DS8 feels hard done by as a male..

Gender stereotyping harms everyone. If you have a girl you get told that she’ll be bitchy and a nightmare as a teen. If you have a boy you get told he’ll be noisy and messy and inconsiderate. All absolute bullshit.
He’s not too young to learn about gender stereotyping and how damaging it is, as well as learning about the history of gender equality and how it’s still easier to get through life if you’re white and male. As a teacher it’s a tricky one to balance so that boys understand male privilege without feeling personally blamed for it - but it is possible. And there are so many wonderful male role models out there who don’t conform to stereotypes to celebrate - male dancers and carers and artists etc. Check out people like Let Toys Be Toys for ideas.

Whereas men, for the most part, invariably want boys. Or at least a boy.

@ZigZagInToTheBeach I would explore what he means by boys get in trouble more than the girls. In my DS school I’ve been listening to the live lessons and reading the comments that the children make on their learning platform and have noticed that the vast majority of anti social behaviour is coming from boys.

I think there are lots of examples where boys are able to do things girls aren’t. For DS we have been reading both good night stories for rebel girls and also stories of boys who dare to be different for balance.

I would listen to him but I wouldn’t agree with him on points that I didn’t agree with, challenging them in an age appropriate way.

On the point of a teacher having a favourite, I think it’s often the case but what is the outcome you or your DS want? I would view it as a learning point, there are times in life that someone takes a shine to someone else (sometimes for no good reason) just crack on with what you need to do.

On the question of expectant parents preferring a girl versus a boy - there’s a thread right now on Pregnancy by a first-time mother-to-be who just found she’s having a girl. Her husband is furious/horrified, to the extent that he’s said he ’s “not motivated to have another girl” (he has a daughter from a previous relationship), is calling her “selfish” for asking for clarification of this, and is actively avoiding her.

In addition to the current and historical context in which girl babies are deprioritised, I think there’s also a dynamic that parents - especially first-time parents - may want a baby of their own sex. In reality, the work you do to care for a baby/child for the first few years really doesn’t vary much based on sex.

I’m curious, Miss Barbary : when you say "none of my friends wanted boys" do you mean that no expectant fathers in your friend group had any preference for a boy, or didn't mind having a boy?

I'm not surprised, OP, I have three daughters and one son, and my son has had more negative messages around being a boy. He asked me once, also around age 8, why it was that girls were smarter than boys - he had the impression from hearing others talk, and I suspect especially from seeing depictions on television, that men are a little stupid.

It was also notable to him that there were quite a few activities meant especially for girls and few for boys, he somehow also thought all doctors were women.

Anyway, I think at that age my approach would be to reassure home that everyone has struggles, and that we can't always see those of others easily.

I did cry when DS2 was born, but it was actually because I'd had a quick labour and the midwife said it was shock. I clearly remember sitting in the bed holding this tiny baby saying "sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. He's so perfect. Why am I crying?"

@MissBarbary it is usually stuff about girls and their friendship groups being so bitchy, not like nice straightforward boys who just have a physical fight when they disagree. Oh, and “thank goodness I don’t need to worry about DS being raped” tinkly-laugh slut-shaming once they hit puberty.

It’s generally older girls this is said about (age 8 and up), so if your friends all have babies you may just not have heard it. But it is definitely A Thing.

We're talking about people making comments about how boys are more difficult than girls.

If you want to check that it happens there are plenty of threads on here about it if you search.

People seem to be openly sexist when it comes to children. It's awful.

I personally have never come across the equivalent that mothers of boys get, so yes, I'm not taking your unsubstantiated statement as an objective truth. None of the women I know who were pregnant around the same time as me wanted boys.

OP the attitudes of the other boys his age shouldn't be overlooked.

IME boys that age are pretty down on girls! It's hard to counteract what they hear at school.

You get stuff like. Playground is taken up by boys playing football. School says that needs to stop or change in some way. Boys see this as unfair and the girls being considered above them.

That sort of dynamic can go on though not saying that's definitely the case with your son!

Yes. Why is it so hard for you to believe that mothers of girls don't get this sort of shit as well?

I'd be interested to know why you seem to think this is impossibly unlikely!

Have two preteen boys - got seriously hacked off from pregnancy onwards with people asking if I wouldn't have preferred a girl. I would have loved a daughter, but not at the expense of my wonderful sons!

Mine haven't picked up on negatives like your ds has (yet) but we do talk a lot about sexism, no such things as boy and girl interests etc. And I challenge every single daft saying in their hearing. Nicely.

Your ds sounds lovely. Value him and talk to him like you're doing - it's all we can do.

And yes of course she should have pulled her cousin up for saying that in front of her son!

Mothers of girls get stuff like this from mothers of boys.

It's not a one way street at all.

Firstly WTF from your cousin?

Does it surprise you that comments like that are made? I remember them as being fairly routine if you're the mother of boys only.

Someone actually asked me shortly after my son was born if I was disappointed he wasn't a girl. None of my friends wanted boys.

Firstly WTF from your cousin?

I hope you said something at the time or afterwards. At the very least, I don't want you saying shit like that in front of my son.

Girls get a lot of crap as well- bitchy etc.

It's not a competition!

If your son is interested in inequality around the world does he know about the situation for girls in some places? Or would he see that as proving his point- the focus is on them.

Good time to raise how privileged men have always been and still are, and that it's great that there are examples of addressing the balance. Does he notice the things in school that are in boys favour? Like the fact that they take up 90% of the playground playing football whilst the girls play round the edge.

Does he know that Brownies/Guides was originally set up because girls weren't allowed in Cubs/Scouts at all? Maybe it could be explained (depending on his level of understanding) as 'if somebody said you couldn't play with them, you went off and played with the other people they didn't want playing with them, would it be fair for them to then complain that you were playing your game without them?'

It does sound like he's picked up a few negative things from somewhere about women and girls, along with normal child feelings of It's Not Fair. Does he have contact with somebody you know has some complaints about the rights of women and girls? Somebody who, as an adult, claims to be A Nice Guy?

He might not. But it's worth bearing in mind.

• world leaders

I was going to say exactly what @sagaLoren has said.

It’s always so much easier to see the injustice being done to you / the cohort you identify with (in your son’s case - boys).

It’s not a race to the bottom, or a ‘who has it worse’ competition.

But encourage him to put himself in other people’s shoes.

Girls his age have to look at the range of works leaders, the CEOs, the power-holders of the world, and yes, the sports players who get paid so much more money - and see almost all men.

It’s hard because the situation for adults isn’t his world, and in his world, he feels hard done by.

But just encourage him to think outside his box a little bit, to see the bigger picture, and although things might seem pretty unfair right now, life will have a way of balancing out.

I think the important point to make here is that we are often acutely aware of the injustices inflicted on us but are often blind to those inflicted on others (in child friendly language of course!). A simple example for a young boy - imagine a girl who loves football, all of the players she sees on TV are men, everyone talks about football as though it's something for boys, people laugh about how girls are no good and so she gives up her dream and sits on the sidelines with the other girls. Unless you spent a day in her shoes you wouldn't even know that's how she felt.

Without boys girls tend to be better at not only taking risks at school but academically too. It’s why single sex girls schools do so much better in terms of grades and STEM careers.

You can tell him that the scouts decided to let girls to join because not enough boys were joining and the organisation was struggling.