Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Am I being dramatic?

134 replies

talkingdeadscot · 17/03/2021 12:31

DH and I have been having various discussions around the trans issue and what it means for the rights of women and girls. He's TWAW and I'm fiercely feminist.

He's actively campaigning for the removal of single sex spaces as per Stonewall. I'm a woman who wants to keep those spaces. He believes gender is more important than sex so in the long run single sex spaces are better for everyone.

For me, I've said why this isn't better for women, I've said I don't want to lose single sex provision but it makes no difference. He says we both have an ideology we believe in and neither of us will change their mind.I feel as though this is just another case of a man telling a woman what's best so in that regards it's no different to men denying women contraception or abortion. He says I'm being ridiculous and over dramatic, it's nothing like the same. Besides, plenty of women are happy without single sex spaces.

Am I being ridiculous or over dramatic?

OP posts:
HermitsLife · 18/03/2021 14:33

@yeahbutnaw

Just to clarify, trans people have had the right to use toilets and spaces according to their lived sex for the past several decades.
What does this have to do with OPs husband ignoring her boundaries and dropping bombshells like confetti.

talkingdeadscot I remember your previous thread and I'm really sorry that things have gotten worse since then. I think preparing yourself for separation and more revelations to follow would be good self care for you right now. Flowers

Erkrie · 18/03/2021 14:32

This is not true in the UK, the equality act has single sex exemptions as you know that allows trans people to be excluded, even those with a bloody GRC

Don't let the truth get in the way of a good story...

Usagi12 · 18/03/2021 14:28

@yeahbutnaw

Just to clarify, trans people have had the right to use toilets and spaces according to their lived sex for the past several decades.
This is not true in the UK, the equality act has single sex exemptions as you know that allows trans people to be excluded, even those with a bloody GRC.
notyourhandmaid · 18/03/2021 14:25

@yeahbutnaw

Just to clarify, trans people have had the right to use toilets and spaces according to their lived sex for the past several decades.
You mean legal sex and in the UK it was not possible to change this until 2004. To use the phrase 'several decades' for 17 years is misleading.
Erkrie · 18/03/2021 14:00

Just to clarify, trans people have had the right to use toilets and spaces according to their lived sex for the past several decades

Well if they're using the toilets and spaces according to their lived sex, because let's face it, there's no getting away from our lived sex, then we don't have a problem here do we. Unfortunately some people have been using the spaces that are not of their lived sex.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 18/03/2021 13:28

Legal not lived surely?

yeahbutnaw · 18/03/2021 13:26

Just to clarify, trans people have had the right to use toilets and spaces according to their lived sex for the past several decades.

DialSquare · 18/03/2021 13:21

I remember your other thread OP. You mentioned then that he had been spending a lot of time with a friend who is Trans. You have also mentioned in this thread that he had said he is now Bisexual. Do you think there could be more (or he would like it to be more) to this friendship than first thought?

Original poster
talkingdeadscot · 17/03/2021 23:15

@ValancyRedfern

I'm wondering if you'd benefit from getting in touch with the transwidows as it sounds like this might be the direction this is heading in.
I did think about this but don't want to intrude. I have been reading them though and I've been through worse than this so I think I'll be ok. Thanks
OP posts:
dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 17/03/2021 22:37

@Biscuitsanddoombar

Nothing like a bit of privilege splaining from a man being asked to give up literally nothing
Yes someone said to me that there was no issue as men had to accept transmen in their spaces.....so then you have to explain the relative physical weakness issue which is at the basis of our needing sex-based rights in the first place.
dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 17/03/2021 22:35

@Waitwhat23

Frankly, they're not his rights to give away.
Most women are as yet still unaware as to where this ideology is leading. By the time they wake up it will be too late.
dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 17/03/2021 22:33

YANBU Sounds like you should LTB. Surely anyone can see the conflict with women's sex-based rights if they listen properly, they just choose to dismiss it.
Try showing him the 'women's' sports winners' pictures - if he can't get it then, there is no hope.
Also with women's refuges - I had someone say what about celebs where it was the female committing the violence...I pointed out that said celebs would not need a local council refuge ever...some people are so unimaginative.

PamDenick · 17/03/2021 22:27

www.worthingherald.co.uk/news/crime/worthing-man-jailed-for-secretly-filming-women-and-children-using-public-toilets-3169482

He doesn't mind this guy having access to the cubicle next to you then?

notyourhandmaid · 17/03/2021 22:23

Leaving bad people who think it's appropriate to make this 'a debate'
aside... please take care, OP.

PamDenick · 17/03/2021 22:22

Why Hibari?

notyourhandmaid · 17/03/2021 22:21

@Hibari

I'd say you're being dramatic.

But I think most of the anti-trans rhetoric here is dramatic so... :)

Smile You would. Smile
Hibari · 17/03/2021 22:18

I'd say you're being dramatic.

But I think most of the anti-trans rhetoric here is dramatic so... :)

Usagi12 · 17/03/2021 22:08

If he's actively campaigning, he has skin in this game in some way.

PamDenick · 17/03/2021 22:03

Is his mother still alive? Would he be happy for his elderly mother to be nursed in a ward next to a 6'4 body that has been though male puberty?

If you had to go to prison (perhaps for being arrested for protesting for the rights of women?) would he mind that you were imprisoned with Karen White?

If he had a daughter or granddaughter who was a star athlete, would he mind her first place on a podium being given to a male bodies athlete with long hair and fake breatss?

If he's happy for this level of unfairness, then …

OldCrone · 17/03/2021 21:48

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Ask him, very bluntly, just how true TWAW is. Would he fuck one?

If not, why not?

And then ask him why it is OK for him to say hell no, not in my bed, but women cannot make the same choice for themselves?

Don't be polite about it. He needs to see what it is he is really saying!

Have you asked him this, OP?

What was his answer?

notyourhandmaid · 17/03/2021 21:40

Sending respect and love your way.

BlueBrush · 17/03/2021 21:35

I remember your previous thread, OP. I'm sorry things are heading the way they're heading. I think you can carry on in a relationship where you disagree on something fundamental - it is possible, of course. But what I'd be mostly concerned about here is that it sounds like he's just not prepared to discuss this with you and listen to and properly consider your arguments. That suggests a basic lack of respect, to me.

Erkrie · 17/03/2021 21:25

I'm wondering if you'd benefit from getting in touch with the transwidows as it sounds like this might be the direction this is heading in.

Yes I agree.

Flapjak · 17/03/2021 21:13

Ask him what is gender based on, without sex stereotyped behaviour it has no meaning
If he is heterosexual would he fuck a biological male with a penis and looked male as long as they said they identified as female
Would he be happy for hypothetical teenage daughter to undress in a ladies changing room that was only populated by trans women who had male genitalia
How would he feel if hypothetical daughter had to play rugby against a 6 ft 2 solidly built trans woman

Skyliner001 · 17/03/2021 21:05

Asking Mumsnet whether you are being ridiculous or overdramatic is a bit of a nonstarter, this is a gender critical echo chamber. I would ask a more diverse audience if you want a real balanced response 😊

Swipe left for the next trending thread