Rape in private school - 170 testimonies

@Shizuku don’t derail

We aren’t talking about ‘misgendering’ here

I don't think its just private schools for one second. However I think for some private schools its an unintended consqequence of entitled privileged males used to getting their own way - look at the Bullingdon club types. Some alpha male entitlement. It may need a culture change and a different way of tackling to an underfunded state school where the need is more teachers.

On one thread a parentfrom the school àdmitted the boys were ferral on transport and in school and what did you expect...

I had to complain to the school about boys commenting and rating the girls breasts, when DD was in yr 7. This is at a state comp, I've given up complaining, these type of things keep on happening, but DD was getting stressed about me being " that parent". Quite a few male teachers have very outdated views, and boys get away with a lot. Some of the girls even defend the boys and the school tells them things like don't wear short skirts because it's distracting for male teachers and boys.
I went to a girls state school and it horrifies me that girls have to put up with this shit at school, where they should be safe. There are no single sex schools where we live otherwise DD would be at one.

I think it has got much worse since I was at school. Yes there was bullying etc, but not with this sexual and misogynistic element.

[quote missproportionate]I was wondering about Uk Feminista resources - anyone seen them?

ukfeminista.org.uk/[/quote]
Interesting - this looks to offer teacher training courses on sexism, but I don’t know what the take-up is like. They also do home-learning materials for secondary-school-age students. But I think it would be really useful to provide packs for schools on How To Tackle Rape Culture, and to provide actual sessions for students as well. We’ve seen how successful Stonewall and other organisations have been at doing this for trans rights - surely the model could be applied to doing this more broadly for girls’ rights?

"I was at a mixed private boarding school (albeit as a day pupil) in the late 90s-00s and am not aware of anything like this happening"

That's because most teens fall into the normal range of behaviour. Even in the private schools currently in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons. Looking at why some teens are well socialised might be one way of tackling the poor socialisation of others?

What we don't know is whether or not thus is more prevalent in private schools, or if it is broadly similar across all schools, or if indeed it's worse in state schools.

I think we would be deluding ourselves if we thought it was a uniquely private school issue. And if that angle shapes the response, then that's a lot of girls in a lot of schools who will not be heard

I've just read this article and came here to see if anyone had posted about it. Shocking that so many felt rape was normalised or no action taken.

I was at a mixed private boarding school (albeit as a day pupil) in the late 90s-00s and am not aware of anything like this happening, but I'm not sure how the school would have dealt with it if it had - a lot of "don't ask, don't tell," I suspect.

I assume you're all going to hold this report to the standards you do when trans kids self-report abuse.

Just in defense of state schools, they are ineffective for a number of reasons.
Firstly, teaching staff have zero power to tackle it. The way most school behaviour systems are structured the teacher is far more likely to receive a sanction than the child in question because they ''let it happen'. Reported instances have to usually involve more than one occasion of physical abuse for exclusion and even then it tends to be internal anyway.
Schools in general have very little power and most senior leadership are happy to avoid the issue so they don't have to deal with tricky parents, leaving the rest of the staff very little tools in the way of tackling it.
For things to change parents on the whole need to accept sanctions but the current culture is to go marching up the school to defend their children, even when they are in the wrong.

Clearly this isn’t new (though I can believe porn, cameraphones and smartphones, social media etc have exacerbated this) and it certainly isn’t confined to fee-paying schools either. It’s a MASSIVE issue for girls and young women at schools and sixth form colleges.

A quick thing that any of us with access to email can do for free is to support this Tory MP Robert Halfon who is calling for an inquiry. Hope he means via his select committee. If this could be joint with the Women and Equalities select committee that would be good, this is a systemic equality problem affecting girls as well as an education and schools behaviour/discipline issue.

‘The Tory MP Robert Halfon, chairman of the Commons education select committee and an alumnus of the school, called for an inquiry into the claims. He said: “There needs to be rapid reform in terms of respect and treating female students properly, but also in terms of safeguarding.”’

Write to him and say it’s not about one school doing one inquiry- there is a systematic problem in schools. As the Times seems to be just waking up to. Multiple female students (and a few male students targeted by other boys) are being harassed and violated by male peers with no consequences to the perpetrators. Culturally there needs to be education for boys plus a major reset of schools’ approaches to this.

We should demand a public Inquiry into sexual crime and sexual harassment in all schools and colleges in the UK.
If you are emailing, maybe copy in the Chair of the women and Equalities select committee Caroline Nokes MP (her committee keeps tabs on equality issues) committees.parliament.uk/committee/328/women-and-equalities-committee/

And copy in your own local MP so they know it’s an issue that local voters care about, asking your MP to raise these issues in Parliament. It could be really powerful if they would do so on behalf of all the girls too intimidated to tell anyone in authority what has happened to them and all the girls who did tell and have not been supported or whose school’s response has made it even worse.

MPs raising this as a cross-party issue will help it to be more powerfully/sustainably acted on.

I was wondering about Uk Feminista resources - anyone seen them?

ukfeminista.org.uk/

What are the parents saying?

*misogyny

Abuse is awful whenever and wherever it is perpetuated.

However, let's not demonise mixed schools and boys in general! I went to a mixed school and loved it. My DC are at mixed schools and enjoy interacting with everyone. There is no need for parents of girls to not want their children in school with my son. Teaching children at home and at school and through society that misogny is not acceptable is what is needed, not gender segregation in schools.

I'm sure it's not just a private school issue. But I would expect that if I were paying thousands a year for my daughter's education, the school would keep her safe.

State schools are hampered by huge student/ staff ratios and chronic underfunding. What excuse do private schools have?

I am not sure this is just a private school issue. A few years ago I spent some time with people 15 or so years younger than me. The general misogynistic attitude towards women was rife. I don’t think this has been helped by some music culture, reality TV that portrays women as objects and social media where the reality for some of these girls is that they see the easiest way of making a quick buck through taking off some clothes.
This requires a huge cultural shift and as sad as it is that we seem to have gone backwards since my generation I am glad that this has highlighted the reality for girls today and will bring more awareness.

I went through school without a single mistreatment from a male. I doubt many girls in 2021 can say the same.

Apologies Sarah everard

Yes MondayYogurt that is a good point.

Why doesn't "be kind" extend to recognising and trying to work against this horrific treatment of girls

Not just packs, sorry - what about resources and lesson plans? Or visits to schools for special sessions? There must be something that can be done to try to change this.

What can we do about this? I feel really concerned. Are there any “anti-sexual violence and harassment” toolkits that the schools can use? If TRAs and Stonewall can produce packs for schools, can some women’s organisations produce school packs for eradicating rape culture?

There must be something we can do. It certainly won’t just be private schools - I should think this stuff is endemic.

My DD is at Private School, the SLT are all female and address any Toxic masculinity both before it happens and afterwards.
However, DD has been asked for nudes by quite a few boys in her year and there is certainly a lot of entitlement. DD says it is made worse by the “pick me girls “ (her term) who seem to bask in the attention
I suggested to DD that she think about why they might feel the need to do that.
I have no idea what it’s like at State schools really but from friends with girls there I think it’s about the same.