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Original poster

Friends dd has just come out as agender

162 replies

Teenageromance · 05/02/2021 21:08

She is supporting her choices as that is what we do - but how do I support her without compromising that I know it is a lot of nonsense. The dd wants to change her name and use alternative pronouns.

OP posts:
ValancyRedfern · 05/02/2021 21:24

Well I'm 'agender' in that I don't identify with any gender. Could you agree wholeheartedly with the dd that gender is a straitjacket that makes people miserable? (this would also probably have the side-effect of making being Agender much less appealing if the middle aged mums are doing it too)

Mumofgirlswholiketoplaywithmud · 05/02/2021 21:23

I'd be agenda if I was made to pick a gender. Just be supportive and caring as you were before, and talk to her about her interests and personality. They'll continue to be so much more to them than what gender they've stated they are.

Biscuitsanddoombar · 05/02/2021 21:22

Sorry cross post

I assume Pronouns are used when DD isbt present so I’d stick to using she & her and see if your friend says anything

willFOURbagsbeenough · 05/02/2021 21:21

Isn’t agender the same as having no gender?

Biscuitsanddoombar · 05/02/2021 21:21

Just to be clear PP do you mean how do you support your friend about her DD whilst knowing it’s a load of nonsense?

InTheShadowOfTheMushroomCloud · 05/02/2021 21:20

@bitliketonyhares

If you wanted to be supportive, you wouldn't be online calling it a load of nonsense. You're here for strangers to agree it's nonsense, and to validate you. Try researching and educating yourself, if you actually want to show support.
I do love the 'educate yourself' folk...

laojiao anyone?

Original poster
Teenageromance · 05/02/2021 21:19

But would you use the pronouns etc even though you disagree totally with it? I want to support my friend not the daughter. Would happily tell the daughter it’s a lot of nonsense but know we have to tread lightly with teenagers

OP posts:
Defaultname · 05/02/2021 21:19

'Agender' is actually new to me.

Of course it has me thinking of that old gag "He's asexual; a sexual beast"!

I reckon, short of growing up alone on a tropical island, trailing the umbilical-cord as you crawl up the beach, it's impossible to be agender. But perhaps that's my own agenda!

HmmSureJan · 05/02/2021 21:18

What a stress for the immediate family and what an absolute bore for those not directly involved.

PrawnPower · 05/02/2021 21:17

Well I'll validate you- It is nonsense.

Just treat her the same as you used to. Be polite and kind and hope for her sake that she grows out of it. Had she been born earlier she'd be a goth and it would feel like her whole identity was wrapped up that scene. Hopefully this will just be a memory she looks back on and cringes about.

bitliketonyhares · 05/02/2021 21:11

If you wanted to be supportive, you wouldn't be online calling it a load of nonsense. You're here for strangers to agree it's nonsense, and to validate you.
Try researching and educating yourself, if you actually want to show support.

Original poster
Teenageromance · 05/02/2021 21:09

It makes me so sad - kids in lockdown spending too much time being influenced by the internet.

OP posts: