Why give child man' s surname

We gave our children my surname. DH's parents disowned him and wouldn't see their first grandchild for a year... people are funny about surnames! They still think we're not a real family without a shared surname but we've told them DH wants to keep his own surname!

My maiden name was my dads surname. He fucked off when I was 3 so I didn't really give a shit about keeping it. I happily changed my name to my husbands when we got married. It was my choice and I liked it! It was a no brainier to give our son his dads surname - I'd never have given him MY dads surname, he's never even met him!

Men/Father's don't seem to worry for a second about passing on names like Cock or Nutter or long unusual names!

DD has my surname, we're not married. There was never any question of it being other than this, although I did get a grilling from DP's family, which I obviously ignored.

It is amazing how children seem to both get their father's surname because their mother's is seen as too difficult and also because their mother's is too boring. Never the other way round though.

I also hate the argument that somehow this isn't a feminist issue because a woman's name is really her father's. Well no, my name is the one I've had my whole life, it's mine. Understandable for women who have difficult relationships with their fathers to want to change it/ not give it to their kids, but you rarely hear about men not wanting to give their surname to their children because they didn't get on with their fathers do you.

I gave my kids their dad’s surname but really wish I hadn’t. I didn’t think about it at the time.

Sorry- MY surname as a middle name!

My children are double barrelled. I had a double barrelled surname before marriage, picked one half and joined it with DH’s, he changed his too.

I like the fact that if we get divorced my kids still have my name and I can drop his but still be connected with my children.

I kept my name but gave them DHs surname because

1. We live in denmark, and getting an apprenticeship or job if you have a forrin name is tricky to say the least. I think having a danish surname shows more danishness if that makes sense.
2. I dont like Danish first names and thought it was a good compromise.

I felt much more strongly about my name than dcs.

DH had an awful surname which caused loads of bullying in primary school. He now has his Step Father's name as his mum renamed them after marrying again when he was a teen.
Our DC have a mix of my surname and his step dad's double barrel.
And his step Dad originally added his mother's name to make that as plain old "Smith" wasn't cool. So there are name changing men out there.

I will never understand why it is the norm for unmarried parents to give the children the dad's name. No way on earth would my kids not have my surname. (Seperate but related, I will also never understand why so many women change their name on marriage, but at least I can see the motivation of the whole family sharing a 'family name').

I have thought about this a lot, although it does not apply to me personally, it did apply to someone I know, and again they took the man's lastname.
I personally think if not married (or possibly if you are married), then I would give both father and mother lastnames.
The Spanish Tradition, they have 2 lastnames, the first from the father and the second from the mother.
However, quite often in British tradition, the children will have the mother's lastname as a middle name, then the father's lastname.
This could be converted to a double lastname, etc. Or in the case the family split up, then it may be easier to just use one of them.
So, although I think both lastnames are the best, the british tradition would mother, father lastnames, the Spanish tradition would be Father, Mother lastnames

I think that a child almost always knows who their mother is, so giving them the father's name is OK. I'm married but kept my own surname, as women from my family's country of origin do. I would have kept my own name anyway. Our son has a version of my first name and his father's surname as middle names. We would have double-barrelled it but it was a right mouthful!

It wasn’t until I read a thread on here that I realised it is not even ‘tradition’ to give a child the father’s name. It’s always been the case that traditionally the child takes the mother’s name - it’s just that ‘traditionally’ the mother and father are married and the mother has already taken the father’s name. But the child is given it because it’s the mother’s name.

40/50/60/ however many years ago, if a child was born out of wedlock then that child would have been very unlikely to take the father’s name - because it would have been a source of shame to the father’s family.

It is a reasonably recent phenomenon that children born out of wedlock are no longer ‘shameful’. Likewise that there are married parents where the mother hasn’t taken the father’s name.

I took DH’s name when we married. With hindsight, or if I was marrying now, I wouldn’t have done. And any children would definitely have taken my name! I think partly this is driven by the fact that, having seen a few friends divorce, it’s become clear that their ex-dh’s never really ‘gave them’ their name. A few comments like “she’s still got my name” that type of thing. They clearly view the surname as something they ‘own’ and which she has no right to use going forward. I’ve found that a really depressing realisation.

I have my husbands surname and so do kids. If I wasn't married kids would definitely have my surname though.

My kids have my surname, and I know a handful of couples who have done this too. I also know two married couples where the man has taken the woman's name. Obviously these are exceptions, but I wonder if it's becoming more common (or at least less unthinkable).

My children have DH’s name and I kept my surname. I wanted my children to have DH’s name. I am clearly their parent as I gave birth to them and by having DH’s surname they are clearly linked to him too. We are equal parents and have been together for over 20 years so far and I am not “dominated”. by my DH

You can give children any surname you want. Doesn't have to be your own or your partners. I gave my children my then partner's name as I didn't want them to be associated with my family name. I'm glad I did.

We're not married, I gave my son's their dad's surname, 20 years ago , it was kind of a gift from me. We'll probably get married soon, I will keep my name.

I’m with OP. I think if your married you cannot relate for obvious reasons. But marriage is a sign of commitment as many seem to find out on here!

I gave DS his dads surname and the reason was I didn’t know any better at the time I wish someone had given me a different perspective at the time like OP is saying.

It’s often seen as traditional that kids have their dads surname which I wouldn’t mind but in reality it’s often follows a sense of entitlement from the man and a sheer lack of responsibility.

Women are often left with the children and I had an issue in the airport with DS and a police officer asked him (only 4 at the time) who is this? It was a bit embarrassing tbh.

If I could turn the clock back DS would have my surname no questions asked.

Because he gets nasty about using the mums name or double barrelling it. I wasn't really able to argue my case 7 days post birth.

I can't really think of a good solution. Maybe the Spanish way?
From a genealogy point of view, it makes things easier to trace with a "family" name, but from a biological one it would make sense to be the female name, because you can never be 100% sure a child's father is the biological one.
Millions of men have probably lived and died believing their children were theirs, when it wasn't the case at all.

Same as a couple of pps. We weren't married when we had DCs, in some atavistic throw back way I wanted DP to have clear link to DC. I didn't care, I know they are mine!

My surname (& my family) are better. My now teen DC want that name too so we'll ensure they have it as middle or double barrel next passport.

I am married to my children's father and kept my surname. But after much debating I decided to give DH's name to them, with mine as a middle name. DH would have been happy to hyphenate but I thought it was too much and didn't work with the long first names we chose. Also it is just sort of the norm in my social circle to do this- keep name but kids have father's name. I am very aware of the patriarchal conditioning involved in my decision, but ultimately I just didn't care very much.