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Original poster

Schools and trans pupils changing their name - who decides?

38 replies

requiredwriting · 28/01/2021 17:41

Hello, this is a personal question but I know that you lot will know.

We have entered into Gender Hell and our daughter is now non-binary. She emailed all her teachers to ask to change her name and pronouns, and they did. Before they told us, or she told us.

For about the last week I have accepted this, and now that the dust has settled, I am furious. What are the guidelines on this, does anyone know? I've looked and I can't find any at all. I need to know before I set their collective arses on fire.

For obvious reasons I have name changed, but have been around here before, on and off.

OP posts:
TalkingtoLangClegintheDark · 28/01/2021 19:08

Quote the guidance to them that came out from the DfE last October:

You should work together with parents on any decisions regarding your school’s treatment of their child, in line with the school’s safeguarding policy and the statutory guidance on working together to safeguard children.

Doesn’t seem like they’ve worked together with you, does it?

Link to the appropriate page on Transgender Trend:

www.transgendertrend.com/department-for-education-rse-guidance-schools/

fakenina · 28/01/2021 18:09

The school cant change her entry on their MIS system (database) untill she has a medical diagnosis.
I think they can agree to call her whatever she requests but you would think without any indication that there are problems at home they would contact you?
I would request a meeting with the head, go armed with info on the Bell ruling.

Beamur · 28/01/2021 18:05

I think I would also ask the school what guidelines they are following. Some trans toolkits for schools have been withdrawn. If your school is using information produced by the same organisations it may not be following best practice without knowing it.
Oxfordshire hit the news but other local authorities have followed suit.

gardenbird48 · 28/01/2021 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NancyDrawed · 28/01/2021 17:57

Safe Schools Alliance might have something on this? If not, there might be someone there who can point you in the right direction

safeschoolsallianceuk.net/

EyesOpening · 28/01/2021 17:50

I don’t know if this means officially or not but it doesn’t specify that so you could argue that this situation counts too

Parental rights and responsibilities

naming the child and agreeing to any change of name

www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities

Original poster
requiredwriting · 28/01/2021 17:50

@TeaAndHobnob What about pronouns, would you change that as well?

I am not saying it is wrong at all, just trying to get my head round what has happened.

OP posts:
WootMoggie · 28/01/2021 17:50

The advice given in the controversial “Schools Packs” from trans organisations is that schools should not tell parents if the child does not want them to, because being trans in itself “is not a safeguarding issues” (oh yes it f.w. is!!!)

Of course, this is just random advice from random people but that doesn’t seem to bother some schools.

Original poster
requiredwriting · 28/01/2021 17:49

School are sufficiently embarrassed to have sent us a timeline of how it happened, and also to say that it is very much something that could only have happened because of lockdown and being online. However, I want it rolled back for a bit because I want to get proper advice on what is the right thing to do. And because they have taken all our influence and decision making away.

@bonbonours It's shit, isn't it. How old is your daughter?

OP posts:
TeaAndHobnob · 28/01/2021 17:47

Legal name or preferred name?

We would not make a change to a legal name on our systems without proof - deed poll, birth cert, passport etc and I can't believe any school would.

Preferred name is something that can be changed on the child's say so, it's their name after all and they should be able to say they would like to be known as X. Preferred name does appear on lesson reg/reports home etc

Endogal · 28/01/2021 17:47

I am not sure if it works the same in every school but I know in mine like pp said if can't be changed offically on the register without parents permission, but in contrast we are expected to respect the wishes of the child in terms of calling them their preferred name even if it is not on the register

Toocold · 28/01/2021 17:47

I think the school is very much in the wrong here but I don’t know the guidelines and if it changes from school to school, try Transgender Trend for information from other parents going through the same.

bonbonours · 28/01/2021 17:44

I don't know about guidelines but our secondary school rang me when did did the same, and said it either had to be officially changed in the register with parent's permission or not at all. At the time we managed to persuade her not to insist on it being changed.

Hand hold for you, we are struggling with this too.