--protect your daughter--, educate your son"

My worry is it’s actually not the parenting but the prevailing culture at school. Talking about this last night dd who said in year 6 some of the boys had seen horrible porn and were taunting the girls about it. These are nice boys with good parents I am friends with who would be horrified (and disbelieving I imagine). 🙁🙁 Dds at an all girls state secondary this is not an accident...

It’s hard isn’t it - as a mum of two small boys I try not to bristle at the idea that there is something wrong with my parenting. But at the same time I’m already having to pull them up on remarks that are basically sexist (they are 4 & 6), and haven’t come from me. They could just be observational: always assigning me as ‘Princess Peach’ in their games, or maybe they come from school. I know some early sexist attitudes about boys and girls came from nursery, yet another occasion where I was that parent.

So societally we still have issues where people do hold blatantly sexist views. And my boys are energetic, so I probably do put up with more roughhousing than some of my friends who have girls, but it hasn’t come from me, more a seemingly innate need to be constantly active and frequently in physical contact with each other.

So I do intend to keep educating them, and we have deep conversations about things like consent. But they are the new generation, the current generation of young adults has suffered greatly from a ‘boys will be boys’ culture.

Yes - many individuals are not themselves violent or misogynistic in the least, but the broader culture is still such that some people are, and that is not routinely challenged. So I think we need to increase, as a whole society, the active challenge to such behaviour. I include myself in this.

I agree with a lot of the other suggestions.
But i do think it needs other men and fathers to model this to boys. I worry its all very well me discussing it but if all the men are modelling something else that will be more powerful Not just men they know but famous people / music lyrics/ youtubers. etc.

It really isn't that simple for many women.

I think it means all of us, but especially boys, need to be explicitly and actively taught anti-violence and anti-misogyny. Assuming they will learn correct behaviour through the passive or more general messages at home and school is clearly not enough. I have 2 sons and will be specifically teaching them, in an age appropriate way, to be anti-violent, anti-racist, actively empathic. Through talking, stories, and hopefully my own example.

Well, I hadn’t realised this was the goal of my life...

“ You be the way YOU want to be and you'll attract a suitable man. “

Totally bIggreen

If you aren't happy with something in your life then change it.

[quote Justanotherworkingmom]@chocolatesweets Completely agree. I cannot stand the victim culture that some on here are so keen to perpetuate.[/quote]
Please point out this 'victim culture' that you speak of?

I also think it's important every. single. time. to point out the historical inequalities. My kid's class have been learning about great male scientists in history, so making sure to point out that women were totally excluded then. Boys need to know how recent it is that women couldn't go to uni or have professional jobs.

I've had men cat call me too. Nothing I can do to change their behaviour just don't react to it. The opposite of love is not hate it's indifference. I'm not for one second agreeing that it's right.

For rape, it is a crime like all other crime and criminals should be punished obviously.

I don't understand why we are reclaiming the night. It is more dangerous for women to walk the streets because we are weaker physically. What we need to do is to be able to protect ourselves because unfortunately there are scumbags out there.

Yes schools need to Buck up and recognise this. It really does start there.

Ironically it's the girls doing the chasing in ds's class! But they're all a really lovely cohort. I'd love to teach them.

[quote Justanotherworkingmom]@chocolatesweets Completely agree. I cannot stand the victim culture that some on here are so keen to perpetuate.[/quote]
Can you show me where on this thread you’re seeing ‘victim culture’?

Or are you just reacting to the argument that men and boys need to change, rather than women? I personally think that they are capable of it, if they chose, but perhaps you think that’s not true?

In the playground at dds primary the boys chase the girls, in packs/groups. My dd is scared, so she runs and this is translated as a ‘fun’ game by the teachers watching who just roll their eyes jovially at the boys.

I have told her to stand still and say ‘No’ instead of run but she thinks she will be hurt. So I don’t think it’s just parents - this inequality starts in school too where boys are encouraged to burn off energy by doing whatever they like and there are no consequences.

I also asked ds yesterday who he expected to do the washing up when he's grown up. As he wasn't keen on loading the dishwasher. Due to dirty dishes.

Then he thoroughly enjoyed washing up properly with gloves.

(Dh loads the dishwasher here I unload. Apparently I don't do it properly...)

It's the little things...,

It’s to counter the blame being placed on women for daring to go out after dark or wear the “wrong” clothes isn’t it?

I have a son, and I hope, like most do, he will grow up not only to respect everyone but to understand that things like walking behind a woman after dark can make her feel uncomfy. Also to speak up if males are making inappropriate comments.

Women alone can’t change the culture we live in. It’s got to be a team effort to do it.

I think for the most part op, if boys are raised in a home where females are respected and treated equally then that is normal behaviour for them.

Of course there will always be men who are horrible human beings regardless of upbringing or those that have disgusting friends whose misogynistic attitudes they share.

And whilst it's no excuse, pornography, drug taking and alcohol is often in the mix.

@Justanotherworkingmom agree with you.

But also being careful not to let it go the other way so that boys feel hard done by and we create MRAs.,

I have talked to my son about when he's older and has a career, and wants a family re how one person may need to pause to look after a child. (This was in the context of his disbelief over our toddler's nursery fees and why school was free!) There are many ways to get them to think about respecting other's needs and choices.

This was something a friend pointed out isn't discussed in secondary. Her daughters are planning careers. My friend was completely done over by abusive exh as she became a sahm and then lost 12 years of a career.

I also think it's important to teach kids not to put up with friends who don't actually treat them very well. To stand up and say they don't like something, draw boundaries etc. And I've had to do that with my son too who isn't v good at saying no I don't want to play that. But especially girls. High standards for how they're treated.

Nonsense. I am far from a victim very loving upbringing marvellous men in my life but I have repeatedly had men shout things too vile to type at me whilst going about my life as a young woman,