowed here. Reported.

@LipstickLou

I’m so sorry to hear that. Having read your updates she sounds utterly broken and completely distraught by how her life has panned out thus far.

I apologise for my ignorance but is there any way of getting her to open up about her history and her emotions? Perhaps sharing her journey may prove to be cathartic in the long run.

It sounds as though she has a very difficult relationship with men and hopes to emulate them in her own body, which whilst utterly heartbreaking, is completely understandable.

Without being dramatic I would seriously question if you could move away and take her with you and have a completely fresh start. You say she is a gifted artist, is she good enough to get into an art school/art college or take up an apprenticeship somewhere? Or at least apply. That may perhaps begin to rebuild some of her shattered confidence and self image? I would even go as far to say could you emigrate for a little while? Not ideal I know but from what you say her gender seems to be a very small part of a far greater problem.

All I can say is in this poor girl’s life she has a wonderful mother. She needs to be removed from her friends and her boyfriend.

Can you speak to a doctor/counsellor about her and outline everything you have said here and see what they advise?

My heart bleeds for your daughter, and for you.
This sadly is so common in 2021.
I have sadly been aware of a few young women feeling the same. And they have found an option of "transitioning to become male".

You heart wants to help her. Yes, you can, please help her to understand that she can live a wonderful, fertile and healthy life without cross sex hormones and mutilating surgery.

A path that would not provide her with the fantasy that she has believed is possible.

I have helped a few parents to safeguard their daughters.

I am intersex, and sadly too aware of the health implications this route can bring.

Infertility
Shorter life expectancy
Heart issues (Testosterone)
Early menopause,
Endometriosis (from testosterone)
Bone density issues
Kidney problems

She will led the life I have had, but by choice.... I can show her the reality.

The best method is to discuss her concerns about life, - could be body issues, sexuality issues.. so many... acknowledge those isssues, many just hate puberty and "being female" .. she can live a healthy life without facing those issues. taking testosterone will not solve.

Do all you can to delay the time she starts taking testosterone, even if she is binding her breasts. PLEASE delay and seek help, she will regret, and you can step in now.

You can DM me anytime, and I can help, and know other mothers I have helped and we can ALL help.

I was going to ask about a pet OP. Lovely that she has a little dog and wonderful that she is already an artist. Could she branch out into something different, to give her something new to focus on. Pottery, or something for example?

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000s2jx
Hope this link works
Dr David Bell on Woman's Hour in February.
Really nails it on the subject of how easy it is for young people to be confused about the reasons for transitioning and the responsibility we, as parents , therapists and medical professionals have to minimise a possibly misguided life -changing and irreversible procedure

OP - you can ask MNHQ to pull the post or your thread, I've reported your post to them so if you do the same they can help.

I want her to be happy. She says she isn't and she doesn't know why.

Lou Do have a listen to the podcast with Stella O' Malley. There's lots in there which appears to be potentially useful for your daughter and those who love her.
gender-a-wider-lens.captivate.fm/episode/14-the-real-ways-to-manage-gender-dysphoria

You can report your post and ask to have it removed, OP.

Your poor daughter, always an afterthought. Always coming second.

Sorry for the loss of your son

It sounds like she does need time and lots of positive attention around other things than looks and achievements. Have you room/time/money in your life to help get her into some kind of art? That can be very therapeutic.