Why give child man' s surname

It's the other way around with me - my OH would marry me tomorrow but I'm far more cautious.
Our daughter is db'd with both of our last names.

There are lots of options which don't involve ditching names purely on the basis that you are female.

'I kept my surname and my children have a double barrelled surname, mine then husbands.'

The only thing with that is what will the next generation do? It works for one generation only.

I kept my surname and my children have a double barrelled surname, mine then husbands.

I’m married with children and we all have my husband’s name. I hated my surname growing up (was made fun of for it and did not have the best relationship with My dad). My husband asked before we married if I wanted to keep my name, double barrel or even make something new but I liked his surname. I’m very much a feminist too - gave myself away at wedding - female speeches and we’re very much 50/50 partnership in all aspects of life.

Every situation is different so it’s pointless trying to justify it either way. Surely naming a child is a joint decision and both families have equal “claim” on the new life. Couples have to work it out accordingly/fairly, women who go with the man’s surname often insist on their choice of first/middle name as a nod to their side of the family. Or vice versa. Many people wouldn’t like the idea of a first name that they didn’t chose/love/was linked to another family..

Or are you suggesting the woman should have claim on all the names chosen for the child as they are the ones giving birth? It’s a very personal and complex decision for many. Not to be trivialised as just a silly mistake.

I think boys should get dad's name and girls get mom's.

WTF?! Did I not carry my son for as long as my daughter? Do I not love my son as much? Am I not as attached to him as to my daughter?

Children should have their mothers’ names because they come from our bodies. The father’s surname should be a middle name.

I am not married, DCs have DH surname. I do regret it in many ways however as others have said by having his name that is his tie to them. I wish there was a better solution, I like the boy his name, girl my name thing. I never use '2021 Vision' family I use my surname/his surname family or a nickname we have.

One thing I really don't get on these threads is the number of women who don't like their so change it. I have never never ever heard a man say that he doesn't like his name and want to change it. It really does sound a rather pathetic reason. How many of you have brothers who changed their name as they didn't like it?!

Lastly and each to their own, why do people who get married again then change their name again. To me doing this and thus having a different name to your DCs is putting your 'man' above your children, just why would you do this!

My 'maiden' name is just a name inherited from my father (who I love) but still a name given to me by a man.

With taking my husband's name that was a choice I made. DH didn't assume I'd be taking it we discussed it before getting married and I made the choice to have the same name as him, he didn't want to change to mine (he's the last in his family with that surname) but was happy for me to keep it if I wanted too.

I think as long as it is a choice you have made rather than just an assumption from society then it really doesn't matter.

I double barrelled my surname originally, but the DCs took ex's surname. I did insist that I wouldn't do so unless we were married, but apparently that was less of a security than I thought it was
I'm now remarried (double-barrelled again), so now I have no names in common with my DCs. I regret that.

BeingATwatItsABingThing No I didn't read your comment, I was responding to the OP

On another note though, I do send Christmas cards to “The Family Opening” to my brother for ease, (I use her own surname when I’m sending something just to his partner though)

I send cards to the ‘her name - his name family’ if I know they don’t have the same surname.

I don’t consider my surname to be “my father’s”, it’s mine. Even though my dad was a shit dad, it’s my surname. Even though I don’t like my surname, it’s mine. Even if I had considered getting married, I’d have kept MY surname. My dad wouldn’t have been “giving me away” either, my mum would have “walked me down the aisle”. If my partner had said “if you loved me, you’d take my name, on marriage” I’d be saying it right back and that would probably have been the end of the relationship (if I hadn’t already spotted the warning signs!) I’m neither passing nor not passing my father’s name down, it’s nothing to do with him, in my view. I chose to give my children the same surname (NOT “passing down”) as their father, so he had that palpable connection.
No convention, no convenience, no nice/horrible name and definitely no lying (to myself or otherwise)!
On another note though, I do send Christmas cards to “The Family Opening” to my brother for ease, (I use her own surname when I’m sending something just to his partner though) so I hope she’s not offended/thinks it’s a sleight!

I had slightly different reasoning and thought long and hard about this. When I got married, I didn't change my name. When we had our two DSs I gave them my surname as a middle name, and DHs as surname.

My thinking was that I had the link to my children as I gave birth to them. My husband didn't have that, so I let them have his surname to give them that tie.

I don't know if that's a good enough reason, but it seemed to make sense at the time.

I actually proposed and really fought for this (daughters given my last name and sons given his) and my DH wouldn’t hear of it. He didn’t even care that I never bothered to change my name either.

My kids have my surname.
I'm not married though.
The way I looked at it was we're not married,much easier for kids to have my surname in case of break up.
30 years and still no sign of that happening.
Dp did say he'd change his to mine,it'll be easier changing his name than all ours.

I've never understood why unmarried women give their children their DP's surname or why they deny that it's a cultural norm.

I kept my name. DH suggested that any boys have his surname and girls have mine. I agreed that was a good idea but we didn't do it because I couldn't face the hassle (DH was more than willing to do so). Culturally, it's not considered normal and I already was constantly facing people giving me a hard time for not taking DH's name that I decided it wasn't a fight I was willing to subject myself to while I dealt with the eye rolling and passive aggressive behaviour I'd have faced (and yes, it would have been mostly me facing it, not DH).So I chose convenience over feminism. I admit.

I didn't fight for them to have my name because to be honest, I just didn't care as much as DH did. Which again, is a cultural norm. As an adult woman and a strong feminist, I totally see that giving the children the man's name is ridiculous but neither DH nor I had grown up in a society in which it was expected that the children would have my name. It was always just normal for children to have the man's name. So it just wasn't something I cared about as much emotionally, even though intellectually it made sense.

That’s the issue isn’t it! Men are happy to have children without marriage and it speaks volumes!

It really does. They know that having a baby doesn’t need to impact their life at all if they don’t want it to. They can continue to work as before, their bodies are exactly the same and (as was proven by a previous thread on the subject) they don’t even need to pay for them and CMS will do nothing about it.

Whilst i probably would have kept my birth name if i had been older and less social pressure..i should point out my husbands name is my name. It was given to me on marriage and i accepted it. Much like the dinner service. It isnt aunty vi and aunty jan's dinner service. Its ours.
I am in total agreement about patriachal norms but my name was mine on birth and still mine when i changed it on marriage.

I feel very strongly about this too. I don't care what others do I want to keep my own surname when I married. When the kids were born I was going to have one with DJ's surname and one with mine.

My the first kid was born he has my surname as his middle name, a common Scottish custom and his dad's surname. His dad's surname is such that you can guess the ethnicity of a person.

When my second kid was born, and it was going to be with my surname, dh was happy about that. But when it came to it, didn't feel it would be fair on the kid going to school with a different surname to their sibling. Yeah yeah I know loads of blended families to that, but as I said earlier don't care what other people do.

After a lot of deep thought decided to go with DH's surname and mine as a middle name. For the kid's sake.

Ironically and very sadly, both the kids hate their "ethnic" surname, and wish they had my plain boring British surname. :(

I wish my mum had given me her surname as my dad's surname (the one I had) was so ugly teachers used to make fun of it in primary school

I have DH's surname but gave my DM maiden name as a middle name of theirs. Would have double barrelled had I had my mum's lovely name