Why give child man' s surname

I've been married twice and have always kept my name and my dc (from my first marriage) have both our names.
My dh wanted to take my name when we married, so that he would share the same name as me and his step children - his own dad hit the roof about this, threatened to never talk to him again

My ExH's surname is very boring but is sure beats not having to spell it out over and over and over again, plus people don't ask me to repeat it and then mangle it as they try to pronounce it. Twenty years after I divorced him I still have the same surname because I want to. Freedom of choice and all that.

No-one’s saying people shouldn’t have freedom choice. Just fun observing the rationale people give to same-old-same-old take the man’s name.

Couldn’t even

I changed mine and the kids have their dads, mainly because my dad was very abusive and I could wait to get rid of it.

Thanks for replying UsedUpUsername but i still don"t get it. Most 'personal' choices are based on a mix of cultural, personal history, unconcious bias etc. Most decisions and actions are unconscious and then subject to post-hoc justification.

I just don't get why this one bugs you so much. Majority of women follow current cultural norm in naming children is not a suprise.

If this is meant to be feminist consciousness raising then I think we need a better strategy on why its important that woman realise and challenge this.

There is a story here. Which is the last 60 year blip of 'respectable marriages' 2.4 children, one wage earner, one SAHM - with his surname. Some bits of it are breaking down faster than others - children out of wedlock, both work, she keeps her name... it is interesting that naming of children not changing at same speed. I do think - based on my choices - its just doesn't seem as personal as the other bits so didn't really occur to me to fight the cultural norm. I have all the other bits, this is not the hill I would die on.

We are not married so any kids coming out of me were always going to have my name. My DP hates his surname. So we gave them both a middle name that is connected to where DP grew up. They are young and haven't started asking why we don't all have the same name.

We did consider creating a new surname, but any mash up of ours was just comedy gold.

I don't really understand what all the sneery posts about pp who say their name is boring or difficult are getting at.

It’s quite simple. These threads are always full of people saying their surname is boring, whereas DH/P’s surname is lovely, hence the change. Or variations on that theme.

Strangely - men don’t seem to have boring surnames that they rush to change to their female partner’s much more appealing name.

Every thread is the same.

These threads come up so often 😂

I would never have had children with a different name to me. I remember my mum remarrying when I was 16 and that last year in school with her having a different name was horrible.

That said, I would never have been in that position as marriage and children were both things I felt strongly for me, went hand in hand.

So when I got married I knew I wanted the same name as my husband and I was happy to change. I have a lot of brothers so knew my family name would live on plus my name, while not different could be spelt two ways so I wanted to be able to give that up (except on the phone people can't seem to hear the end of my one syllable married name so I'm still spelling it 🤷🏽‍♀️). Final reason was DH was the only boy (his dad has brothers with boys so its not like the name would end as such but I wanted to continue it for them).

One of my brothers took our step dads name and despite that marriage to our mum being short lived he kept the name and him and his family still use it now.

Everyone should be free to decide what name they want for their own family.

Thing is, neither party needs to drop their last name upon marriage but if they both db they can both have the same should they so wish.
My OH is happy to add my last name to his and I'm happy to do the same.
Our daughter has both of our names too so we will all be the same.
To us it is really simple.

I don't really understand what all the sneery posts about pp who say their name is boring or difficult are getting at

Just wish they’d be honest with themselves and the rest of us. You (not you specifically but the general you) did it for convention and convenience. End of.

Are you trying to say they (we - although mine was the other reason - don't really care and don't feel need to give my kids my surname for a sense of connection) are deluded victims of the patriachy?

I don’t think anyone is saying that.

I mean, change your last name or not. I don’t care. But stop suggesting it’s for personal reasons when for the majority, it’s just cultural.

Or is it just another reason to carry on with appealing to men.

I don't really get the argument that the woman's last name came from their father.
Well yes but times have changed and as generations go on, surely it'll eventually be the woman's name?

I don't really understand what all the sneery posts about pp who say their name is boring or difficult are getting at.

Are you trying to say they (we - although mine was the other reason - don't really care and don't feel need to give my kids my surname for a sense of connection) are deluded victims of the patriachy?

Because we do also recognise its the easy choice because thats the way society has been set up for last 50 years for parents with different surnames. It is a relevantly recent change - my surname is in fact a 'bastard line' in which a 16th century ancestor sole female heir deliberately gave birth before marriage to preserve family name on property before father with cash was married in. Its the legality of marriage contract which gave husband ownership of wife and kids not the surname. It is all really fascinating- and a bit horrifying. Women used to lose all rights on marriage.

For record I know 2 men who changed name on marriage so tiny sample. One because he had unloved step father's surname, other because he was a Pratt.

I would say I'm a feminist and my fiancé respects me for this. Our new daughter is db'd with both of our last names (his family name - my family name).
When/if we marry he will take my family name and add to his, I will take his family name and add to mine. So we will all have the same.
And I am absolutely remaining Miss as I am now.
And my dad is definitely not walking me down the aisle!!!

I passed my name along with my DH for family history reasons. Although I doubt my name will survive into the third generation, it tends to get dropped by then 😩

Surname or no surname, a child’s y-dna is going to be passed down male to male and there are a lot of men who resents not knowing who their father or grandfather line. Same with mtdna and especially women because their father’s y-dna is completely wiped away

I watched people (way too many people) spend countless hours on genealogy trying to find their direct line. They spend $$$$ , traveled and who know what else they do trying to find their line.

I found the current set up works as the mother maiden name very clear

Dd has my surname, I wouldn't consider giving her his.
We were engaged but not married.
Thank fuck I did as he walked out when she was 6 weeks old after 3 years together.
I really didn't see it coming.

Dd is 19 and has been with her Bf for 4 years, no children planned yet but obviously she knows what happened to me but what I've said to her is that giving the man's name is an outdated tradition, which it is.
Whilst I wouldn't say it, I'd be terribly disappointed if she used his last name.

I took my husband's name because it's far shorter and easier to say than my unmarried name.

Now I am "considering our future", I might change my name to my grandmother's unmarried name, or my mum's unmarried name.

Yeah, yeah, all these women with dull / boring / horrible / plain surnames that they just can’t wait to be rid of. While their DH / DP has a fabulous / exotic / interesting / no-baggage-at-all surname.

Right.

I'm not married but expecting my first child. (I was previously married and kept my name then too). The baby will have both our surnames however I did consider whether or not to give them DP's surname purely based on him already having 2 children with a previous partner and a they have his surname and I have thought it might be nice for them to have the same surname. However I've decided that if they have both our surnames they still will share a surname anyway, my baby will just also have mine. I can't imagine not sharing ny name with my girl or not giving my child my own name. It's such a big part of my identity and I want us to share that.

SwearyMaclary

We're not married and DD has my name. My DP raised the issue first during my pregnancy, said he wanted the child to have my name, as he hates his (people can't pronounce it and it takes 2-3 goes of spelling it out) . Mine has only 4 letters, bog standard english word and it still get misspelt! He didn't even want his as a middle name. His family were not impressed. DD still gets cards addressed with his surname!

DD now reckons she could carry it off, and she probably could.

What about carrying on women's family name?
What about women who lose their family link?

These are the reasons dd has dp surname, my father was an abusive twat and no way did he deserve to have the name carried on, it dies with me and my brother (doubtful he ever have kids)
I had no link since i was estranged at 15