De facto relationships

Gah, Women should NOT passively wait on men marrying them,they shouldn’t give men that power over them

Women should passively wait on men marrying them,they shouldn’t give men that power over them
Other thread she initially didn’t want to marry ,changed her mind and has spent years hoping he’d marry her

Are you married?

There should be more education on this at school and perhaps a handy list of responses every time a man says “it’s just a bit of paper”

If people want the protection of marriage, then get married.

Abd yes agree with PP, wedding industry has a lot to answer for!

It’s by stealth if it’s not an active choice and becomes conferred after 2 years

When I lived in Iceland dp and I had something called a "cohabitation agreement" which was pretty common. You had to have been living together for 2 years without children, or for any length of time with children to qualify. It gives the couple a reduction in their tax rate, and confers a few rights and responsibilities. I can't remember all of them as it was a long time ago but I know that dp was legally obligated to support me financially while I was out of work, and that I would have been entitled to stay in our (rented) house if we split up even if my name wasn't on the tenancy. There was more to it than that but I can't remember it all. It didn't entitle either of us to any assets or anything like that. You had to sign some papers and get them witnessed when you first signed up, but thereafter it was just a case of ticking the "renew" box on your annual tax documents. There was no ceremony or expectation of a ceremony, it wasn't seen as a big deal, it just gave a few basic protections to the non earning partner with the added bonus of less tax. Obviously for the case of long relationships where the woman has contributed significantly to the man's assets and income but is entitled to nothing it doesn't help much, but it would protect women from being made homeless and penniless at the whim of their partner, especially with a child in the picture. I don't think that common law marriage is the answer for the reasons already laid out, but something like being "registered cohabiting" might be a workable middle ground.

I'm a broken record on this subject. The wedding industry has a lot to answer for. People put off getting married until they can afford a big wedding. They move in together and have children first, and where they can afford it they buy a house together first too. Sadly, something often goes wrong (which could be one partner's death or serious illness, not just the relationship going sour) before they've got the money together for the Big Day, and that can leave one party at a serious disadvantage financially - usually the woman. Marriage makes the legal standing of the relationship clear and there are some state benefits/allowances that you only get if you're married. Plus, if you're married, the widow/er is the one who makes decisions about life support, funeral arrangements and so on, not the deceased partner's parents/siblings.

One of the few good things to come out of lockdown is that big weddings have largely not been able to go ahead and many couples are re-thinking whether they really need one. Huge financial savings and maybe they'll do the legal stuff earlier on as a result.

The feminist issue is women should avail themselves of information so they should NOT be entered into marriage by stealth

The feminist issue is women should avail themselves of information to they should be entered into marriage by stealth
If you chose cohabitation understand the pro and cons of it

I need to say common law wife isn’t a thing in Scotland
Take a look this website useful summary

If you’re basing your musings on posts from here, what about the women, often single mums, who find themselves saddled with a useless cocklodger who moved in by stealth, doesn’t pay his way, eats, drinks and uses utilities while choosing not to work and the only saving grace is she can kick him out when she sees the light and isn’t obliged to give up half hers and her children’s house in the process? Two years isn’t long. People often find themselves in these shit situations in the wake of a previous abusive relationship and don’t realise what’s happening till they’ve already given too much.

De facto marriage is a bollocks idea and would prevent couples living together where there is financial disparity and no kids - I'm buying a house this year and my DP has no means to do so. If he moved in with me in my house I would not expect to have to hand over a portion of my property if we split. I'd rather he paid no rent and I keep my own asset. Why should our relationship become de facto marriage if we don't choose to get married??
Kids are a different matter but even so I firmly believe women should insist on marriage before cohabiting with children if they are likely to be financially vulnerable. You still can't impose marriage on people who haven't agreed to get married.

I knew of a couple of blokes in Oz who had to more or less kick their live-in girlfriends out as the girls were refusing to leave, but they'd been in (his) house for 1 year 11 months.

Due to circumstances I moved in with my partner after knowing each other 6 months, but I set up a DD to his account, called 'rent' so he knew I wouldn't be trying to screw him over as I was his 'lodger'!

Yes, it ended well, 23 years married. 😊

I absolutely don’t agree with this if you want rights of being married have a cp or get married
Cohabitation shouldn’t be blended same as into being married
Not all women want or need to be married, and don’t need it by stealth

@PlantMam "tethered to a dickhead for two decades" really made me laugh for some reason!

Ultimately marriage IS a legal contract, it’s the piece of paper (signed by the two of you, and two witnesses) that is the important bit. Weddings are really just a bit of theatre to make the paperwork less boring and a party to celebrate that signing of the legal contract has occurred.

Should there be a similar legal contract formed between two people who haven’t deliberately, willingly and knowingly entered into it?

No, I don’t think so.

I agree that it’s a feminist issue, but perhaps better solved by consciousness raising (especially for older girls and young women).

I had a baby completely on my own, it was a decision I made at the time and in hindsight, the right one. I had no financial support but I wasn’t tethered to a dickhead for two decades.

I had a second with the intent of raising the child as a partnership with the father and knew enough by that point to realise that the different circumstances required a different approach - the legal contract of marriage.

Cohabiting and having children with a partner without marriage is rarely the better option for women - if the woman had lots of assets prior to beginning the relationship and intended to take only the minimum of maternity leave, it might be different but the reality for the vast majority of women is that having children affects your ongoing earning potential, either due to practical reasons (choosing to be home more, being the ‘on call’ parent for emergency pick ups etc) or due to prejudicial reasons (being overlooked for promotion or rejected at interviews because you are perceived to be less committed to the work because you are a mother).

As a previous poster has noted, for couples who meet later in life and couples who intend to be child free, the lack of a legal contact can be beneficial.

The legal and romantic sides of marriage need seperating.

I love my husband. The weddig day was great. But the legal part was far more important (especially I DHs line of work). It's the main reason we married so young.

in the UK you can live with someone for 20 years and it means nothing!

It means that you have chosen to not pool financial assets with someone else. In the UK there is that choice. You can marry/be in a civil partnership or ... not.

Marriage / civil partnership protects the financially weaker party.

This was a major topic when I was in college in the '70s. I do not understand why the message still has hot got out to everyone.

Marriage needs to stop being demonised.

And proposals and weddings lauded. Wrong way round. And we need to stop telling women it's an achievement and men it's something to fear (the mortality statistics would say the opposite).

I think the problem is that society now sees marriage as 'a piece of paper' and women are still shamed if they dare ask a man to marry.

Women need educating on what marriage actually means and the legal benefits you gain if you leave work to have children.

Marriage needs to stop being demonised.

Marriage as it is in the UK gives people a choice. If you want the rights, protections and obligations of marriage then get married.