I'm just angry all the time, anyone else?

I’m so relieved to see this thread. I seem to spend my time being furious, and as others have said, the response of so many to the events of this week, including that Guardian front page, is tipping me over the edge.

I don’t understand how women can justify all the trans sisters stuff. TWs certainly do not see us as THEIR sisters! It’s all about strong-arming their way into our spaces, our jobs, our prizes ... it’s not solidarity they seek, its control. I’m just so tired of it all.

The fact you manage to be so eloquent, articulate and perceptive despite this muzzle on you, the muzzle we all share, is a testament to your abilities as a writer and a former of ideas.

I am one of countless women on MN who are very grateful that you continue to find a way to speak, compromises and concessions notwithstanding. What you say has real value. Like your wisdom of Solomon analogy in your previous post, which so clearly summed up the situation as I see it too.

Yes, second this. And I find it tends to be men who appoint themselves as Solomon online, do that testicles of objectivity bullshit and set themselves up pompously to arbitrate between feminists and TRAs on which is more "reasonable". That is infuriating.

I agree WhyZed and the policing of language, even here makes me feel worse. It seems men must always be centred, even on Mumsnet.

WhyZed, you are so very far from being alone in your feelings!

I am one of countless women on MN who are very grateful that you continue to find a way to speak, compromises and concessions notwithstanding. What you say has real value. Like your wisdom of Solomon analogy in your previous post, which so clearly summed up the situation as I see it too.

It is soul destroying, the dance we have to do to express ourselves, just as living with the whole situation is soul destroying; but what choice do we have? it’s that or silence, and we just can’t afford for women to be silent.

I gave my DD a copy of Invisible Women for IWD. It’s just full of facts about women being the forgotten ‘gender’. Mobile phones not made for women size hands, VR doesn’t work for women as our eyes compute differently etc etc. DD is loving it. I’m not going to say anything controversial about it, I just hope it nudges her further along the line of understanding the cognitive dissonance needed.

It's infuriating that our wisdom garnered through a lifetime of experience is brushed to the side because we're 'too old' to understand.

I think it was ever thus. In fact I remember huge arguments with my mum in my teens. I also remember the huge surge of empathy and connection with her when I became a mum myself.

This is our job women. The wisdom and experience needs sharing. Younger people throw it our face, but they are glad of it in reality. Don't give up, but practice self care, which includes moving away when you need

Probably should have put more

I was spitting feathers yesterday over that Guardian front page, following on so quickly from the whole Scotland debacle. I do creep away for a week or so when the anger get overwhelming.

I remember a post on here which said something like ‘step away when you need, for as long as you need, another woman will step up to take your place and we will make room for you when you are ready to come back.’ This helped massively.

I don’t post here often but catch up with what’s going on every day. Furlough has been difficult as endless time and less money to do any of he recommended gardening.

I have, however, gone back to running, that feels good, to be free and to be on my own, to be able to think about other things.

DH is supportive. DS is totally captured, DD knows, but caught in the ‘ I won’t have any friends left if I say that’.

Best of all is having friends who are also GC, so I can have a weekly ‘did you see....’ conversation which helps massively.

Also, I think the responses on Twitter are beginning to turn our way. The wonderful people who have won court cases, or even lost court cases, all of which which shine a huge light on the situation, are helping.

To all the stalwarts on here, please keep posting. It must sometimes seem like you are shouting into a void, but you are read by many more people that you know.

💐💐💐 and for us all to share.

And then this.

www.jaywiseman.com/SEX_BDSM_Breath_Closing_Argument.html

PortholeParadies - thank you for that, it's very useful.

Regarding teenagers who are terrified of shaming other people's sex lives. Give them this.

www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/dan-savage-love-breath-play-choking-kink/Content?oid=33151336

RhapsodyandAshe - yes, that's exactly it. My DD has no idea what's ahead. I hope she never experiences it, but how can she not? And with all those man-serving ideas internalised in her head, when it happens she will blame herself.

CatsKnees and alkanet - you have no idea how much your words mean to me right now. I actually woke up this morning and thought - is it me? Am I wrong? Am I too old and too 'vanilla' to understand what young women want? For that crock of SHIT to cross my mind, even for a second, shows how insidious this whole thing is. If anyone can point the way to any resources, or has any thoughts, about how I can handle this without breaking my relationship with my fabulous daughter, I would be massively grateful.

Another one who is not able to discuss this with my teenage daughter. I'm glad that she doesn't realise how much of a threat men are to women but also sad that she will find it out herself going through life.

@Sofuckingsad I've had similar conversations with my uber-woke daughter. It breaks my heart. We get on well otherwise and I don't want to drive her away, so I've let it go for now. It's infuriating that our wisdom garnered through a lifetime of experience is brushed to the side because we're 'too old' to understand.
I feel your pain!

