It is unacceptable for me to feel that I don’t like men?

Deep if a man had experienced incident after incident at the hands of women I would absolutely understand if he felt like he didn't like them much.

Who wouldn't?

The racism analogy doesn't work because men aren't the black people in this case, they are the white people. Say a black person had suffered from and witnessed so much racism and inequality their whole life. They then said that although it wouldn't effect their outward behaviour, deep down they didn't really like white people or feel comfortable with them, and didn't feel like they really got each other or could relate. So they choose to mainly socialise with and date other black people. I'd say that was quite understandable and fine.

@NiceGerbil I agree. And OP in my convoluted way was trying to say of course it’s fine to feel how you do given experiences you’ve had.

I see it differently and a matter of mistrust and not feeling safe around most men because of personal experiences. Other pp have used the snakes or dogs analogy. I would fully expect a man to not trust women if most of his experiences with women had been negative and unsafe/abusive ones. For me it’s a safety issue and all the other stuff just exacerbates how I feel I guess. I realise it’s a complicated issue once you start considering reasons for men being the main perpetrators of violent crime etc including our collective history and toxic masculinity and there are so many factors. However, my current feeling is mistrust and boredom given previous experiences and I’m afraid nobody can argue that away from me as I remember it all.

'Misandry also leads to abuse and arrogance. And this is how it starts'

What abuse does it lead to?
When you look around the world, how is the arrogance of women who in their own heads feel like they don't like men very much, resulting in abuse of men?

This is how what starts?

Your post is strongly worded but it would be good to get some examples.

And I am not entirely comfortable with the idea that a woman who in her private thoughts, based on her experiences, thinks on the whole she doesn't like men much, but feels that isn't fair of her, and doesn't take it out on anyone, is just awful.

The man she was talking to told her with no prompting really, that feminism is crap, and feminists hate men. He didn't think it in his head, and think it's not fair, and make an effort not to let it affect anything.

He said it to her as a challenge and when she didn't say what he had indicated was the right answer, he asked her if she hated men.

Which one behaved worse? I think the man.

Regretsy

I’ve had plenty of bad experience at the hands of men,

But see it in reverse. If a man suffered abuse at the hands of his mother is it ok for him to grow up saying “I find all women hormonal and crazy and regressive ”? No, because that’s misogyny.

Unless we want to allow abused men to say these things then it makes absolutely no sense to label it as human rights to want women to be treated as seperate individuals not constricted to their biology.

@DeepThinkingGirl That’s my experience, if you’ve had different I’m happy for you, maybe there’s hope for humanity 😉

I just find most of them so boringly predictable and immature now. Like a pp said, under evolved, like cavemen.

I find opinions like this completely unhelpful in tackling the issues that are actually affecting women. Misandry also leads to abuse and arrogance. And this is how it starts

Why are some people jumping in with the word hate??
Op didnt say she hates men.
I don't think any of us have said we do.
There's a world of difference between not liking something to hating it in my mind.
I wouldnt even go as far as to say I dislike most men, I dont like them, I'm just ambivalent about them, I don't seek them out for company because I dont particularly want to be around them.
"I don’t like feeling that way, because I know it’s not quite fair, especially now that I have a son, but I don’t know how to overcome it.All I can do is try not to show it."
Thats how I feel.
I feel this way for a reason from years of experience of being around boring, disappointing, ego driven, shouty, selfish, lazy, abusive, rapey men..
On that scale.
Maybe if I start having better experiences I can learn to like them more.
Im young, there's time.
But that's on men, not me.

*meant not pleasant as in disliking most men, not being with a woman or being alone!

Honestly, I know a few men I like but most I’ve met have been pathetic, boringly arrogant to cover up their insecurities, and abusive. They can’t think ahead or empathise. If I became single now I’d go for women or be alone. Not pleasant but neither is constantly living in fear. Today a male colleague locked me in the toilet for a joke. I just find most of them so boringly predictable and immature now. Like a pp said, under evolved, like cavemen.

I think disliking any group of people based on something they can't control is inherently wrong.

