Stupid shit we did as teens which might suggest powerful drugs and surgery are not the choices to be made at that time

I begged and begged my Dad to let me have 2 cosmetic surgery operations because I hated my body. I was convinced these operations would solve everything for me.

He refused to let me have those ops and I'm glad every single day that he did. So unnecessary.

I also got involved with a much older man (23 years older) wtaf was that about. I "dated" him from ages 17 to 20. What a joke that was. I even thought it was ok until I was about 26. I reached age 26 and started thinking what the fuck was I doing and why didn't anyone stop me? It was well weird.

Risky behaviour on holiday with my girl friends. Too much alcohol involved.

Trying too hard in a role I was in, only female. Ended up being taken advantage of by the men. I'm pretty sure there's a case of rape (or two) in there but I try not to think about it. (One time I was too drunk too consent, another time I was saying "no, no, no" all the time but was ignored and he outranked me so 🤷🏼‍♀️)

Oh and my father used to point out every day sexism to me too.
He used to get wound up if there was some sexist advert somewhere and say well look at that, look at that stereotyping, don't fall for that. He would do the same about racism, and would not accept anyone being racist around him.

He would expect me to do sport and take part at everything at school.

Went to a girl secondary and he was like well there you go, enjoy it, boys won't be able to manipulate the teaching.
Very supportive.

He was also annoyed that one of his sisters who was so clever was basically shoe-horned into being a dictation typist.

But I remember my phase of no toys, no girly stuff, no fancy clothes ...all ofcourse because I was not going to get them, and I felt it was a way I would stop questions about being poor or something.

I was not even a teenager but I knew my parents were poor and our family was poor.

I never really got much in the way of presents as they could not afford it so I got some books or something educational and that was it. They did actually provide me with lots of opportunity but could not afford toys etc. My father was big instead on making sure I got a better education than he had had.

I remember declaring I did not want toys, dolls or anything girly. I just wanted to wear my black top and black jeans. I did not want the barbies or anything.

This was because I knew my parents could not provide it and I wanted a reason to explain to friends at school why I did not have the same toys.
It was easier pretending I was not into it than seeing other girls choose stuff on catalogues etc,

I often wonder if it happened today would some teacher think I was on some journey???

When I was older and had a part time job I bought myself some toys- even though I did not need them by then, go figure, who knows what it means.

Fortunately it was the 70s and no one really cared about my dramatics.
I do remember one other school mum who must have picked up I was broke and she would sometimes give me lifts and make sure I was ready for school trips and the like, such a lovely lady.

I also feel fortunate that my parents did not actually give me heaps of "gender" reinforcing crap, even though I went and bought some of it when I was older???

This thread just makes me uncomfortable because I think that it stereotypes young people.

Spartacus, that's not what it's about. We're recalling the (naturally) immature things we did, that we thought at the time made perfect sense. There's nothing insulting or humiliating about that -- it's a natural part of human development. The point is that we were young, and our critical faculties weren't yet fully developed.

That's why we don't even let children get tattoos. Yet they've been allowed to have their breasts removed and take drugs that will make them permanently infertile. At a time of life when it's natural for them to have wild enthusiasms and do crazy things, as we did.

I thank god every time I see some genderqueer nonsense that I was born at a more sensible time and had parents who allowed me to be who I was without question.

Oh god yes, Sparkles, me too. I get a cold sweat when I think of what is done to gender non-conforming kids now.

Self harm, substance misuse, eating disorder. I was a mess and desperately unhappy.

Pretty sure these days if I was a teen I'd take the promise of not having to be girl anymore plus being the most oppressed ever would fit with my mental state.

*oh god

Oh go's I don't want to even go back there in my head! I pray daily my daughter isn't as stupid and reckless as I was.

I remember mum marching me to a plastic surgeon at 15 as I was begging to have a nose job. There is nothing wrong with it. Luckily the surgeon told me how ridiculous I was.

I also wanted my ears pinned back... that never happened either. I'm very glad now!

I believed a relationship with a man would make me happy.

What an idiot I was back then

Changed my name by deed poll at 18. There was nothing really wrong with my name, but I felt self-conscious about it and associated it with a poor image of myself. I couldn't imagine a future romantic partner calling me by it. Changed it back a few years later and have felt completely embarrassed by the whole episode ever since. Unfortunately it lives on, on various contemporary documents. I now have no problem with my given name whatsoever, in fact I'm very pleased to have it. I was silly to think a deed poll would magically counteract the fact that this was my actual name that I'd been known by all my life and always would be my given name. The issues were entirely about self-image and immaturity.

I often think about that when I read about teens "becoming their authentic self".

Also, despite having been a slim and attractive girl, I managed to develop all sorts of specific neuroses about my looks, would spend hours tackling these imperfections, and talked about cosmetic surgery like it was nothing. Again, I felt this would all bring me closer to "who I was meant to be".

I thought of that when I read a Mr Menno article yesterday, in which he recounts a transitioning (M to F) friend talking about facial feminisation surgery and saying sadly "I just want to be prettier".

I am now perfectly happy with my looks. Well, I wouldn't mind losing 5 or 10 kilos, but at the moment I'm prioritising eating cake and not wearing skintight skimpy clothing as I used to.

I'm very grateful that the internet didn't feature in my young years. My regrettable deeds and haircuts are largely confined to memory.

Also a Wiccan

Dyed my hair every colour under the sun, had tattoos of random shit.

Drank to excess and did silly things like walking 4 miles home at 4am over unlit fields

Thought that I knew exactly what my life plan would be and how it would all work out

Spent loads of money on credit and got myself in financial trouble

Used my student loan to work my way through the cocktail menu every night for a few weeks then scraped by with no money for the rest of the term.

Did many stupid things. Such as:

Arriving for a university interview early in a town I’d never been to before. Getting chatted up by some random guy at the station and then going back to his flat and smoking a joint with him before leaving to go for the interview!

Nothing bad happened, but shit!

There's a reason we have the saying older and wiser. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone I often wonder how some people have made it to adulthood.

I thought I was so right about lots of things as a teenager and particularly when I was in my 20's. I looked down on older people thinking they knew nothing. I shudder to think how immature and ignorant I was then.

Lots of things that put my life in danger but smaller things, quite linked to what your thread is getting at are:

*Feeling really insecure about the perfectly normal amount of hair on my arms so shaving it off, only for it to grow back fuller and thicker.

*Feeling horrified at having a singular chin hair so using hair removal cream to get rid, only for more to sprout. I now have a pretty embarrassing facial hair problem making me (in a very TINY way) thankful for lockdown and facemasks.

I wish I'd left my body alone. In hindsight both things were really not as bad as I built them up to be and my insecurity has made both "problems" significantly worse.

I nearly joined the Army at 16. My parents convinced me that A levels first would be better. Then University. Then I failed the Medical and married a soldier instead.

Walked out of college one day when I was 16, got a bus to a nearby city, hitched from said city to a road protest site, and within 2 weeks was in a relationship with a 29 yr old heroin addict.

I thought I Knew It All

I wanted to sculpt my ears into elf like points

Yes I had my hair cut short and wanted to be known by a boy's name. I was a tomboy and was often mistaken for being a boy which I loved. I thank god every time I see some genderqueer nonsense that I was born at a more sensible time and had parents who allowed me to be who I was without question.

If I was a child now and had parents who felt pressured to "do the right thing" I could be on the path to seriously fucking my life up.

Sorry, Errol - just to be clear - I am agreeing with you (I think).

Yes, the bar has changed because the world has changed.

I would not expect a young person (age 10 or similar) to be able to make binding decisions re future ability to orgasm or have (or not have) babies.

As for 'causes' - I was a socialist and a feminist. I am still both. I also knew that I loved learning and I am still doing this.

All of the above was against the wishes of adults who thought they knew better.

We have Gillick competence and that's all we need.

That in conjunction with the Kiera Bell ruling re the higher bar on competency for life-changing decisions in circumstances where the youngster is unlikely to truly understand the long term implications.

I think all teenage generations have a 'cause'. I was in the anti-Iraq war protest generation. It distracted us from the near-infectious anorexia of the year before. (Obviously anorexia isn't actually infectious).