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Original poster

Have you ever ... ? (Things women have to deal with, that men don't)

421 replies

EssenceOfDittany · 08/02/2021 23:51

I had a conversation with a naive "be kind" sort of person (male) the other day at work, who casually came out with something about sex being basically irrelevant next to gender identity. I reminded him that the sole reason for women's oppression throughout history is biology, i.e. sex. Thankfully he revised his position pretty quickly and looked like he felt a bit silly for having said it in the first place. (I think he is also blissfully unaware of how controversial such a "belief" is these days, and was only parroting the thing about gender because he'd heard lots of other people say it.)

This got me thinking, I'd like to compile a list of some of the crappy things girls/women have to deal with in their everyday lives that men never/rarely do, so that when someone more set in their opinions says "sex is irrelevant", I can say "really? So, have you ever ... ?"

A few to start us off:

… spent the entire day with a jumper tied around your waste to hide the blood stain on your trousers when your period caught you off-guard?

… left a social gathering earlier than you wanted because you realised you didn’t have enough sanpro to get you through the evening?

… made an excuse to not go swimming when you’d like to, because you realise you haven’t done the requisite bikini/leg/armpit maintenance?

… spent hours painfully removing your pubic hair when you didn’t want to, because an intimate male partner told you it was disgusting and you didn't have the confidence to tell him to sod off?

… endlessly plucked/waxed/obsessed over your upper lip hair because it would be a disaster if someone realised that was your natural state?

… taken the route three times as long, just to avoid going down a short alley alone in the dark?

… clutched your keys between your fingers with the “blade” sticking outwards to make you feel like you might stand a chance if attacked by a man, since you know you’ll have no chance based on strength alone?

… asked a family member to track your location when you’re out alone, and told them exactly where they should expect you to be every step of the journey, so they can raise the alarm if something happens to you?

… felt relieved when your company moved to WFH, because you could finally stop putting on a brave face at your desk while in agony on your period?

… worried about judgement from your colleagues when you say you're “feeling ill” a day or two every month?

... had a constant sick feeling in your stomach when out alone in your local area after dark, because you're afraid of being assaulted/mugged?

Please help me flesh out the list further! I’ve only scratched the surface, and I know there are so many more examples, relating to motherhood, career progression, DV, women’s health, general safety, all sorts. I want to rattle off this list next time someone dares suggest that “sex is irrelevant”.

OP posts:
Coconutfatfeast · 10/02/2021 14:23

Been told by a colleague that I only got good feedback from hard to please clients because I was blonde and wore short skirts (I didn’t).

Being told by another boss that they’d put contraceptive pills in my tea as they didn’t want me going on maternity leave.

This was 5 years ago not the 1970s!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 10/02/2021 13:51

Yesterday DH and I both woke up after a restless night, feeling overheated, maybe a bit dehydrated.
My thoughts were just a normal monthly thing. I regularly feel like that. Due on this week.
He booked himself a Covid test. It's negative. But he gets until Friday off work as he's had a 'fever'.

Anniying · 10/02/2021 13:40

Begged a stranger to pretend they know you as sa man was following you alking for over a2 milew and and mirroring your movements even running when you finally became terrified and started to run. Only to almost pass out from fear asking for help for.hjm to turn up laughing and say it was all a joke he was just having fun, but you genuinely feared for your life as an 18 year old girl. Never walking alone after that even in broad daylight

Onelittlepiglet · 10/02/2021 13:10

The feeling when you get tired that your vagina is about to fall out occasionally after having two heavy babies and two third degree tears. I’m lucky I don’t have incontinence, but sometimes when I get tired or have walked a lot, it really feels like my insides are going to fall out!

Working in ‘media’ have regularly being groped by ‘the talent’ or subjected to disgusting sexual comments or told I was frigid because I didn’t laugh at the jokes.

