How to identify the similar-minded women at work?

Glad to hear it, Outbut. I hope you find a way to feel happier at work, you shouldn't have to put up with being bullied or targeted for standing up for women's rights.

Thank you x

Just don't put anything on Facebook 👀

I have support at home and my GP

Ah, a bit of my post vanished, how odd.

Nobody can steal who you are. Nobody can change who you are. I know the world can feel like a difficult place for women sometimes, but there are ways to navigate it that help make life easier. And there is much to be said for sisterhood and the company of women. Have you friends and family about that you are in touch with?

Outbutnotoutout, this is appalling.

Have you got in touch with your GP or a professional? You don't have to feel like this; you deserve support. MIND or the Samaritans are also available anytime you need someone to talk to. They could point you towards some specialised help for abuse survivors, too.

www.mind.org.uk/

As for your work: A bit hard to know without the full picture, but it sounds to me like your HR dept need to be supporting you with this, too. Nobody should feel hounded, or compelled to mouth certain beliefs and nobody should feel this bad because of attacks from people at work.

Nobody can steal who you are. Nobody can change who you are. I but there are ways to navigate it that help make life easier. And there is much to be said for sisterhood and the company of women. Have you friends and family about that you are in touch with?

outbutnotoutout just sending you support. I was very down a few days ago realising i was going to have to leave ‘my union’. Then a friend said - ‘hang on Heron (well she didn’t say Heron) things are changing, more are waking up to what this all means’. Think she’s right. I just didn’t want to have to go through this yet again attack on hard won women’s’ rights. Forgotten what wave we are in but I’m second wave active feminist. Feels we are taking steps back. Need to gird loins. Support.

I feel so angry and sad.
I just don't know where I belong in this world. I am a woman, but my identity has been stolen.

I am angry for young lesbian girls expected to accept penises into their relationships and beds.

I feel rail roaded to accept men into our safe spaces, I am a rape/sexual abuse survivor, so it makes me worried about the future.

Now this with work

I have visited some dark places in my mind, I can tell you, I even hid some tablets just in case I couldn't take anymore or I lose my job.

I work for adult social services and we freely talk about this and all of the women are on the same page as me. All bar one of the blokes are too, including the two gay team members who are utterly pissed off with being lumped in with trans when it's absolutely nothing to do with them.

The guy who disagrees is an utter dick who we all hate so it makes sense that he'd be super woke.

Team age ranges from early 20s to 60s!

Helen Lewis's Difficult women, a history of feminism in 11 fights would be another great book to leave around. I'm half way through and loving it. Currently on the Marie Stopes chapter and women's lack of knowledge and shame about their genitals and mad research moving the clitoris nearer the vagina. It's a very female centred book.

Do you think that's still likely to apply given how young most of the women are (i.e. mostly in their 20s, no kids etc.)?

I do think it's a flag you should fly. .Given the fame of the Portal Of Radicalisation, I'm certain there will be young women, childless women that have found their way here.

I'd have thought that the combo of a JKR novel, chat about Mumsnet and an artless "does anyone know what we're doing for International Women's Day?" is going to sort the nannies from the ewes.

I post regularly on Facebook about J K Rowling’s books.

“So excited that the new Cormoran Strike book is being released tonight. It reminds me of queuing up at midnight to get the last Harry Potter!”

“It is lockdown and the weather is miserable - perfect day to introduce ds to “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets””

“Ds has stolen Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets! Apparently I read too slow and he wants to read it on his own!”

“Getting through lockdown by comfort re-reading all the Harry Potters”.

Wear A This witch doesnt Burn Tshirt 😀 . I work in a place where you would expect wokestars but the fact is most people arent, especially those with children. I think starting conversations around non female people competing in female sports is a good starting point to guage which side of the land people might lie

Was in a big zoom meeting recently where a woman made an anti gender critical comment in the chat as if it would be supported by everyone, as if it was a given. I immediately commented in chat to the effect that I was sure not everyone agreed with that. I then scrutinised the tiny zoom tiles for any flicker of recognition/agreement. How sad. How have we come to this. How has all the fing hard work our brave committed forbears done come to this. I’m about to leave the Labour Party and a Union I belong to over all of this. Really depressing.

Out yourself as a Mumsnet regular. Just that. Chat to each woman about how helpful AIBU is, or something. Very anodyne to start with.

I bet that within minutes both of you will be eyeing each other with a big "FWR??" speech balloon over your heads, and two minutes after that you'll be swapping poster names.

I don't want to derail your thread, I just needed to let it out quietly

'When bullying is harassment

By law, it's harassment when bullying or unwanted behaviour is about any of the following (known as 'protected characteristics'):

age
disability
gender reassignment
pregnancy and maternity
race
religion or belief
sex
sexual orientation'

Also from ACAS

www.acas.org.uk/if-youre-treated-unfairly-at-work/being-bullied

Outbutnotoutout:

If you feel you are being targeted because of your sex, you may want to check out laws on discrimination. Specifically harassment or victimisation.

ACAS have this to say in their info on sex discrimination:

'Difference between terms ‘sex’ and ‘gender’
‘Sex' is the most commonly used and accepted term to describe whether someone is male or female. In particular, the Equality Act 2010 uses it when referring to discrimination between men and women. ‘Gender’ has purposely not been used in this guide to avoid confusion concerning another protected characteristic, gender reassignment.
Sex and gender also have different meanings regarding transgender identity, with sex referring to biological differences, and gender referring to aspects such as behaviours, image and expectations viewed as masculine or feminine.'

archive.acas.org.uk/media/4563/Sex-discrimination-key-points-for-the-workplace/pdf/Sex_discrim_key_points_workplace_Nov.pdf

Surprisngly nice and clear. Anyway, might be something of use in there. Also worth looking at the second link below, perhaps.

www.acas.org.uk/discrimination-and-the-law/direct-and-indirect-discrimination

www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/contact-us/equality-advisory-and-support-service

Outbutnotoutout
Agreed that you shouldn't comment on the open board but have you got support from anywhere? If not, there are a number of women's organisations who should be able to advise / put you in touch with someone who could give you legal advice?
If it's education try safe schools alliance: safeschoolsallianceuk.net/
Womens Place UK - women trade unionists: womansplaceuk.org/
Transgender Trend: www.transgendertrend.com/
Fair Play for Women: fairplayforwomen.com/

You don't have to be alone with this.

I'm so sorry @Outbutnotoutout . That's awful. I hope it's not upheld.

I am too scared to say, just a few GC comments which were reported.

I know not everyone is into the whole fundraising for charity among work colleagues thing, but maybe you could do it for a charity which is explicitly for women's or girls' issues (or even JK Rowling's charity if you want to be a bit bolder)? It might provide a relatively low-risk way of like-minded people finding you. And even if some wokester stasi wannabe suspects you, what are they going to say - that you shouldn't be raising money for orphans or child brides?

@Outbutnotoutout

That's awful.

There's a fairly popular rainbowy group at my work, handing out lanyards and doing bake sales etc.

Been tempted to take my AHF bag.