I don't feel eloquent.
I feel clumsy, awkward, muzzled and anxious and slightly ashamed of myself, for every compromise to the truth I consciously make in choosing the acceptable words instead of the real ones.

I'm in awe of the stamina of every woman here. Persevering and tripping over what may or not be an allowable truth. I'm scared. Scared that where we have arrived is already normalised, that it's already frightening to say the truth in its unvarnished, undiplomatic, unapologetic nakedness.

Sofuckingsad

Right now I'm spitting rusty nails over that 'air play' cobblers. We have gone back to the days of Deep Throat & other 70s porn tropes.
I'm glad there are women like Barracker who can express things eloquently; who can express the things we all feel but are not able or allowed to say in real life. This board is a sanity lifeline for many women and it is really galling to know how we all have to choose our words in order to stay here.

I agree with you op - DH tells me all the time that I'm just so angry - but how can you not be when you see what's happening?

No advice I'm afraid. The boxing son DS good though. Might give that a go when things reopen.

Simmeringly fucking furious, since you ask. For all the reasons above.

The egalitarian, kind, gentle man I'm married to is great and sympathetic, but fundamentally he Just. Doesn't. Get. It. He thinks I'm dangerously radicalised and there is a nice compromise somewhere.

With apologies to Reni Eddo-Lodge, I'm having a real Why I'm No Longer Talking to DH About Feminism moment, which doesn't help.

This week has been the last straw for me. Sarah Everard, the Hate Crime Bill, Eddie Izzard.

I was feeling so miserable about it all last night that I decided to do something positive and engage my teens in a chat about
attitudes to women. Within minutes, I was being told that 'loads of women love being choked/gagging during blow jobs' and that to say otherwise is disempowering and negates a woman's right to sexual pleasure. I was referred to Cardi B, and told, disparagingly to google 'air-play' (formerly known as choking but it's not cool to call it that). This was from my seventeen year old lesbian daughter, who was backed up by my uber-woke nineteen year old son.

I. Actually, Just. Can't.

Solidarity everyone. I feel I need to take a ste back for my mental health, but then I feel guilty for doing so. I am attempting a 'one feminist act a day' strategy. So I will make sure I do one thing such as make a donation to a crowd funder, write to my dd's school about their Pshe etc, but once I've done that I'm trying to give myself permission/force myself to step away and focus on other things. I am not being that successful yet but that's the aim...

Barracker we are in total awe of your ability to say what you need to say and not be deleted. Some of us find it harder to stay within the rules except to understand that it is only women who are expected to keep them.

So much. I need to step back for my own mental health I think.

I’m 36 weeks pregnant with a daughter and I’ll be back but I need to look after myself as the rage I feel cannot be healthy.

Desperate impotent rage is my default state.

I admit to a love hate relationship with mumsnet. That the debate happens, is good. There have been many glimpses of solidarity for our sex extended. I'm sure some of the mods feel exactly as I do.
But.
That women are still expected to be considerate here, even of men who in national newspapers openly admit to 'envying' our body parts, discuss our lives as if they were a 'girl mode', regale us with stories of shouting at and scaring teenage girls in female toilets - and that we might then be censored for referring to such a man as 'he' is immeasurably cruel to women.

I constantly feel like the real mother in Solomon's tale. With the purported custodians of fairness suggesting that my baby be divided into two parts to be shared nicely between me and an imposter.

Except they're not actually proposing this as a cruel bluff to expose the real truth, they genuinely believe this is a fair and balanced outcome and my fierce objections are often 'not in the spirit'. Both claims on my child are treated as if they have equal merit, when the just and fair facilitator would robustly discern the truth and them REFUSE to accept the merit of the false claim. Women should be encouraged to deny false claims, to say no. Supported to refuse.

Instead, I'm compelled to treat the imposter's false claim as somehow equal to my own real one, and ensure I always consider how to make them feel welcome. Never rebuff them. Never deny them. My very act of daring to openly defy them and deny them what they want - what is mine - is called 'intolerant'. I'm told I can claim the baby is mine, but I must make my case without declaring the imposter to be an imposter.
This is how I feel.

I'm so tired of choosing my words so very carefully. Tired of writing and rewriting each post several times, nervous I might have chosen a slightly too truthful phrase, editing, using a thesaurus, self-censoring. I want to speak bluntly but fairly, and I want other women to be able to do the same. And I wish the outcome of doing that would be the mods doing a fist punch in the air and shouting yeah, well said!

But for now, here is my post, edited a dozen times, carefully reviewed to not break talk guidelines, and saved offline just in case I somehow blew it and it gets deleted anyway.

I continue to try.