DS8 feels hard done by as a male..

However know that I'm actually pregnant (Dont know the sex) obviously I want a healthy baby above all and will be chuffed either way.

I'd be very confused if I had a little boy and someone asked me if I would have preferred a girl!

Discuss Invisible Women with him? Leave a copy where he can read it.
Try to spot where disabled people are disadvantaged. Steps or gravel paths or muddy paths mean mobility impaired people can't go where others can. Overhanging hedges and pavement furniture and potholes and broken paving is a barrier for visually impaired. Music is distressing for both certain neurological conditions and for hearing impaired, because it drowns their option of understanding speech. (It is smeared over all nature programmes, so deaf people are banned from Attenborough) Old people are openly jeered at and despised (watch the Simpsons, or, if you can bear it, Mrs Browns Boys, or the James Corden One man two guvnors. In every case, old people are derided) Your boy is on the right lines, in being aware of injustice and inequality. Of course he has only noticed what affects him, but that is the perfect starting point to notice others.

The all too effective Sharmi Chackrabati (sp?) started thinking of injustice when noticing a fellow student couldn't access the campus using a wheelchair. She could have transformed the country, putting her efforts into that injustice, instead of distorting the budget, the legal aid fund, and the equalities law to mean only one equality is more equal than others.

Around the teachers favourite issue I think it's great that you have acknowledged he is right about that.
My parents always insisted teachers didn't have favourites and the flat out contradicting of what I could see with my own eyes didn't do anything for my opinion of my parents.
I just stopped talking to them about school as they seemed so clueless.
That is not necessarily a gendered issue though, my younger brother was very much the teachers favourite in one of his primary school classes.
I would just explain as a pp said that sometimes people like someone more than others for their own individual reasons. But they should still be treating everyone fairly.

What would you suggest instead of ‘expectant fathers’, MissBarbary?

I’m curious,Miss Barbary: when you say "none of my friends wanted boys" do you mean that no expectant fathers in your friend group had any preference for a boy, or didn't mind having a boy?

Didn't discuss it so much with the fathers, but 2 of them wanted daughters, not sons. The women all wanted daughters.

(As an aside "expectant fathers" is just one step away from "we are pregnant")

I think it’s the other way around. Boys are hard work and the kind of noise and disruption they cause is really not welcome or tolerated by parents (or by the rest of us, for that matter).

I think there's a place for noise and girls make just as much of it. They just get told more often that they shouldn't.

I imagine that the first sentence is a consequence of the second. Boys are 'expected' to be loud and boisterous and get away with a lot of behaviour that girls wouldn't from a very young age. So girls have already learnt that this behaviour is not always ok by the time they get to school, boys havent' had the same expectation placed on them and so will get into trouble more

I think it’s the other way around. Boys are hard work and the kind of noise and disruption they cause is really not welcome or tolerated by parents (or by the rest of us, for that matter).

I see a lot of parents humiliated by their little boys in public but they just can’t control them, for whatever reason.

The bbc documentary "no more boys or girls" is good for showing how stereotypes harm both boys and girls.

^^Yes! A good doc to show your son OP.

The boys at school get into trouble more frequently than the girls do.
Various comments made by my friends or family, eg. my cousin witnessing my boys playing in the mud and joking to me "Sometimes I wish that I had had a son but at times like this I'm glad I didn't", or my friend who comments on how boys are noisier and harder work than girls.

I imagine that the first sentence is a consequence of the second. Boys are 'expected' to be loud and boisterous and get away with a lot of behaviour that girls wouldn't from a very young age. So girls have already learnt that this behaviour is not always ok by the time they get to school, boys havent' had the same expectation placed on them and so will get into trouble more.

I'm sorry your son is feeling this way. A lot of pop culture these days is F men. I try to make a point to strike a balance between celebrating womanhood and our new found freedoms and not doing to boys and men what they've historically done to us. There comes a point when oppressed groups gain enough ground that they mimic their oppressors without consequence which isn't real change but a game of table turning.
In somewhere like India or Chechnya it's not unusual to read about a man chopping off his daughters head or a group of men kidnapping and raping girls and unfortunately in those such countries they so very disconnected from the freedoms women have in the west that this very post would probably be a punishable act.

