Hadley Freeman: My sons ask if a man has ever hurt me. Not really, I lie

33 replies

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 27/03/2021 10:33

A recent YouGov survey found that 86% of women aged 18-24 in the UK have been sexually harassed. This statistic shocked me: did the other 14% not understand the question? To live in fear of harassment or assault is such a universal female experience that many of us don’t even think about it, having learned to accept it from an absurdly early age. It doesn’t break you but it shapes you, like a rock face getting battered by strong waves. This is my own story, in 10 parts.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/mar/27/my-sons-ask-if-a-man-has-ever-hurt-me-not-really-i-lie-hadley-freeman

OP posts:

SirVixofVixHall · 27/03/2021 10:56

My own list would be a lot worse than that, but then I imagine she has only put down a few incidences.
I don’t know any women who wouldn’t have multiple things to list. I have friends who have had shocking treatment by medical staff, and who have been harassed by employers (an old boss of mine once crept up to me and kissed me on the back of my neck as I was working, late in the evening with nobody else there). My list would be a mix of men I knew, and total strangers. It is enough to make me lie awake some nights, fearing for my daughters.

Original poster

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 27/03/2021 10:54

@ceilingsand

I read it this morning and, tbh, it made me do my own list. We all have them.

I inadvertently ended up with a list when completely Jessica Eaton-Taylor's survey. (I wish I'd kept my answers but in a way I was so horrified at my responses that it didn't occur to me. I'd never gone through things chronologically before.)

I ended up horrified at a list of harassment that included what were plainly crimes that were just taken for granted by everybody - including me, from very young age and up.

And one of the interesting reflections that I ended up with was that one of the senior staff in a workplace stalked me at a time when stalking wasn't a crime. The stalking was horrendous - but it probably only counts as harassment because he was using his senior position to get access to my contact details, even when I changed them. So, I didn't include this and still don't know if I should if asked to fill out a similar survey.

OP posts:

OppsUpsSide · 27/03/2021 10:49

I think she could have and should have provided a better answer than that to her boys.

TheRabbitOfCaerbannog · 27/03/2021 10:46

Yes, crushing is a good word for it 💔

ceilingsand · 27/03/2021 10:45

I read it this morning and, tbh, it made me do my own list. We all have them.

merryhouse · 27/03/2021 10:44

Also, if you're going to involve your small children in this sort of thing at all, you need to answer truthfully. It's far too easy for men and boys to think "the other sort of men do this", and knowing that the women they know have experienced it will make it closer.

Beamur · 27/03/2021 10:41

That's actually a really crushing read.
Hadley

merryhouse · 27/03/2021 10:40

Well, maybe the other 14% didn't have any of that. I certainly haven't.

I was catcalled a few times in my late teens, and a couple of stupid boys made disgusting remarks when we were all about thirteen. Does this count? Given the high percentage always quoted, I've been assuming that it does, but maybe it doesn't.

Unflip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread