From now on, I was in an LGBTQ+ family’: my husband came out as trans while I was on maternity leave

"Progressive marriage". She's preening about this before they had a child which is grimly amusing because for many couples, they're "progressive" right up to that point. A man's true character is often revealed then, with the domestic laziness and selfishness kicking off when the kids appear. You only have to look at the Relationships board. But this husband has really outdone himself hasn't he? Poor woman, it's like the Stepford Wives or the final scene of Rosemary's Baby or something

Apart from the trans aspect, in many ways it is a familiar story. A woman trying hard to have an 'amicable' divorce for the sake of the dc, which really means doing what the father wants.

That's it. Well-expressed.

But women who are trying to protect their children or hold a family together often go to extreme lengths, be it excusing the inexcusable, forming unhealthy alliances and even throwing other women under the bus.

I agree. Apart from the trans aspect, in many ways it is a familiar story. A woman trying hard to have an 'amicable' divorce for the sake of the dc, which really means doing what the father wants.

@zanahoria I don't think she got out. Not really. Now her whole identity and writing is framed by her husband's story.

I don’t want to perpetuate stereotypes. D wasn’t hoovering under my feet. But there was a sense of collaborativeness we had as a married couple that I didn’t see reflected in even the most progressive marriages

Wow.
Talk about patronising.

'Progressive marriage?
Fuck off.

And ironic that she writes that considering the lack of respect her husband had for her.

all I can say is, at least she got out

I see she's been flogging her book to The Times too.

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/i-almost-heard-my-world-crack-in-two-bpk00bqxv

The Guardian article omitted the snobbish comment about Kim Kardashian but does have more wittering about how she and her husband were never like other ordinary, boring people.

Although she was still in a lonely predicament — “It is a dark day when Kris Kardashian seems relatable to you”, she observes

“I don’t want to perpetuate stereotypes. D wasn’t hoovering under my feet. But there was a sense of collaborativeness we had as a married couple that I didn’t see reflected in even the most progressive marriages

[quote squeaver]@HecatesCats Ah, no worries! Just funny when a name you remember pops up.[/quote]
😊👍

I think my personal feelings about her are closer to exasperation than they are to sympathy, especially after reading that tweet about asking her ex for permission to tell her own story in her own words.
But women who are trying to protect their children or hold a family together often do go to extreme lengths, be it excusing the inexcusable, forming unhealthy alliances and even throwing other women under the bus.
That's my take on it anyway, so no I don't exactly sympathise but I do get it.

@HecatesCats Ah, no worries! Just funny when a name you remember pops up.

Squeaver yes I wondered about that too. The cognitive dissonance is head melting.

I remember reading her account of her mum in her first book, she seemed really kind and tough and funny. They're a military family I think. Her daughter has indeed joined a cult but as she's so firmly embedded in the arts/media/literary world she's in a hard place.

I agree with Arabella and Hecate (I must ask - are you the original Hecate??).

I wonder what her views are on TW in sport, considering all of her previous writing and her close relationship with Judy Murray?

I think she deserves sympathy because her husband put her in an impossible situation in which he didn't support her during her first year of motherhood. Instead he made it all about him.

I don't think she deserves sympathy. It's not a question of whether I agree or disagree with her. She comes across as vain, self- centred and narcissistic.

For five agonising minutes, the nurses had him while I lay there – naked, numbed, immobile – waiting to begin the mothering

5 minutes - Big bloody deal. I had a cesarean section. I can't imagine being so full of my own self- importance to come up with that mindset at that moment.

Her joke at the expense of the pain and fright her son experienced at his vaccination is pathetic- she has to play the cool girl at every opportunity. I feel sorry for her child, not her.

I'm capable of extending sympathy and compassion to someone whose views I disagree with.

I think it's possible to look at the long list of traumatic experiences AH has had, the people in her circle, the industry she works in and to understand why she is behaving as she is. I don't agree with her, but I can see why it's happened.

I think there's a fair amount of cognitive dissonance going on on this thread with all the outpouring of sympathy. I've re- read the article. It's still narcissistic Cool Girl gets her come- uppance but cashes in on it.

This from Twitter thread is particularly obnoxious.

Alexandra Heminsley

Oct 27, 2020

^My son had his vaccination boosters today and I made a “white male fragility
” joke to the nurse when he cried and she clearly thought I was the worst mother ever born and now I must never get ill again I’m case I have to go back^

That is just such a navel gazing piece of tosh. It read likes she's thrown random paragraphs down in a sort of chronological order. I do feel sorry for her though.

Do many women still consider themselves a family with their husbands when they've separated from them? I don't know any who do

• and my best wishes to the women on here who've experienced the same. The gaslighting sounds so unbelievably difficult, and cruel.

It's a really odd article. I wonder whether the writer believes what she is saying deep down.

How the fuck can she?

I just can't wait for this to be over.

at one point she reported that her mother had said to her, "It's like you've joined a cult.

Oh, my word. to her mother.

I was hoping there would be a thread about this on MN.

I admired AH for a long time. I think she's an excellent writer and seems to be an intelligent woman and a good mother. What she's had to live through is tragic and horrible. I remember reading, on Instagram, her first post on her husband's decision to transition. It was incredibly moving.

I found this extract from her book profoundly depressing. Why can't she see the false equivalence she's making between her awful biology-based experiences and her ex's dysphoria? As someone mentioned above, after all her previous writing about the female experience, does she really believe in a lady-brain??

Couldn't she have found a way to accommodate her ex's new circumstances into their family life without completely swallowing the Kool-Aid? Cognitive dissonance sums it up.

I followed her on social media for a while until the JKR pronouncement and at one point she reported that her mother had said to her, "It's like you've joined a cult."

Yes, you have. You've joined a cult.

At least she managed to find a way out of the relationship. I know someone whose husband did this to her whilst she had a new baby. She is very unhappy but feels obliged to be supportive to her spouse (who is not being supportive of her). She thinks it would be transphobic to leave and blames herself for not being supportive enough.

Alexandra has managed to end the relationship and having a positive co-parrying relationship.