How do I deal with traditional inlaws?

The fact that they live in the same town means that you will be their unpaid carer, unless your husband puts his foot down and genuinely takes on an equal role in terms of home life. Once you have children, he can make it hard for you to work (I am the breadwinner, you need to do all the childcare - you see it on here all the time), then as soon as you scale down your work, you will magically have your time volunteered to do unpaid errands for them and they will be allowed to control you. Sad, but true!

Leave now, please don't get married. Imagine how they will impact your future kids?!

No no no. Their expectations are fine -that's them. But if your DH isn't getting involved this is a massive red flag. Even if you take him at face value that he hadn't noticed all this rubbish, you've now pointed it out. The fact that he isn't still leaping in to tell them they're wrong is a very very worrying thing. I'm not saying cancel the wedding, but I AM saying that you need to be thinking very carefully about this and having some very serious conversations with your DH.

And I speak as someone who, thankfully, had a DH who DID step in with his parents. His mother, who actually I get on quite well with, but she had been very very involved in her other DIL's life and acted practically as full time carer to her older grandchildren. While she was older and therefore less physically able to do the same with us, it only took about 10 seconds after DS was born for me to realise she was expecting to be have, at the minimum, 1/3 of childcare decision making. It took 11 seconds after DS' birth for DH to make it very very clear that in fact it was 90% me, 10% him and she didn't get a say at all.

1. Has he told them clearly that you will not be doing what they want?
2. Have they told you that they intend to move in with you? Have they been told a clear no?

There are some major red flags here, as others have rightly spotted he is not standing up to them. Whatever you do, do not give up your financial independence or your job - you will be trapped. He needs to understand that if they move in or try to impose this bullshit on you, you will be gone.

Yeah, it's time for him to say something, just to put down a marker to his parents that really you have a different type of partnership. If he won't do this for you now, then he sure as hell won't do it after marriage. It doesn't have to be confrontational or out of the blue, just that when they say things to you, he says "thanks mum/dad, but that's not really our thing. I'm really proud of x's work/business and I'd like her to be able to continue it". Job done. If he won't graciously and kindly (but firmly!) stick up for you, then I wouldn't marry him.

Maybe you could test the waters by telling him that you are unwilling to see them anymore. See how he reacts to bring forced to address this.
They might toe the line if they see that access to any future grandchildren depends upon them not alienating you

Did they move there before you met or after you got together?

Even worse that they live nearby.
They will suffocate you.

I wouldn't marry him. At best he's weak. Think about them undermining you to your children, him wanting to take them to his home country frequently and what they will say and do. If you split up, they will pressure him to take the kids abroad. People who don't respect you won't willingly return your children if they think you are raising them wrong and he doesn't have enough about him to defend you now, he's not going to improve down the line! I can see you ending up trapped.

Are his family Indian?

Yeah, just watch his parents be moved in after marriage and you forced to stop working, and him never lift a finger again.

If the in laws live in a different country and you only visit you occasionally, what does it really matter what they think if your reality and day to day lives don't reflect their expectations?

If you're both happy, I would either ignore, nod politely or gently tell them you've chosen to do things differently if they mention it, and carry on the way you are. For a few weeks a year (or whatever) I really wouldn't worry too much about it.

He has known this expectation all along.
I don't think you can trust him tbh.
Unless he's willing to be very very clear with his parents right now, I think I would bet money on him not sticking to this at all. You will be gradually pressurised over time.
Trouble ahead.

It is a huge issue that your DP is not standing up for you and correcting his parents. t speaks volumes, as others have said, there is every chance it is because he does agree with them.

My PIL (though UK heritage) were very traditional, the other DILs got married early 20's, babies soon after, SAHM etc. They tried to tell me that I should do this too, but the difference is that DH would tell them just as clearly as me that our life was going to be very different, and has continued to do so for the 23 years we've been married.

What would wave big red flags to me is that your fiance isn't telling them clearly that you and he have not agreed the relationship model they are thinking of

Oh I see things changing very much for you after marriage and children. Tread carefully OP

So, you go and see them on a visit and they say 'well, you should be waiting on Jon hand and foot and why should he run his own bath and don't expect him to ever look after his own child' and you say 'that's not the way it is stop saying that' and your fiancé says nothing at all?

Offend away. They don't care about offending you. Personally I'd run a mile.

Well that is his family background and culture, but you also have your own family background and culture. You should not change yourself in any way. He wants to marry you because he fell in love with you. Do not start diluting yourself and your self worth, you will lose your self worth and he WILL lose respect and start thinking he can have everything his own way. Give an inch.............

I spoke with him many times and asked if things will change once we're married and he assures me it won't.

Sorry, but I've already seen multiple women this week describing men who played the long game of pretending to be about equal partnership until the woman was trapped by marriage or a baby - and then as soon as he was confident she couldn't leave he stopped pulling his weight, treated her like his personal servant and obstructed her attempts to continue working or living her own life.

They don't tell you in advance because you'd leave.

So you have to pay attention to actions.

I agree he knows, funnily enough I bet if it was him that had all these expectations awaiting him he wouldn't be sticking his head in the sand. Wonder why.

You will be posting on here in a few years about how your in laws treat you like shit and your husband does nothing about it
If he hasn’t got your back now he never will. Don’t marry him

I also don't buy that he didn't know.

I think you will live to regret continuing this.

He is showing he will expect you to comply.