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Original poster

Am I being dramatic?

134 replies

talkingdeadscot · 17/03/2021 12:31

DH and I have been having various discussions around the trans issue and what it means for the rights of women and girls. He's TWAW and I'm fiercely feminist.

He's actively campaigning for the removal of single sex spaces as per Stonewall. I'm a woman who wants to keep those spaces. He believes gender is more important than sex so in the long run single sex spaces are better for everyone.

For me, I've said why this isn't better for women, I've said I don't want to lose single sex provision but it makes no difference. He says we both have an ideology we believe in and neither of us will change their mind.I feel as though this is just another case of a man telling a woman what's best so in that regards it's no different to men denying women contraception or abortion. He says I'm being ridiculous and over dramatic, it's nothing like the same. Besides, plenty of women are happy without single sex spaces.

Am I being ridiculous or over dramatic?

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 17/03/2021 13:03

No you aren't. If you want to get dramatic you could accuse him of transphobia for not wanting to share his spaces with GNC or cross dressing men.

He does not get to tell you where your boundaries are. How are you going to move forwards after this, now he has shown he doesn't see you as a fully autonomous human?

parietal · 17/03/2021 13:01

I'm assuming here that you want to stay married to your DH ...

In which case, I think you can't expect to convert him to your point of view all in one go with one killer argument. It might be better to strategically tone down the argument, leave aside the things you disagree on and focus on the things you do agree on. So how can we make things safe and fair for everyone?

When you start from agreeing that things should be fair, then you can consider how sports should be categorised etc. But start gently and give him time to think ...

Igmum · 17/03/2021 13:00

No you are not being dramatic. He's a man, privileging the desires of men over the legal rights of women. Does he also believe in the sterilization of young girls? Because that's what these groups support. How does he feel about millionaire white men taking sports prizes which would otherwise be won by poor women of colour?

TheGoodEnoughWife · 17/03/2021 12:57

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Ask him, very bluntly, just how true TWAW is. Would he fuck one?

If not, why not?

And then ask him why it is OK for him to say hell no, not in my bed, but women cannot make the same choice for themselves?

Don't be polite about it. He needs to see what it is he is really saying!

This is a good point!

Ask him that! Am sure he will have 'boundaries' and so can you.

Wigglegiggle0520 · 17/03/2021 12:55

No you are not OP. Personally I couldn’t remain with a man with those views and so reluctant to hear an actual woman’s perspective on it.
Do you have children? Specifically daughters? Has he considered the impact on them?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/03/2021 12:47

Ask him, very bluntly, just how true TWAW is. Would he fuck one?

If not, why not?

And then ask him why it is OK for him to say hell no, not in my bed, but women cannot make the same choice for themselves?

Don't be polite about it. He needs to see what it is he is really saying!

TheGoodEnoughWife · 17/03/2021 12:43

Not over dramatic at all! It is all very well that he has his own views but it isn't him giving anything up is it?

Biscuitsanddoombar · 17/03/2021 12:36

Nothing like a bit of privilege splaining from a man being asked to give up literally nothing

persistentwoman · 17/03/2021 12:32

Is he used to telling you what boundaries you're allowed OP?