I think this is important but also as all have said, looking at stereotypes is really important.

I do think there are as many issues with gender stereotypes for boys as there are for girls. It's still sexism and does harm boys, and then by default girls.

The bbc documentary "no more boys or girls" is good for showing how stereotypes harm both boys and girls.

I am surprised posters are surprised that your DS feels this way. And for the poster saying that your DS wanting a boy Brownies club as an example of male entitlement is mind boggling. This is a little boy we're talking about.

There are differences between how girls and boys are treated and the gender stereotyping harms both girls and boys.

As a mother of a boy and working in education, I've seen first hand the harm it does. It's something I am aware of and do my best to counteract both in school and at home. My DS and I have discussions about this and much more from time to time.

I'm appalled at the teacher who says girls are quiet and boys are noisy. Even if she/he said that in that class that's how they are, it's still one thing to think it but another to say out loud to the pupils.

Just talk to him. As others have said the brownies issue is easily explained. He’s simply wrong about teachers treating boys more harshly. I’m a teacher and ime it is mainly boys that get ‘told off’ because they need it more, but girls get harsher treatment for the same thing. Eg if boys fight there will be pretty severe sanctions but if girls fought (which I’ve never actually encountered) you can bet that they would be dealt with much more seriously- people would be shocked but the boys get an eye roll half the time. I’ve witnessed colleagues allowing a constant low level of disruption from boys but the same behaviour in the same lesson from girls being dealt with firmly. There was a very interesting documentary about this a while ago. My dd loves football, at primary school the boys wouldn’t ‘let’ the girls play and would deliberately hurt them / not pass the ball If they were told they had to let them. The school started a (very popular) girls only football club. Of course the boys complained that it was unfair, they were outraged!
He’s not wrong about stereotypes being imposed - the ‘I’m a little monster’ vs ‘I’m a princess’ logos on clothes. But that’s annoying, or should be, for everyone! Tell him that girls that want to do fun outdoors things often have to buy boys clothes because they can’t find warm strong boys clothes.

I have noticed people having negative feelings towards small boys more than small girls and there being differences in boys access to certain things because they are too "feminine".

I have one of each. My daughter (who is a handful) gets many compliments from strangers about how sweet she is. My son is six, loves colourful and sparkly clothes and is quite a sensitive character. He's got a pretty awesome attitude and just likes what he likes and doesn't give a toss if people say it's for boys or girls. Some days, depending on what he's wearing, he gets mistaken for girl by strangers and then gets treated in a warmer way.

He complains about how the girls have lots more options at school for what to wear. They are allowed the school t-shirt, pinafores and summer dresses, skirts or trousers. He often asks why the boys don't have any options.

One of his grandmothers gives my daughter all kinds of gifts that my son would really like. She'll happily give my daughter something "boy-ish" too but never anything she would think of as being "girly" for my son, even if he asks if he can have the same as DD.

He's mentioned his teacher saying that all the girls are nice and quiet and the boys are naughty and says he wasn't doing anything but gets lumped in with disruptive boys.

His friends are mostly girls and they did all go to rainbows/brownies. He asked me about it once or twice but, although I was sorry he felt left out, I did think there is a case for it being a female space. I've also talked to him about how women get treated unequally.

OP, I am surprised at your DSs view given how the world is, but pleased that you are willing to act on it and use some of the advice posted earlier in the thread.

My MIL frequently commented on how much harder she found it to raise her daughter than her sons. I don't think she's made the connection to those comments with the fact my DD doesn't initiate contact. If anything Girlchild has received more 'things' from her grandparents on that side than any of her 3 brothers, but that doesn't undo the harm.

I think it's really important to acknowledge the feeling that girls are favoured over boys in his world.

