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Surrogate mother nearly dies but is on her 7th aged 40

46 replies

OhHolyJesus · 03/01/2021 10:03

The comments seem mostly critical which is reassuring as the article is very biased.

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www.thetimes.co.uk/article/i-love-giving-birth-this-is-my-seventh-surrogate-baby-xqfgzjwvz

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MichelleofzeResistance · 08/01/2021 11:35

The book Small Sacrifices by journalist Ann Rule looks at the criminal case and the psychology of Diane Downs.

Downs is not representative of any group at all, but this makes interesting reading as she had at least one full surrogate pregnancy and attempted to apply for another while the situation escalated at home with her own children, and there's discussion and insights by the writer that I haven't seen anywhere else into what possibly could have been addictive about the experience, or what needs it may have been meeting.

Original poster
OhHolyJesus · 08/01/2021 09:26

This article from the Daily Mail provides more detail on Parlow's background and some of the surrogate births.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9122633/Surrogate-preparing-birth-SEVENTH-child-13-rounds-IVF-vows-last.html

Her partner had two children through sperm donation after they got together and she has two children from a previous relationship and when she nearly died from her 5th surrogacy pregnancy (7th pregnancy overall?) the surgeon said she was lucky to not to have had a full hysterectomy.

It also says she is campaigning for the law to change but nothing more to explain how, only the why, she once had to email a hospital to give parental consent to one of her surrogate babies having a tongue tie procedure. It doesn't really sound like too much responsibility to me, considering that she had carried the baby and that she isn't breastfeeding or caring for the babies she gives birth to. An email granting consent to a medical procedure isn't an arduous task. You would spend more time having a phone call with the commissioning parents over the general health of the child.

It's also ironic that in sentence that follows that she is not being paid it says she is being paid £15k in 'expenses'.

She sounds lucky to be alive and not to have left her partner and 4 kids. If the 13 rounds of IVF has any long term impacts the NHS will be there to help her thank goodness.

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HecatesCats · 05/01/2021 11:45

@GeorgiaGirl52

It's disgraceful. Responsible professional dog breeders never breed a dog more than four times -- starting at 2 years old and every other year until she is 8. Then she is spayed and kept or placed as a pet. Surely women who are professional breeding stock should get treated as well as a dog!?
Well quite Georgia.

The problem starts and ends here:

women who are professional breeding stock

Original poster
OhHolyJesus · 05/01/2021 10:04

I wonder if there are some concerned IVF doctors or nurses who, like with other oversights or scandals in health, would raise their head above the parapet and whistle blow if they had protection of anonymity.

If you have ex midwives in private clinics seeing the same faces appear regularly for implantation or if there was a national register with red flags for or on serial 'repeat customers' who had multiple surrogate pregnancies maybe stronger advice could be presented and doctors could refuse more easily, for fear of being sued.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist but I don't trust the clinics to put the best interest of the patient at the heart of what they do as that place is occupied by cold hard cash under the pretence of 'helping' the infertile couple who also don't have the best interested of the surrogate mother at their heart. They just want the baby.

This woman says she does it willingly but she sounds like she needs some therapy to me, someone should be exploring with her, her need (obsession?) to be pregnant/give birth. The way she talks about pain has an element of self harm to it somehow.

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FannyCann · 05/01/2021 09:48

Yes GeorgiaGirl52
The kennel club won't register more than one litter a year from the same dog. Yet this woman was impregnated just six months after her previous birth.

Disgraceful. The HFEA clearly don't do a good enough job regulating fertility clinics.

FannyCann · 05/01/2021 09:45

Thanks Ozgirl75
I'm well out of date and always happy to be corrected!

GeorgiaGirl52 · 05/01/2021 09:37

It's disgraceful.
Responsible professional dog breeders never breed a dog more than four times -- starting at 2 years old and every other year until she is 8. Then she is spayed and kept or placed as a pet. Surely women who are professional breeding stock should get treated as well as a dog!?

Ozgirl75 · 05/01/2021 09:29

@FannyCann yes that’s correct.
So say a woman has a 30% chance of getting diabetes in the future. She may not know this. Having a pregnancy puts the body under strain and she develops GD. Her risk of diabetes is still 30%.
If, however she then puts on weight and doesn’t lose it, her risk may increase to 40%, but it isn’t having the GD itself that causes the increased risk, it’s just the extra weight.

Ozgirl75 · 05/01/2021 09:26

Actually, her risk may increase if she puts on more weight during each pregnancy, but the action of having GD doesn’t increase her latent risk of future diabetes, although being pregnant (and the weight gain sometimes associated with this) could increase the risk.

FannyCann · 05/01/2021 09:25

Oh, sorry, just i got interrupted and hadn't read Ozgirl75 properly. So the predisposition is there before the pregnancy?

We don't know if she has had LSCS for any of her births, but she's certainly at risk of having one for various reasons. The GD if not well controlled may lead to large for gestational age baby and all the problems associated with that as well as other issues.

Ozgirl75 · 05/01/2021 09:25

@OhHolyJesus no, no long term effects.
@FannyCann it’s correct to say that those who have GD are predisposed to diabetes, but sometimes that can be read that their risk of diabetes is raised by having the GD, but it isn’t. The risk is the same whether you have had the GD or not.

