Single man looking for a surrogate - BBC

As for donor gametes and I've already talked about this in another post:

Either you accept that if parents are suffering infertility they can use donor gametes (sperm and/or eggs) to become parents

OR

You believe that the people who donated the gametes are the parents, regardless of who gestated the baby.

YY. I noticed too that people were trying to have it all ways.

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@Clymene many times they are not their biological mother ?
And why are fathers not important?
Some children should not ever be with their mother and are taken for very good reason as well , just being a women or mother doesn't automatically make it better or safer for a baby in every case [/quote]
That's why I said 'if at all possible'. Not all women who give birth can adequately mother their children, I accept that.

As for donor gametes and I've already talked about this in another post:

Either you accept that if parents are suffering infertility they can use donor gametes (sperm and/or eggs) to become parents

OR

You believe that the people who donated the gametes are the parents, regardless of who gestated the baby.

Both things can't be true. Legally a woman who gives birth is a child's mother. There is a lot more to gestating a baby than it just living in your uterus for 9 months or so.

Because it’s not the baby’s choice to be separated at birth?
Its a baby ? It doesn't know and many babies are separated at birth for lots of reasons
Ill mums, ill babies , unfit mothers , given up for adoption etc
Many of these children are well rounded people , because surely its the years after that matter and make a difference to them
Maybe people should actually be asking grown up surrogate children how they feel and if they are happy ? Is their statistics to proove they are more unhappy than biological children

Also how is it exploiting if a women wants to do this for a friend or relative etc ? And what business is it if anyone else

@Clymene many times they are not their biological mother ?
And why are fathers not important?
Some children should not ever be with their mother and are taken for very good reason as well , just being a women or mother doesn't automatically make it better or safer for a baby in every case

If a woman wants to be a surrogate why is that not her choice? As long as women are not being forced, then what is the issue

Also the comment comparing being a surrogate to using your body like a dancer - haaaa!! It’s much more similar to prostitution except much worse since prostitutes aren’t generally risking severe vaginal tearing, preeclampsia, DEATH and everything else that comes with a risky pregnancy and birth.

How can it possibly be OK to use another woman’s body in this way? It’s akin to legalising buying organs which is a dark road to enter. Are these commissioners thinking about the baby’s rights to bond with their mother after birth? My babies knew my smell, my voice, they were only soothed by listening to my heartbeat on my chest. In some tragic cases, babies don’t experience that and it causes trauma. How could you knowingly cause that? Because you want a baby enough to ignore it. Selfish and wrong.

Just chiming in as another woman who is infertile with no children, has the means to use surrogacy, but who is utterly against it. It never even crossed my mind. I don’t have a right to another woman’s body just because mine doesn’t work, and I don’t have a right to a baby.

I also don’t take exception to the concept that I don’t know what it’s like to become a mother and to experience the unique love for a being that came out of my body. I can imagine it, but I don’t know it. It makes me sad sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

The fella in the OP makes me uncomfortable.

[quote Igiveyouanonion]@Usagi12 many people are killed in car crashes every year - how many of these people are expendable to you? 1, 100, 1000? At what point will you be advocating for a full ban of all motor vehicles?[/quote]
Another gem, you're on fire today because this is absolutely comparing apples with apples 🤣🤣🤣
How exactly do you know that all commissioning parents are nice, lovely people????? I bet some of them are, they're still buying a baby, a human being made to their specifications.
Right now actually, don't have a car, they cause awful damage to the environment and people's health, get rid of them tomorrow I say!

It’s not the mother because she has not sold herself, her body, she still owns her body. She has agreed to provide a service, or labour for nine months. The fact she uses her body isn’t selling her body any more than if you worked any physical job. Is a gymnast or dancer selling her body? No.

Not even close. A dancer who doesn't like the choreographer can quit. Once pregnant, you must go through it to the end or suffer a painful and possibly dangerous miscarriage or abortion. This kind of thinking is precisely why women who have given birth and/or mothered children are uniquely qualified to weigh in on surrogacy.

I was adopted as a baby. Unusually for someone my age, I was voluntarily given up for adoption. This wasn't even a scenario in which I was given up for adoption due to my mother realising that she didn't have the means to care for me and that I'd be better off elsewhere. I have an older biological sister and younger siblings who she was able to care for with a reasonable degree of competence.

My life has undoubtedly been better with my adoptive mother than it would have been with my birth mother, I had a happy childhood. However, it does hurt knowing that the woman who gave birth to you gave you up willingly and, in my case, unnecessarily. I think one thing which could make it worse is knowing that it was done for money.

PlanDeRaccordement it’s nothing like being a dancer, more like being a prostitute. Renting out reproductive organs for 9 months in order to create a baby whereas a prostitution would only do it for a short period at a time. It hardly progressive for women.

Like I said there are women who are desperate for a baby they can’t have due to infertility.

While I have far more sympathy for infertile women than I do for a fertile, single, heterosexual man who can't seem to find a female life partner (I have questions there as well) ethical and rational decisions are difficult to make when one is desperate. Adoptive patents go through so much scrutiny to be parents, yet this man can just purchase and store embryos and we are asked to feel sorry for him that a "womb" isn't readily available?!?!?

It's another good reason that surrogacy should be banned. Doctor, fertility clinic, vetting company, lawyers they can all get paid for their work. But the woman taking the biggest risk and working the longest shift, gets nothing.

Yes, adoption and surrogacy are very different.
But many individuals who are drawn to surrogacy look towards adoption if they are not able to engage with a surrogate mother.

I think the only surrogacy that should be allowed is eg sister for sibling, good friends etc. No money ever. Adoption may not be easy, the children available may be in need of extraordinary parenting, but they deserve a home before we allow people to grow some more semi commercially (including buying from abroad)

@Soontobe60
It absolutely is buying a body. To suggest otherwise is plain ignorant,

Which body you referring to?

It’s not the baby...the baby is merely a grown version of the embryo implanted so never belonged to and never was part of the surrogate mother.

It’s not the mother because she has not sold herself, her body, she still owns her body. She has agreed to provide a service, or labour for nine months. The fact she uses her body isn’t selling her body any more than if you worked any physical job. Is a gymnast or dancer selling her body? No.

Adoption and surrogacy are very different.

In my experience, individuals interested in adoption, whether in committed partnerships or lone parents, are generally wanting to be parents. They may not be bringing home a baby but they help children experience the rest of their childhood outside of the care system, and they get to have a family, they can call their own.
Male individuals coming to us after not being able to find a surrogate mother willing/able/available to give them a baby, are often much more focused on what their own needs are, rather than having any empathy for what a surrogate mother has to endure or being focused on future needs of the children.
This is my lived experience, not a generalised opinion.
Often I have to ensure that pregnant ladies of my team aren't visible to some service users due to the vitriol they face simply by being pregnant.
You can learn a lot about people who are disparaging about pregnant women.

I find it a bit odd that a school teacher, of all people, would choose to call their dog Tor. Most people associate Tor with illegal activity on the Dark Web. I know Tor has perfectly legitimate uses too, but it just seems a bit unwise to hint at use of this tool.