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Original poster

Feeling oppressed in discussions with DH.

34 replies

Greenmarmalade · 07/03/2021 07:28

My DH says that I lecture him and speak at him about things when we’re debating (non-personal) things. He also says I rant, when in my opinion, I’m speaking passionately about things. He gets very annoyed or angry with me about this.

Previous problems: he doesn’t like when I delegate or ask him to do anything (eg when getting family ready for outing, asking him to get coats/drinks ready... because otherwise he wouldn’t).

He often says I’m “obviously just looking for an argument” when I disagree with him in conversations/discussions, and walks off, refusing to engage further.

He paraphrases what I’ve said, back to me- and changes it, so it sounds ridiculous and wasn’t remotely what I’d just said.

He’s previously told me I was banned from talking to him about transgenderism, gender or single sex spaces because it’s transphobic and he can’t understand my point of view. He has since changed his mind.

I find all of this oppressive- please can I ask what your views are on this? I don’t think I can stay in my marriage for this and other reasons.

OP posts:
Sleepingdogs12 · 07/03/2021 07:49

You don't sound well suited

AtlasPine · 07/03/2021 07:44

With the debate thing, it doesn’t sound like it’s worth putting across your opinion as it’s obviously not respected. Just say - I disagree with you - and don’t waste your breath trying to explain why. And yes I would be making an escape plan.

AtlasPine · 07/03/2021 07:42

I’d be very annoyed by the attitude he has about supporting household tasks. If he doesn’t do it without being told and gets annoyed when you say what needs doing - you can’t win, can you.

He thinks he’s better than you.

Sleepingdogs12 · 07/03/2021 07:42

Oh , just to say my husband has an annoying habit of sounding really cross/demanding when he thinks he is just talking . I think I might do it too if I am sharing my view point sometimes and it can become a monologue .

Conniethesensible · 07/03/2021 07:40

Politics or your marriage? Seesh. I think you guys need to figure out what you value most

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/03/2021 07:40

Hmm....when you and he discuss "hot" topics are they a two way street or are each of you just using the other as a soundwall?

When it's something you are passionate about it can be difficult to make sure the conversation is a conversation and no just a barrage of opinion with little room for discussion.

ChameleonClara · 07/03/2021 07:39

If you can't talk to someone, you can't relate, so how can it work?

He often says I’m “obviously just looking for an argument” when I disagree with him in conversations/discussions, and walks off, refusing to engage further.

He's dismissing you before hearing you out and then walking off.

That's not in many marriage guidebooks!

Sleepingdogs12 · 07/03/2021 07:39

It all sounds a bit heavy in your household if you are having many passionate conversations about issues like this. Perhaps he has heard your point of view and doesn't want to keep hearing it. I doubt he has changed his mind about single sex spaces etc he just can't be having the continued debates. I would miss all this out if you have covered everything. Just try to work together . It all sounds like too much debate fir day to day life . Perhaps you chose the wrong partner if this is what you want.

SailingBuddy · 07/03/2021 07:35

He’s stonewalling you when he walks away and refuses to engage. It’s infuriating, rude and disrespectful.