From now on, I was in an LGBTQ+ family’: my husband came out as trans while I was on maternity leave

I’m not a transwidow myself, but I can guarantee (through first hand experience) that there is a fuck of a lot of life to live beyond marriage.

Hope you and your sons had a great Xmas/holiday period - you are all they need, I promise you.

❤️

My DS14 came out as bisexual recently simply because his girlfriend became transgender. He'd had no previous same sex attraction, but had to relabel himself to fit into their new reality.

Story of our times, sadly. Labels are pointless because they no longer indicate anything about the contents.

This memoir is going to change a lot of people's lives, and I think it's going to change the conversation: Damian Barr ― Big Scottish Book Club

I wonder how much involvement Barr had? Friend of AH and the man who led the campaign to have the Baroness removed as VP of the Booker Prize for alleged "homophobia" (although it's much more likely that he took against the Baroness because of her views on. Gender ideology). It transpires he has said transphobic things in the past:

www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-53276425

After all, my openness, my concern for D, and my lack of judgment about the multitude of ways a person can identify had created the space in which D had finally been able to speak the truth about herself. Sure, it had come at the expense of my marriage; but it was becoming clear that this spirit of openness was the only viable means of survival for the long-term health of this little family

"Spirt of openess" just means "being forced to accept the new situation without a choice in the matter". She sacrificed everything just so the husband could feel happy? Isn't that just the way women have lived though for all time, putting our own happiness and healthy mind aside for the sake of men and what the man wants, what will make HIM feel happy? I mean, we're used to it, shame he couldn't have grasped that and instead of subjecting HER to months of mind torture wondering why had her husband been crying whilst she'd been out, why had he started to not make eye contact etc, he could've perhaps sacrificed himself for his little family. But no. Of course not.

Cannot stop laughing @ Bellend Curve

My DS14 came out as bisexual recently simply because his girlfriend became transgender. He'd had no previous same sex attraction, but had to relabel himself to fit into their new reality.

The way she has chosen is getting her lots of strokes, approval and friendship of the #bekind crowd. I can't wait to see all the writers I know who are well down the rabbit hole falling over themselves to endorse the book...sigh.

The way she has chosen also keeps her ex on board and therefore maintain a family-unit. I get that.

But does she actually believe her husband now has a pretty little lady-brain just like her, (and not like other men) or is it that she daren't let herself think anything else?

the Bellend Curve.

Her writing comes across as her mulling over s
ideas and grasping for those which justify what has happened so she can still love her husband.

She isn't ready to move in from the relationship and certainly isn't ready to write a book on accepting a trans man.

What her partner has done is horrific. She struggled for years to have a baby and just as he enters the world he eclipses the sun with his 'big realization'. What a fucking selfish arsehole.

she's suggesting that all the statistics wirh regard to women's achievements in sports (about which she's written a book), their representation in parliament, their incomes, etc. can be beefed up by tweeking the definition of 'women' to include men. It's a sort of shifting of the Bellend Curve.

Nothing new about cognitive dissonance

No, I agree.

I feel sorry for this woman as I would for anyone in her position but I'm exasperated by her throwing other women under the bus to cling on to her self-destructive gender beliefs and preserve her cognitive dissonance.

"He just gets under my feet if he isn't playing golf".

"Really I'm choosing not to spend my time at the pub - we both get to do what we want to do and I really like housework"

"Oh I don't mind - I'm happy at home with the children - I know I'm more important than those other women".

Nothing new about cognitive dissonance.

Bell* curve Lol!

I can never change the anti-trans sentiment that some cling to

How about you worry about your own unhealthy "sentiments", love. No need to concern yourself with other people's beliefs.

I feel sorry for this woman as I would for anyone in her position but I'm exasperated by her throwing other women under the bus to cling on to her self-destructive gender beliefs and preserve her cognitive dissonance.

I wonder if she has any GC friends who have taken her to one side, given her a big hug and said, “you know you don’t have to go along with all this shit, right?”

Having a look on her bird feed, I suspect she has quite a few prominent trans friends. And is quite firm with any suggestion from anyone she considers anti trans.

I suspect she has a great deal invested in this in all aspects of the word. She very much knows the repercussions of stepping out of line, if she even wanted to.

"and a transman is trying to police AH's telling of her story."

AH's experience - that she chose to marry a man - must be suppressed.

Ironically the only thing that mitigates her ex's actions at all is the suggestion of confusion. Take away confusion and you are left only with narcissism and deceit.

Look at the conversation AH is having to have re: the use of the word “husband” in the article’s title/headline

Oh FFS! This is Ms Heminsley's story - her story, and a transman is trying to police AH's telling of her story.

Unbelievable.

Poor woman. I really think she needs to cut loose and put her own needs first for a change. She should move out of the wokerati capital of Brighton - perhaps to a smaller town north in Sussex, so she can still access some friends and presumably allow child contact for her ex-partner, but somewhere which will allow her to recover her own life and perhaps form new relationships.
I wonder if she has any GC friends who have taken her to one side, given her a big hug and said, “you know you don’t have to go along with all this shit, right?”

It just reads as though she is desperately trying to keep things together, as many women do, for the sake of her child.

It is also clear from social media that amongst her friends are numerous vocal trans advocates and that she would also face being very out of kilter with her group if she were to be too critical of or reject her partner as a 'woman'. As you say and to paraphrase Arabella she's doing what she can to raise a small child and not fall apart. I think setting herself against the prevailing views of her social group would compound any loneliness and isolation. It's probably easier to believe and fully embrace the woo woo and make that the starting point for the LGBTQ+ family, which I suppose feels more empowering than admitting you've been treated appallingly.