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Original poster

Consent for women

332 replies

ArabellaScott · 19/03/2021 09:32

A reminder:

You don't owe anyone your attention.

You have no obligation to 'include' anyone in your 'dating pool'.

Your sexual preferences are yours and yours alone.

Nobody has the right to shame you for your sexual preferences.

Nobody has the right to question your sexual preferences.

When it comes to sex and sexual preferences, nobody has the right to demand your attention, your consideration or your attraction.

Not ever.

OP posts:
Usagi12 · 19/03/2021 10:43

@TedMullins

Nobody has the right to question your sexual preferences.

I don’t fully agree with this - people are free to query where your preferences may stem from or be curious about them. It’s not wrong to ask. Agree with everything else though. Ultimately even if your preference does include an element of prejudice it’s still your absolute right to have 100% autonomy over your body.

Completely disagree with this actually. How on earth would it ever be ok to question someone's sexuality, it really is no-ones business.
Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/03/2021 10:33

Expextation, autocorrext, seriously? Is this how we ended up with womxn?

Grin
Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/03/2021 10:32

I say that consent presumes 'no' as a default. This is exerting an expextation, hiwever subtle. In fact, attraction is the exception, not the rule. Silence is not consent. The absence of an explicit 'no' is not consent.

This.

Original poster
ArabellaScott · 19/03/2021 10:31

Expextation, autocorrext, seriously? Is this how we ended up with womxn?

OP posts:
normanrockwellsaunt · 19/03/2021 10:31

I have been thinking about this, too.

It is that simple.

Yes or no need no explanation.

I still like this video. .

Original poster
ArabellaScott · 19/03/2021 10:30

It's not only personal, Necessary, but the idea that one is 'excluding ' people from ones pool of partners presumes 'yes' as a default. It suggests we should all be open to everyone and can only 'exclude' certain groups for certain reasons.

I say that consent presumes 'no' as a default. This is exerting an expextation, hiwever subtle. In fact, attraction is the exception, not the rule. Silence is not consent. The absence of an explicit 'no' is not consent.

OP posts:
Iidentifyasacat · 19/03/2021 10:29

@Ereshkigalangcleg

I also don't agree that being gay, straight or lesbian is a "preference" for one type of body. It's a sexual orientation. And I don't think bisexual people have to consider absolutely everyone as potential partners, either.
Thing is that last sentence just proves the point doesn't it. We don't have to consider everyone as a potential partner. And that's okay, we shouldn't have to. There are multiple reasons why we may not want to be with someone. There are also multiple reasons why we may change our opinion on someone if we find something out after we started dating them. It obviously happens quite a lot considering we don't marry or get into a long term relationship with everyone we date.
HermitsLife · 19/03/2021 10:25

👏👏👏

Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/03/2021 10:25

I also don't agree that being gay, straight or lesbian is a "preference" for one type of body. It's a sexual orientation. And I don't think bisexual people have to consider absolutely everyone as potential partners, either.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/03/2021 10:22

Ultimately even if your preference does include an element of prejudice it’s still your absolute right to have 100% autonomy over your body.

I don't agree that not being sexually attracted to groups of people is "prejudice" or anything other people have the right to "question". If I don't fancy redheads, do I have anti-ginger prejudice?

TedMullins · 19/03/2021 10:21

@ArabellaScott

people are free to query where your preferences may stem from or be curious about them. It’s not wrong to ask.

You are not obliged to explain your sexual preferences to anyone.

No you’re not, but it’s good to interrogate yourself about where they come from. I’m thinking particularly about some people’s aversion to dating someone bisexual, which does in part stem from prejudices and assumptions about bisexual people. No one’s saying you have to change your mind but a bit of self awareness and critical thinking is healthy. Even if no one asks, it’s healthy to ask these questions of yourself. But I agree that ultimately you can do all the analysis you like and even if you change your theoretical understanding you don’t have to change your preferences.
NecessaryScene1 · 19/03/2021 10:21

I guess what we're seeing is the extension of a certain philosophy to consent.

Refusal to agree is assumed to be for "bad faith" reasons. There must be some underlying bad motive, and if we can divine the bad motive then maybe we can invalidate the refusal.

This is an appalling way to approach an argument, but it's unconscionable way to approach consent. Consent is not a debate. No justification of anyone's refusal is required. It's a private matter.

Original poster
ArabellaScott · 19/03/2021 10:19

Thinking on it further, even ones sexuality isn't so relevant when it comes to consent and preferences. Being bi hetero or lesbian doesn't oblige one to anything.

Basically there is no positive obligation of any kind when it comes to consent. None. Ever.

OP posts:
Original poster
ArabellaScott · 19/03/2021 10:16

Yes Errol completely. Sad that this too has to be spelled out! Consent applies to everyone!

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DialSquare · 19/03/2021 10:15

Agree wholeheartedly. I'm so fucking annoyed that this has to be said let alone repeated so often.

ErrolTheDragon · 19/03/2021 10:11

More simply - your sexual preferences give you an absolute right to say no. They give you no right to exercise those preferences with anyone who isn't a fully consenting adult

Whatwouldscullydo · 19/03/2021 10:09

Hear hear

ErrolTheDragon · 19/03/2021 10:08

@goarbdj

Well no one has the right to question men's sexual preferences too right?
Of course, but men don't have to be the focus of a thread on the feminism board.

Caveat to not questioning sexual preferences - this applies to any involving between fully, freely consenting adults. If someone's 'preference' includes coercion, violence, children or anyone else who can't consent then that's a whole other matter.

Babdoc · 19/03/2021 10:07

goarbdj, when has anyone ever questioned men’s preferences to anything?! It is lesbians who are castigated for refusing to include “lady dick” in their sexual preferences, who are criticised for being same sex attracted instead of same “gender”.
I don’t recall seeing gay men threatened online for refusing to date transmen with a vagina?

Beamur · 19/03/2021 10:03

I don't agree that I have to explain myself either. You can ask, but I'm not obligated to tell you why I won't date you.
My personal preferences are extremely narrow. I'm not apologising for that either.

Iidentifyasacat · 19/03/2021 10:02

@Bordois

Its pretty bad that the concept of consent still needs to be spelt out like this.
Yes! My university does "consent training" but doesn't recognise this aspect of it!
goarbdj · 19/03/2021 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaisiesandButtercups · 19/03/2021 09:59

Thank you Arabella and well said!

Original poster
ArabellaScott · 19/03/2021 09:58

people are free to query where your preferences may stem from or be curious about them. It’s not wrong to ask.

You are not obliged to explain your sexual preferences to anyone.

OP posts:
Bordois · 19/03/2021 09:57

Its pretty bad that the concept of consent still needs to be spelt out like this.