Pronouns in email

hbr.org/2016/08/why-women-feel-more-stress-at-work

Article on stereotype threat. TL;DR- women perform worse at work if continually reminded that we are women. If you want women to do well in male dominated environments, do this less, not more.

I received my first email this week with a pronoun declaration. Stopped me in my tracks and it still bothers me.

It just feels like we've come full circle from reducing the role of gender to almost opening to door for discrimination. I have a unisex name, like Alex, and I enjoy not being constrained by a gendered name in the workplace. This just defeats the object and does nothing but reinforce that gender is a discriminating factor, and regresses us towards to a divisive era where gender is SO important.

This exact topic came up on my dog walk just now, and it wasn’t raised by me, either. A fellow dog walker (with whom I’ve never discussed anything like this before) has just had this debate in their work Diversity committee. What was interesting was that it was the forty something white male member who suggested it, and the hitherto woke twenty something woman who pushed back against it.

Dog walking friend asked if I’d come across this and following our conversation has requested that I send her some material on stereotype threat and difficulties for those with English as a second language.

Delighted to oblige

We have had this at work, not mandatory but as a ‘suggestion’. I resisted it at first but had a chat with someone who suggested it wouldn’t be for ‘me’ but for anyone else who wanted to state their pronouns to be less weird basically, if we all do it then it’s not ‘odd’.

However I am now considering taking them off because actually you’re right - none of the men have done it!!

Fuck this!

I'm recruiting at the moment and I would probably discount someone if they had pronouns in their email. Reading this, I probably shouldn't in case they've been made to do it! If they have it in their LinkedIn or twitter name though, it's a no.

Wonder if it works both ways, would a pronouns-in-bio person discount me as an employee? I'm out as GC on twitter in my real name and it's not that a common a name/has my real face.

@Chrysanthemum5
Thank you on behalf of women!! Even when you're more senior, it's not at all easy to pushback.

In my organisation (NHS), we haven't been told we have to but it is recommended. So I haven't had to give an explanation for not doing so, yet. There are so so many reasons to not do this I wouldn't know where to start. I think one of the main reasons for me is that I often email patients and It might make my email appear like my needs were more important than theirs which is very jarring. I think as someone else said it creates a scenario where people would feel they can get it wrong and would be judged for doing so and that's so unnecessary.

@ErrolTheDragon yes it's all completely exclusive rather than inclusive. If pronouns discussion come round again at work (which they will) I will repeat my arguments but also add that pronouns are confusing for some individuals with hidden disabilities

I think the advice you've been given is really good. Just say: no, I don't feel comfortable.
Upthread someone said:
I wonder if it is actually legal to enforce staff to declare their gender identity? Whether that would stand up in court. It seems like a breach of your right to privacy which isn't actually necessary for you to do your job.
Of course, it is absolutely NOT legal to make an employee make a public pronoun declaration. It would never stand up in court as it is an invasion of privacy, so you'll be on very strong grounds simply declining or ignoring the request.
Bear also in mind that there will most definitely be others, in or outside your workplace, who think it's all wrong and who make a little positive mental note when they see that your a pronoun resister! It may not feel like it but I promise you - we are there!

(I don’t refer to myself in the third person; I would prefer people choose what they think is appropriate and manage their own cognitive dissonance if necessary)

Do you have a gender? If you don’t (or if you simply don’t believe in that crap) just tell them. They can’t force a gender on you.

Agree with those saying an impact assessment for women’s rights in the workplace required first. Might also ask whether they would mind confirming that no gender pay gap exists at the company too!

This regularly comes up at work fortunately I'm senior enough that I can push back so I've explained it is unfair to women, and that it makes conversation harder for people whose first language isn't English so I won't be doing it. I've also refused to let my team be forced to add pronouns, and I have refused to let 'cis' become a standard term in our documents.

It's exhausting that it keeps coming up, and I'm fed up providing the evidence that all of this has a negative impact upon women. So sometimes I think I'll just give up and put ze/zir as my pronouns and leave it at that. But then every time I push back against this being normalised I get women coming up to me after and thanking me because they are not senior enough to do that, and if it comes in they will have to comply.

So if you don't agree with pronouns, and you are able to refuse please do so for the sake of others who can't refuse

“At the discretion of the user”

I vote she/him/god. I had this at work and just didn’t do it. No one said anything.

6th form girls (note:not boys) on their Zoom names are also putting their chosen pronouns -which are ALL she/her. Will the girls notice that they're the only ones doing this and will they question there actions? One hopes

I am absolutely sick of this shit! And yes, those using it in their LinkedIn profile names just let me know who to avoid.

I also note that (in my professional services sector and extensive wider network) I have seen multiple women announcing their pronouns and the sum total of 2 men doing so (one of whom is the US head of our LBGT network and heading up the pronoun initiative).

I think 'she/they' must mean that they don't mind either the normal set of sex-appropriate pronouns or the neutrals used as singulars

Oh! Is that how it works? !!!

I had no idea.

Why have they "got nothing better to do?" not everyone thinks the same way, and if they want to state their pronouns, if it makes life easier for them, why can't they

How does it make life easier for those who state pronouns?
Am genuinely interested in the answer. Because if it does in fact make life easier I'm all for it.

Pronouns majesty/highness.

I got an email yesterday from one of the HR team about a (totally voluntary) 'inclusion week' set of virtual events. Unlike all the people I actually work with - multinational scientists, software engineers, IT people - it had pronouns. She/her, of course. It's my 3rd sighting in the whole company, all from women, course.
The immediate effect was that it made me feel excluded. It suggests the people in charge of 'inclusion' either don't know about the biases against women or don't care.
The company has a sex ratio of under 25% women globally, my perception is they're complacent that's in line with industry norms.

Everyone on Instagram seems to be doing this. It makes me cringe.