Women's hour right now - on transitioning husband?

AH has tranches of literature on disappointment when failing, challenges in becoming one, and then finally being a mum, hasn't she? All the stuff about when her baby was born and she was eager to begin the 'mothering'. Now she's telling us she thinks it is just another word. Now special meaning to her.

When I was still very woke I remember watching an interview with a couple where the wife stayed with her transitioned husband. The mtf partner was going on about how they are a lesbian couple now and she (wife) pointed out she still identifies as straight, not a lesbian.

At the time (being woke) I thought this was odd. Shouldn’t she at least consider herself bi now that she’s “married to a woman”?

Having been through it myself now it’s so glaringly obvious - nothing substantive has changed. She’s still married to a male human thus she’s still straight. It’s up to the trans partner then to decide if a lack of “validation” in favor of reality is worth the marriage. I don’t know how much I’d want to be in a relationship where I know my partner was lying daily to help preserve my feelings, though either.

If mum is "just another word" I'm sure her former husband wont mind if they are not allowed to use it

Well I just listened. Lot of justification. A complete lack of any kind of real confidence behind her words. To my mind she sounded scared but also keen to sell her book. Hopefully one day she will come out the other side. All the stuff about Mum just being another word with no meaning - from a writer. If she really believes that then she is very lost.

I think it's Shannon Thrace?

Did "Sharon Thrace", who had a trans widow blog, ever write her book?

I like AH's writing & share her love of swimming, indeed I subscribe to her newsletter, but she would slap my position on women's rights straight in the 'anti-trans' bucket.
It's funny how very similar people can differ so hugely on what they find important. I was surprised at how quickly she abandoned & rejected JKR.

I also wonder if the fear is actually fear of having cognitive dissonance ruffled.

I imagine it's at least part of it. That's why many trans allies get so angry at nonbelievers.

I also wonder if the fear is actually fear of having cognitive dissonance ruffled.

It's heartening to see that in general there is more understanding of issues facing trans widows at the grass roots level, but depressing that still only one side is being told in the media.

If you want to make any money out of all this (which I very much don't), you have to toe the gender ideology line.

I can't condemn other trans widows for finding a different way through this, although a lack of sisterhood is disappointing. The TWV door is always ajar and my feminism is for all of them, even the ones who block me on Twitter!

I'd suggest considering this author's output along side this by Dr Em

uncommongroundmedia.com/domestic-abuse-related-to-late-transitioning-partners-part-i-coercive-control/

And considering the extra layers of coercive control that are enforced by woke society.

In the context of the situation, I wonder if the fear is to do with having to think about things too hard to deal with, or with the reaction of an already challenging partner.

What I thought was odd was that she seemed genuinely frightened of the tide of 'anti-trans sentiment'
Well seeing as she interprets JKR saying "I want trans women to be safe" as being virulently anti-trans, I would say that maybe she interprets everything that falls short of enthusiastic approval as being menacing.

I suspect negative attitudes (for that’s what is more likely) is her ex partners behaviour, at the time it happened and their behaviour. Yes live your life, be you etc but don’t hurt others.

What I thought was odd was that she seemed genuinely frightened of the tide of 'anti-trans sentiment' she and her partner would encounter - and she lives in Brighton! I think you would have to look pretty hard for any anti-trans sentiment there.

In gay families where both parents are the same sex I've always known the children have their own name for each parent, so one is daddy and one is da or one is mummy and one is mama. I've never known the children to be expected to have the same name for both parents.

Its one thing to no longer want to be called daddy and to negotiate with your children on finding what they may call you instead. It's quite another to try and commandeer and appropriate your children's name for their mother. Taking names is not a small thing, and as the quote above, it is changing and removing parts of identity. It's messing with your children as much as your partner, it shows so little respect, or care or awareness of them and their needs.

And as parents know with grandparent names - (looking at my MiL) you may have planned since early pregnancy what you intend for a child to call you that you will just melt to hear their little voices say ..... the children however may develop a totally different name for you, and there will not be much you can do about it, because language and the concepts of language belong to the speaker.

She wrote a book because she is a writer. I remember how vulnerable it feels when you have young kids. You need to parent and you need to provide. So if the way she earns money is to write that's what she does. I haven't listened to the interview yet. I will. I've read her other books "Running like a Girl" and "Dive In" (or something like that). I am interested to hear her speak. I also think from the tone of her interview in the guardian and the story of what has happened that she will be traumatised by events.

I feel for the child and also for the mother, trapped in 'woke' Brighton & trying to co-parent amicably. Still not sure why she had to write a book about it.

I've been mulling it over.

If you have a trans husband/wife & you have children then surely their title should amalgamate both their roles?
If you are a father that becomes a trans woman, Daddy + Mummy = Maddy.
If you are a mother that becomes a trans man, Mummy + Daddy = Dummy.
Sorted.

As an example:

www.theargus.co.uk/news/17255829.dorothy-stringer-school-40-children-dont-identify-gender/

Yes - and it seems to affect everything. Brighton was also where a female patient was banded as transphobic for asking for a female to carry out her mammogram, for instance.

It's the city of Woke/Trans, BigBird.

Join Damian and Alex, author of 'Running Like A Girl' and 'Leap In', in conversation on Instagram Live at 8pm on Thursday

So Damian is now totally rehabilitated and is allowed to champion trans rights despite his tweets? Seems perfectly fair...