For example, I hate that some people are born into wealth whilst others don't get enough to eat. But it's the systems that allow this level of inequality to exist that I dislike, not people who happen to be born into families with money.

Statistically, it's children who attend private schools that end up in positions of power and continue to allow the gap between rich and poor to exist. But If I posted that I dislike all the children who attend private schools, people would rightly think I was a bit of a dick.

Misandry and misogyny are both wrong..

It goes against the narrative that human beings are equal

And what is up with them thinking it's ok to corner you at the coffee machine and strike up a conversation about rape?

Happened to me more than once :/

And these were men I got on with and yes in the main liked. Which is why it's always so crap to get that sort of stuff at some point.

And makes you think, after years of that or other weird/ upsetting stuff from men you thought were friends.

Makes you think. Well. I'll be nice to this chap and friendly and go drinking and etc. But I'm not going to forget that time and time again they've exposed something about themselves eventually that I had no idea about and is a shock etc.

I'm straightforward, trusting in general. I start thinking people I meet are nice unless they give me reason to think otherwise.

For various reasons I have always had lots of male friends as well as female. And sometimes when they have decided you are one of the gang and forget you're female. And the things they come out with sometimes, Jesus. I have been known to say. Erm I am female you know.

Anyway. Random aside.

I think the man was out of line.

Not liking men doesn't make you a better feminist. Although on MN liking men makes you a hand maiden or something.

And IME this happens not infrequently.

Like I said it's happened to me.

How it goes is.

Hello female work colleague! What do you think of X thing in the news relating to women? (Metoo, current rape trial, pay gap, anything and everything like that)

Erm. Well I think X and y

Oh god you're not a feminist are you?

Ah. (Cornered and in a no win situation). A bit, yes.

You hate men then?

I mean it's not uncommon and tbh it's deliberate. The question are you a feminist is always delivered in a way that leaves no doubt it's a Bad Thing.

And how the fuck do you respond to a male work colleague who you get on with and go for drinks with etc asking or stating that you hate men?

That's what happened to OP.

Baddie to me is the man.

Then he asked her if she hated men.

@NiceGerbil - ahh, I think that I have found the phrase that led you to decide that it was triggered by Trump. ‘ My former boss asked me in the context of “oh god, you’re not into all that feminist crap are you?” when it was the American elections.’

OP's question came from the exchange with a man she knew where she raised something to do with trump and he said you're not into that feminism crap are you. Then when she made some kind of affirmative he asked 'do you hate men'?

Note that her OP says this:

'Experience (and my job) has shown me time and time again that men are far more of a problem in our day to day society than women. I know I’d probably get into loads of trouble at work if I actually voiced that opinion, but generally speaking, is it that unacceptable for me to feel this way? Am I wrong to think like this? It doesn’t affect how I treat men, it’s just how I feel.'

So her internal feelings which are not hate but 'not like', and she feels uncomfortable enough about to post on here, and that don't affect her interactions, and which are based on her experiences, are. Wrong awful etc.

Yet the man who asked if she was into that 'feminism crap' and then if she hated men hasn't really been mentioned.

@NiceGerbil - I am intrigued to know how you reached the conclusion that OP had made a reference to Trump and that triggered the question about being into ‘feminist crap?
Whilst I absolutely am of the opinion that Trump is a particularly pertinent example of the unacceptable face (and voice and behaviour) of masculinity, and perhaps I missed it, but I don’t recall OP having mentioned Trump in context of this thread.

As an aside, I do this this topic is part of the cause of the "gender" disappointment threads but with less awareness

She didn't say she didn't like her husband!
She's called him pathetically base, like they’re somehow less evolved than us with no caveat of exclusion. And of course they do, she could reply mind your own fucking business, well I like him, for the kids, for the money, for his 12 inch penis or nothing at all. It's a qn not a judgement

Out of interest do the posters on here saying how awful the OP is

Go on male dominated websites and give them a bollocking?

I mean I think we all know that when men talk together about women there can be a lack of... Um. Nuance.