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Original poster

Consent for women

332 replies

ArabellaScott · 19/03/2021 09:32

A reminder:

You don't owe anyone your attention.

You have no obligation to 'include' anyone in your 'dating pool'.

Your sexual preferences are yours and yours alone.

Nobody has the right to shame you for your sexual preferences.

Nobody has the right to question your sexual preferences.

When it comes to sex and sexual preferences, nobody has the right to demand your attention, your consideration or your attraction.

Not ever.

OP posts:
ProseccoSt · 22/03/2021 20:51

I agree with you op, no means no, fuck off means fuck off, and stop following me means stop following me.

it’s really scary when men like this follow and harass women who are just minding their own business and who have made it clear they don’t want to talk to them, badgering them for personal information, then uploading the video they took of them in order to try to publicly shame them for their entirely justified anger and fear. Really rapey and awful.

Soontobe60 · 22/03/2021 20:15

@TedMullins

Right so you don’t think anything is worth thinking about beyond ‘I think and feel this therefore it is set in stone’? You don’t think preferences and choices are influenced by society around us? You don’t have any interest in developing a deeper understanding of yourself and your position in the world? Shame, because it’s actually fascinating how political the personal is and how these things intertwine. One of my dating preferences excludes narrow minded people with no curiosity so our paths would be unlikely to cross anyway.
Nice... My sexual preferences have bugger all to do with societal influences and everything to do with physical attraction. Call it chemistry if you will. You actually come across as very narrow minded and judgemental here.
Original poster
ArabellaScott · 22/03/2021 19:56

She must have been M16.

OP posts:
AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 22/03/2021 19:52

And none of them was one we had seen deleted in the thread in question. Very odd indeed.

Original poster
ArabellaScott · 22/03/2021 16:52

I did, Asking, only three threads posts there and all deleted with a link to guidelines. Bit odd?

OP posts:
AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 22/03/2021 15:52

I would probably do an advanced search all boards all days on JohannaC for clarification.

Jaxhog · 22/03/2021 15:48

@ArabellaScott

Thinking on it further, even ones sexuality isn't so relevant when it comes to consent and preferences. Being bi hetero or lesbian doesn't oblige one to anything.

Basically there is no positive obligation of any kind when it comes to consent. None. Ever.

My thinking exactly. Who I'm attracted to is no-ones business to question. Ever. Regardless of how that preference may have developed.
ErrolTheDragon · 22/03/2021 15:45

Although in that case of course the deletion message would say it was by request not for breaking guidelines so presumably not the case here.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/03/2021 15:44

@ArabellaScott

I am thinking that perhaps JohannaC has been removed altogether, but I'm not sure.
Afaik if all of someone's posts are deleted it's because they've deregged and specifically asked MNHQ to delete their posts. Sometime it happens if a poster has been outed or doxxed somehow. There's quite a lot of old FWR threads which are barely there any more following withdrawal by various posters eg dittany and buffy, plus quite a lot post-jeffreygate.
Original poster
ArabellaScott · 22/03/2021 15:30

I am thinking that perhaps JohannaC has been removed altogether, but I'm not sure.

OP posts:
MissBarbary · 22/03/2021 15:24

What did JohannaC say to merit so many deletions?

PurpleHoodie · 22/03/2021 14:57

Exactly that.

Original poster
ArabellaScott · 21/03/2021 23:06

You don't ever need to explain your 'no'.

'No' is enough. No justification, explanation or qualification needed.

OP posts:
JohannaC · 21/03/2021 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 21/03/2021 23:03

The patience of some of the FWR regulars never fails to impress me.

allmywhat · 21/03/2021 22:54

IMO the context makes it pretty clear the focus of the OP is about the right to say no and to be "exclusionary." It's a no means no post, not a yes means yes post.

But yes, harmful paraphilias like that (which are very rare in women) should be questioned and shamed.

Original poster
ArabellaScott · 21/03/2021 22:46

I've said upthread, Johanna, that I had in mind someome's preferences to not sleep with people, but I phrased it poorly.

Then again, I don't think a paedophile or rapist should be 'questioned', I think they should be dealt with by the law.

OP posts:
JohannaC · 21/03/2021 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

allmywhat · 21/03/2021 22:36

Oh, I see the poster says they're female. Still creepy as hell, honestly. I don't see why someone who claims they agree with the OP would argue with it for twelve pages. Anyway I'm going to continue never having sex with people I'm not attracted to, and accepting my own sexual desires as valid. I recognise my tremendous privilege in being able to say that; I hope one day all women will be able to do the same.

allmywhat · 21/03/2021 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
ArabellaScott · 21/03/2021 18:16

Nina Simone asserted that equality does not mean shagging someone, nor even being friends with them, in her song Mississippi Goddamn when she sang "you don't have to live next to me, just give me my equality". Simone was correct. Being willing to shag someone doesn't get them a house nor a job nor a place in an educational establishment. It doesn't protect them from police brutality. It doesn't make a woman less likely to die in childbirth. Shagging someone doesn't say anything about willingness to accept them as a friend nor in wider society. All shagging someone means is that you want to obtain sexual pleasure, it doesn't prove anything about how you feel about the other person.

Great points, thank you.

OP posts:
bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 21/03/2021 17:48

@JohannaC

Actually, I've googled it and 'incapacitated' is the key term, which obviously depends on bodyweight and what you've eaten. But three pints could definitely make some men tipsy.
A fairly safe rule is: if you are in doubt as to capacity, take it as a no.
JohannaC · 21/03/2021 17:42

This reply has been deleted

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JohannaC · 21/03/2021 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 21/03/2021 17:29

No, why would I want a sexual relationship with someone who didn't fancy me?

This. We have words for people who like having sex with people who don't actually want the sex. Words like rapist, sexual assailant, abuser, narcissist, psychopath, and sociopath.

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