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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Elizabeth Day - How To Fail

27 replies

CaveMum · 04/03/2021 14:09

I've recently discovered Elizabeth Day and her "How To Fail" podcast and books.

I was put onto her by my CBT therapist (just completed the last of our 12 sessions) who I was talking to about anxiety and depression. We worked things through and came to the conclusion that the majority of my issues can be traced back to feelings of failure and/or a fear of failure/not being "perfect" (main issues include struggling to conceive, being unsuccessful at breastfeeding and a traumatic childbirth).

I've only listened to a small number of her podcasts - picking and choosing rather than listening to them all in order - and some of her interviewees have been fascinating people: Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Emma Barnett, Gina Miller, Gloria Steinem, Nadia Hussein etc, but the thing that fascinates me is her statement that, generally, men and women seem to view failure differently. She said when she started out she would ask contacts to be guests on her podcast and when asking the men to be guests a lot of them would say that they don't feel they have many failures to discuss, whereas the women tended to say they have too many.

I know that I perceive myself to be a "failure" in many different ways and as my therapist pointed out to me, I need to teach myself that expecting perfection from myself, and others, is just setting myself up for failure as no one is "perfect" in every way (Mary Poppins aside!).

I guess what I am trying to say is, do you feel that way too? Do you think that, as women, we put too much pressure on ourselves, (as well as society putting pressure on us) not to "fail" and do you think that we perceive failure differently to men?

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CaveMum · 04/03/2021 14:19

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll put that one on my "to listen to" list! I listened to the one where she was the interviewee this morning, very moving to listen to her talk about her own fertility struggles and it was like a lightbulb went off when she said that a lot of the language around fertility issues is couched as failure - failure to respond to drugs, incompetent cervix, inhospitable womb, etc.

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Ocsetldil · 04/03/2021 14:15

I love Eliza Bidet (from her Insta and Twitter handles). Listen to the Jane Garvey interview - Jane was on a panel who were interviewing for a job and the only candidate who admitted that they had made a mistake was the only female candidate. She got the job because the interviewing panel said that they wouldn’t trust anyone who claimed they had never made a mistake.