Having a car stop next to me when I was walking home from school in my uniform at age 14 and asked if ‘I was working’. Luckily he drove off. I didn’t actually know what he meant until I told my mum and she went white and had to explain. She started to pick me up from school for a while after that.

Shadysback · 10/02/2021 13:10

The one that boggled my mind was something I only realised recently, that men's bodies just are. Nothing starts to hurt, or bloats, or bleeds, etc etc, at certain times of the month. It must be lovely to be the same throughout the month, I can't imagine that.

MsTSwift · 10/02/2021 13:05

Absolutely cool. It’s when you reverse a situation the sexism is revealed isn’t it?

prisencolinensinainciusol2 · 10/02/2021 12:54

Reading all these makes me want to cry.

Yes, I'm going to have to hide this thread...

cooldarkroom · 10/02/2021 12:25

My friend gets injections in her vagina (from our lovely female gynie) due to vaginal dryness after menopause. She does it so that her husband is kept gappy, & isnt frustrated & go off with an OW, even though she really isnt interesred in sex anymore
Cant imagine a single man on the planet having multiple injections in his dick for this reason

AuthorsOfForever · 10/02/2021 12:15

Reading all these makes me want to cry. Especially as I have experienced so many myself.

What kind of world have I brought my precious little girl into? I can't bear the thought of her feeling these feelings so many (most?) women have felt in their life times. It's just devastating.

Taybz · 10/02/2021 10:53

Had to keep smiling at work when all I wanted to do was cry because of my painful period.

Throughabushbackwards · 10/02/2021 10:09

Sought refuge in an off-license because a creep was following you home, tailing you closely on two tubes and a bus and getting off at your home stop to follow behind you, leering all the way.

Lovely offie owner ended up sending his son to walk me home BTW.

Maerchentante · 10/02/2021 09:09

Walking on a tube train to see some guys harassing three teenage girls, then getting off the tube with the girls to make sure they are alright even though I would have had another few stops to go.

Liverpool52 · 10/02/2021 03:22

Being asked by a male salesperson at EE if I was spending all my husband's hard earned cash when getting a new phone.

Being asked by a male salesperson in Halford whilst buying a tyre pump for my car if I was going to sit in the car while by boyfriend pumped the flat tyre up. He seemed to have taken offence at the fact that I wouldn't let him upsell me the digital pump rather than the cheaper analogue pump I was buying. Even after I told him I could barely afford the cheaper pump.

grassisjeweled · 10/02/2021 02:05

Asked by his FIL why the cupboard I keep the pans in is such a mess. DH lives here too?

Changethetoner · 10/02/2021 02:01

In a pub with a friend (okay both admittedly underage), receiving offer from two men to "deflower" us.

MisfitRightIn · 10/02/2021 01:37

On holiday with my family in Morocco, Mum, Dad, sisters. A local man asked my Dad if he could buy me in exchange for a camel. I was 14 ffs. Was a family joke for a while, but I never found it funny.

Apileofballyhoo · 10/02/2021 01:37

@IsthisocdOrnormal

Having thirty stitches in my genitals post surgery and being told it shouldn’t be sore, and I was being a bit silly to cry .

Being told I should bite down and force myself to have intercourse because it’s not fair for my partner (I’m a lesbian?!)

Being told that it’s better to try to have surgery without anaesthetic, I can cope for five minutes

Having a graphic description from a male surgeon about he was going to ‘open my legs up wide’ once I was under anaesthesia .

Being told it’s totally normal to be in agony with periods, shaking and vomiting, and that most women just crack on with it

Bei told that it’s normal for boys to try to touch you between the legs on the walk to PE and that I needed to laugh it off more

Being told that girls are just bitches, and it’s normal to struggle to make and maintain friendships (actually autistic)

Being told I can’t be autistic because I’m a girl

And here's another one with the painful sex.

These are so, so awful, isthisOCD.

Apileofballyhoo · 10/02/2021 01:27

@newmumwithquestions

Lots but I’m choosing this one.

Being told by a medical professional to use a numbing cream so you could cope with the pain of having sex with your husband.

I can't find words.
itwillbehormones · 10/02/2021 00:05
  • Having to take another adult with you to the GP at the age of 45 so the GP actually sits up and listens to you and then directs all of the answers above your head to the (male) adult
  • Being the only female in an open plan office and being asked to sign by a delivery driver, who walked past two men. When you are in fact the company owner.
  • walking at night with a rape alarm in your hand ready to use.
newmumwithquestions · 09/02/2021 23:27

Lots but I’m choosing this one.

Being told by a medical professional to use a numbing cream so you could cope with the pain of having sex with your husband.

coastcitybus · 09/02/2021 22:46

Going against a male colleague for a promotion, getting it, and yet have him remain on my team whilst he subtly attempts to undermine me because he's annoyed. I have never been anything other than professional towards him, but he still takes any opportunity to slyly have a dig, albeit in an extremely clever way. If a women behaved like that, she'd be accused of being a bitch that holds a grudge.

My mum, ever the gem that she is, sending me a not insignificant sum of money each week at university so that she had peace of mind that my taxis were paid for. I even used to get a taxi from the shop (a 10 minute walk) when it got dark early in winter.

A PP really resonated with me. She said that she had never been anything less than prepared in a board meeting in case she was seen as dizzy. I have lain awake at night worrying about important meetings and presentations, yet have witnessed a number of male counterparts saunter in on the day, talk uninformed waffle, and do the bare minimum. They get away with it. How?!

Ulelia · 09/02/2021 22:42

As a teacher in a mostly male department- being given every nurture group as 'they need a mum'.
Not then being given top sets as you're 'so good with the less able ones'.
Never then having pay progression or meeting targets because you don't have top sets.

DdraigGoch · 09/02/2021 22:19

@NymphInYellow

When I was 17, a man in his 30s started talking to me on the bus. He moved seats to sit by me (so I was trapped) and was trying to chat me up. I was trying to be polite so I didn't piss him off, but telling him no I'm not interested. I got to my stop and he followed me off the bus. It was broad daylight in the middle of town, but I was petrified he would do something to me. Got to the pub, met my friends, I was shaking and terrified. My male friend said, 'Well you are a very smiley person, you probably led him on.'
This is why it's so appalling that they want to remove guards from trains in order to save money. I lose count of the number of times that I and my colleagues have intervened to stop a man with suspect intentions, often aimed at an underage girl. Late night trains would be a no-go for many women travelling alone if they got rid of guards.
aweegc · 09/02/2021 22:17

Had contraceptive implant Implanon which is inserted under the skin in upper arm. I wanted it removed after months of bleeding. Was told no, keep it in longer. I repeated I wanted it out. Dr repeated the no. Had to say I would cut it out myself if they didn't do it. They did it. Do not believe a man would be told No twice to getting something removed from his own body, especially a foreign medical object that was negatively impacting his sex life.

Being sexually assaulted by a doctor testing me in hospital.

Having my body and attractiveness rated out of 10 and ranked against colleagues' rankings by my then boss and about 20 of his business mates, while I served them tea in their meeting. Was 18 and couldn't do anything other than carry on in shock.

Be worried I'd be raped or assaulted when I had to enter guest rooms in a very large 5* hotel I worked in. I met was during turn down service and the protocol was to knock and if the guests were in to ask if they wanted turndown service. If they said yes, we were to go in (alone), and turn down the bedding..which involved bending over the bed. The doors were weighted so would close behind us.

LOADS of physical sexual assaults. My breasts were basically men's property until I had a breast reduction.

OhDear2200 · 09/02/2021 21:50

Being groped on a night out....not understanding that this was not a compliment until I was in my late twenties because to complain about it was not the done thing.

Heart rate going up when I walk my dog in the country alone and see another lone Walker.