But it's also really important to ensure that you have a lot of conversations about stereotypes, about how we tend towards blaming groups of people rather than distinguishing between those within a cohort, how what can look unfair to one group (boys) can seem equally unfair to the other group for a different reason.

Eg: teacher X tells the boys off more often than the girls. Boys feel like it's unfair to them. Girls feel like the boys take up more of the teachers attention and time. No one feels there is a balance. Each group feels there is a legitimate grievance.

With scouts/guides I wonder if someone else pointed out this 'unfair' situation. I wouldn't have expected it at 8. But if it's a concern of his that continues maybe look together at WHY the situation is as at it. Look at the history of both movements. And discuss whether he/other boys actually WANT to go to brownies/guides or just don't like not being welcome. Also, do they actively want a single sex space for themselves, or are they concerned about perceived fairness?

White working class boys are actually the most disadvantaged group. There is plenty of literature on the subject. There are plenty of groups/bursaries/charities for girls only or BAME only. There is a huge class issue in this country. I say this as a mixed race woman who grew up working class. I have had a LOT more opportunities than my white working class father. Why? Due to my race and sex I was able to apply for bursaries and training programmes etc.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/oct/18/being-white-wont-hold-boys-back-being-working-class-just-might

Gender stereotypes hurt everyone - boys as well as girls. And boys often suffer for a lack of good male role models.

It’s good to discuss these things - to talk about how patriarchy is primarily hateful towards girls, but also has a negative effect on boys.

The second means that being female or from an ethnic minority can add additional barriers to success that white males don’t face

Sure, they face a different set of barriers.

But I was responding to the poster who thinks a white male can get mediocre grades and get paid more than his sister anyway because of ‘white male privilege’.

I don’t think it’s true for a certain class of males, and I’d like to see sources if it is.

@GrumpyHoonMain they could have done 2 sessions then.

Thanks for posting this OP, I have two boys, too young for this to be relevant yet, but it has occurred to me that it will be a thing later on.

Giving opportunities to individuals to affect societal change (eg the STEM opportunity for girls only above) can be very difficult for those who “lose out” to understand, and certainly when it comes to racism and white privilege there are plenty of adults who don’t understand it.

I imagine it’s at least in part a case of waiting for him to mature in to these more difficult concepts, giving him the tools to understand when he is able to. Maybe it could help to look at parallels where it’s easier for him to empathise - perhaps homelessness and why it’s important for those of us who have and can afford houses and big grocery bills to support those can’t?

There’s a huge difference @UsedUpUsername between saying “white males are all privileged” and teaching the concept of white male privilege. The two mean very different things! The first is clearly untrue. The second means that being female or from an ethnic minority can add additional barriers to success that white males don’t face. I don’t think you’d find many people who disagree that it’s intersectional and wealth plays a huge role as well.

He can coast at school, get mediocre grades and still get paid more than his imaginary sister

This is really not true. White working class boys are the social class least likely to go to university. IIRC there’s also a significant gap wrt leaving certs. The gap is not as glaring among working class girls—this is an important point.

It does a real disservice to assume white males are all privileged. Working class white males have poor life outcomes, for whatever reason. We should care, because their failures affect us all (in terms of crime, economy, family stability, drug usage, etc etc). They really are kind of a problem we can’t ignore.

www.spectator.co.uk/article/the-lost-boys-the-white-working-class-is-being-left-behind/amp

That said, I hear nothing but envy and praise for families with two children of both sexes. Like, they got it right the first time or something 😂🤦‍♀️

He can coast at school, get mediocre grades and still get paid more than his imaginary sister,

The boys at school will get into trouble for doing something that the girls don't get into trouble for, one of his examples is being asked to quieten down.

So are the girls noisy?

Does he want to be a brownie? He could (OK he'd need help) create a boys brownies. Does he want to skip around a toadstool.

Sorry if I sound harsh but the scouts / brownie thing is a typical male attitude of, "well the females have something, why don't they do something for us?" when they could set up their own group / course / class.

Maybe start with international men's day and help him organise a celebration.