Supernanny - hanging out with the abusive dads

Its best to look at the figures for the UK, as our psychiatric care is different.

When read something like this “ More than 40% of the killers in these crimes were mothers, with fathers making up about 57% of those who killed their own offspring.” from a U.S. article, I think it is best we look at both parents carefully. Putting most of your focus on one parent because he is a man and statistics say so isn’t going to protect the child.

@FluffyHippo

Erm, Nope.

Just stating the obvious - she's a nanny

Male co-worker moved 3 hrs away from his kids with the other woman, then proceeded to tell everyone his 'bitch ex' turned the kids against him, when he was too lazy to do the travel. You can usually tell when it's real and when the man is a piece of shit.

I could add in my anecdotes here about cases I know where the ex-wife has clearly tried to alienate the children from their father. And others where the father was a useless bastard who tried to blame his ex for the lack of relationship with the children. The reality is that every situation is different, with its own complexities and everyone having their own version of 'the truth', including individual children. I think it is generally a good thing that it is no longer assumed that the mum is the good guy who always has her childrens best interests at heart, that was a necessary correction. No need to swing wildly to the other side though, every case must be looked upon on its merits. And of course sometimes, maybe more often than not, both parents are imperfect and get things wrong.

My mum tried to leave my dad 8 times when we were children. 8 times and each time, we were brought back home to dad.

We were told later on as adults that dad had explained to the police officer, he felt mum was turning us all against him.

'It was just a small domestic.'

This was to the police, it never got as far as the courts or social services. Mum said she was told she's be prosecuted for wasting police time if she went to the police again. She just gave up end, her parents were overseas and no other family nearby.

Many abusers will be so versed in laying on a charming persona and presenting their partner is trying to take their children away from them, even though the partner is leaving with fear and abuse every day. DV organisations document and explain this clearly, the grooming, coercive control etc.

Why on earth is a reasonably articulate woman like JF believe such a lobbying group? And they are lobbyists at best. 2

i dont get why some women are so convinced men are evil.

my brother was physically, emotionally and mentally abused by his ex wife, to the point during the custody case over contact time with the kids, even social services absolutely panned her horrible behavior, and accused her of serious parental alienation.

Funnily enough, she's became a born again christian since the divorce, and has now turned to emotionally abusing her DD as she has come out as LGBT, but hey.. women aren't abusive are they?

I know a couple, now split up, where the dad would gaslight the mum constantly, I saw it happen to her and he tried it on me many many times.

She now has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and so doesn’t have custody of the children. I believe that the constant gaslighting and emotional abuse caused the BPD, she never knew if she was coming or going with him.

He has very much turned the children against her, they all refer to her as ‘crazy mummy’. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.

Also Supernanny is a horrible show

My dad and his side of the family thought my mum turned us against him. In actual fact my stepdad created a toxic, abusive atmosphere in our home and we were all shit scared and forced to call HIM dad. Things are often not what they seem when it comes to children in these situations and the upshot is that few people in positions of authority (but also in general) have good enough training to domestic abuse.

For me, frankly, it's a replication of the situation women are in with rape - men are innocent until proven guilty, women are lying until proven honest - and children bear the brunt of our ineffectual systems.

To this day my dad claims my mum turned us against him. Couldn't be further from the truth but I'm glad we never had to argue the case.

My DH was accused of turning the children against his ex. In reality they’d been witness to her both being violent towards him, AND her having a months long affair with a close family friend and moving him in the day after kicking their dad out. The kids were and still are traumatised and will carry it with them for life. She still has no idea why her kids hate her. Bizarre behaviour.

The show she starred in was very bad for parents struggling with SN children due to how much she popularised her often quite myopic view of behavioural issues.

That's a whole other topic though!

There will be many friends, family members and co workers of some fathers feeling total sympathy for them being "denied" contact by an alleged spiteful mother, who would be horrified if they knew the real reasons why the mother felt so strongly.
Yes.

There are many amazing well qualified nanny’s out there (I support a profession that is made up of mostly women). Jo Frost is not one of them.

I’ve not read the thread and don’t know what your referring too.

But I wouldn’t trust a single thing Jo Frost is saying. She’s done so much damage with regards to parenting practices. Anyone with a basic knowledge of child development would know what she advocates is a pile of shite.

I'm afraid the accusation of PA towards mothers is used regularly by abusive fathers, as is the issue of child contact to continue to cause distress. It's truly astonishing how many abusive fathers claim they are being denied contact by the courts, if you believed popular media you would think the courts are overly biased towards mothers, however speak to police, social workers and domestic violence specialists and the reality is very different, it's very unusual for contact to be denied, even under proven cases of abuse, which is a scandal.
There will be many friends, family members and co workers of some fathers feeling total sympathy for them being "denied" contact by an alleged spiteful mother, who would be horrified if they knew the real reasons why the mother felt so strongly.

Good blog post. Thank you Jean.

This bit is particularly worrying. The DSM seems to have been politicised and used in various ways in recent years that are harmful to women.

The group "Parental Alienation Study Group" lists over 700 members. Many of them are wealthy and/or powerful and they are determined to push "Parental Alienation" into the DSM-5 (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders) and also the "International Classification of Diseases". You can find a list of their members and these aims here.

I always wondered if men start using the term “abusive” instead of crazy, does it change everything ? Because it is never considered abusive if you describe men’s behavior as abusive. Sometimes you do have to hear these men out and listen what they are saying and make decisions based on evidences . Because every once a while, I read the news about mothers hurting or killing their children. Even selling their child

I agree absolutely that it will be trotted out as a counter to domestic abuse claims. I also agree women have to be heard. What worries me is children who are being turned against their non resident parent and the fall out for families. It does happen.

To me there is the issue of domestic abuse and further abuse of women and children through family court, with misuse of parental alienation as a claim by abusive fathers. Then there are non abusive fathers with children being emotionally abused by mothers and turned against non resident parents. It does happen.

What we need is an overhaul of family court. It does not work for anyone, especially abused women and children.

Great blog @Jeanhatchet and thank you for writing it