FannyCann · 05/01/2021 09:21

Gestational diabetes definitely predisposes future diabetes and sometimes it doesn't go. I suspect that might be weight related but I can't say I'm up with the latest research. This is the second time she's had it according to the article.

Original poster
OhHolyJesus · 05/01/2021 09:15

Ozgirl75 does having GD once or more than once have any long term effects? I don't know anything about it. Will look it up. I'm guessing it goes once you give birth and your hormones return to normal...?

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Original poster
OhHolyJesus · 05/01/2021 09:14

Maybe they should commission a piece from Elizabeth Purslow, one of the commenters - she seems very knowledgeable and clear.

Maybe they should Errol! I have to agree with you, I think whoever she, is she would do a better job than Emily Dugan!

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Ozgirl75 · 05/01/2021 09:03

Agree with what’s been said here, but I just want to correct one medical point. Having GD doesn’t make it more likely that you will have diabetes in the future. The risk was already there, but the pregnancy puts the body under strain, which manifests as GD. The woman would have the same risk of diabetes whether she had 7 babies or no babies, it’s just that now she’s had GD she knows about that risk.
But that’s not taking away from the fact that pregnancies with GD need to be very closely monitored and the pregnant woman needs to take extremely good care of herself.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/01/2021 08:17

@OhHolyJesus

Maybe we need to balance out the article with comments, though most seem quite reasonable so far.

I'm going to complain to the Times tomorrow. They really should balance it with the other view.

Maybe they should commission a piece from Elizabeth Purslow, one of the commenters - she seems very knowledgeable and clear.
ErrolTheDragon · 05/01/2021 08:08

Wouldn't the best way of reducing the time taken for transfer of parental responsibility be for there to be a rigorous approval system upfront?

Delphinium20 · 04/01/2021 18:40

I can't get over the idea of the health risks - both to the surrogate mother and the fetus.

FannyCann · 03/01/2021 20:47

Lots of great comments OP.
C.Tipps is good.

Surrogate mother nearly dies but is on her 7th aged 40
Surrogate mother nearly dies but is on her 7th aged 40
Original poster
OhHolyJesus · 03/01/2021 15:40

Maybe we need to balance out the article with comments, though most seem quite reasonable so far.

I'm going to complain to the Times tomorrow. They really should balance it with the other view.

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HecatesCats · 03/01/2021 15:36

Sorry in the introduction not the headline! It's different to the thread.

HecatesCats · 03/01/2021 15:35

You're right FannyCann - there are no specific limits in the guidelines. They include points about counselling and consent, which you would hope would address worries about the health of surrogates who have had repeated births (but who knows, given the well known cases). I get very frustrated with articles on this subject that don't address the obvious pitfalls and ethical issues around using women's bodies in this way, especially after they've highlighted how bloody dangerous it can be in the headline!

FannyCann · 03/01/2021 15:30

There are DoH guidelines for care in surrogacy, but no limits enshrined in law. I don't know how strictly they are adhered to in all cases

I may have missed it but I can't see any recommendations there regarding the maximum number of surrogate pregnancies a woman should have.

In any case, clearly the well being of the mother is widely ignored. Jill Hawkins has had ten surrogate babies, and Carole Horlick has had thirteen surrogate babies. This woman is on her seventh, to the obvious detriment of her health.

I am against all surrogacy, but at the very least, if new laws are passed, I believe it should be a maximum of two (to allow for a sibling). Women need to be protected, sometimes from themselves.

Original poster
OhHolyJesus · 03/01/2021 15:25

@AnneTwackie

I'm another one who found the Berensiner column painfully irritating for reasons everything makes clear.

Sophie also had several egg donors (once I started reading I went back online to read her past columns and the entitlement and selfishness and disinterest in the women helping her was brazen, I found the language dehumanising and very self-centred. She even went to Russia as she has connections there) as well as several surrogates and each time when something fell through it was 'poor me' and often related back to her bad luck with getting cancer, like "when will I be lucky?". TBH I think when you are so deep into yourself it's difficult to put any of it into perspective.

Since the baby has been born I really didn't like the small section given to Rebecca, the surrogate mother, who wrote about her experience and how Sophie goes on about her 'journey' being different and how her NCT friends treat her the same. I'm sure the new mothers she hangs out with, who have had c sections, epidurals and episiotomies, curb their language around for her fear she will be reminded how she didn't give birth.

Incidentally Jake and Hannah Graf posted on Instagram about getting the parental order for Millie but minus the fanfare as family and friends were absent and it was all down online. It's very much about the adults, though they do mention their surrogate Laura (who will be having another baby for them and that will be her fourth pregnancy abs she has two of her own).

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JellySlice · 03/01/2021 15:22

I wonder whether the prospective adopters know that their gestational carrier has GD, probably anaemia and increased risk of birthing complications? Why would they commission a potentially sub-standard infant? Are some gestational carriers cheaper than others - have they saved themselves some money in this way? Or are they unaware and could they therefore sue the surrogacy agency once they have taken delivery of the commissioned infant and assessed it?

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