School closures: Thousands of women have just had their double shift doubled

I work 30hrs in a key worker position outside the home. H works fulltime from home. I have one child at college, and two at school, one of whom has Aspergers. I made the decision a couple of months before Christmas to stop doing all the housework I was doing, and this simply led to H berating the children for not pulling their weight. We have had to use savings to ensure each of them has a laptop to access remote learning, but I am not in the house to ensure it happens, and H thinks that as he is working when he is home, it's not up to him, which has been the same with general housework, though there is much fanfare if he has put a wash on during the day when I come back. Child with Aspergers has struggled enormously with the uncertainty.

It was coming anyway, but this has been the death knell for the marriage, and we are now going to separate, but that presents its own issues in the current situation, too, and obviously just because the marriage is over, as I am still in the home, when I am not at work, the default assumption is I will cook, clean, and monitor school. Even when I tried to drop it all deliberately, I was pestered constantly with 'What can I cook? What do we eat?' type questions via text. And obviously, I used the money I was saving to leave, to tide us over and now we're in Tier 4, so there's no realistic option of me being able to move on from this nightmare because I am the one on part time wages.

Is that all a feminist issue? Probably. Am I utterly exhausted? Fuck yes.

@Redlocks28 totally my experience too.
Just to give another perspective- lots of families I know it's been the women going out to work (in schools, nhs, law firms etc) and men staying at home with kids, then catching up with their work in evenings/weekends or taking annual leave.
Lots of the men really enjoyed the time with their kids. And several I know liked the opportunity to be more flexible with work, knowing that their colleagues and bosses would be understanding. When previously they felt they needed to be 'on' full time even when family life needed flexibitly but in a more hidden way (like no one in the house sleeping cos of newborn, or wife pregnant and needing a lot of support etc), now they know they could share their need to be flexible and everyone at work would understand.
So in some cases I think lockdown has been very helpful for businesses seeing that they can and need to be flexible with all parents. Ie I think in some circumstances lockdown has helped make parenting more equal

It is a huge issue for women

Children too who lose out

So if that didn't make sense- with the lack of childcare I went for the ' on the clock 10-12 h per day' model but still had to cut some work. The bits that get cut are the bits that progress your career ( research in my case) because you can't cut the basics (teaching) but doing only the basics makes you look like a failure (not clever enough for research).

I expect there are analogous problems in a lot of career type jobs, having those extra couple of hours each day disproportionately affects career progression. It's a feminist issue even in normal times.

Furlough should be offered to parents of primary aged children off school.

I think the school closures will attract more sympathy because they're so publicised. It's the two-weeks bubble burst isolation that has completely done in a lot of my friends.

Well here's one thing, realise this is a small problem compared to others.

I'm in the initial 5 year period of a job (university lecturer). University offered to delay people's tenure review due to covid. Which sounds nice until you realise it's another year on lower pay, vulnerable to redundancy, can't be promoted.

I've put mine in anyway asking them to judge me pro rata on the years I've worked there, leaving out 2020 which was a write off due to toddlers and covid related teaching work. It could backfire I suppose but I think it could open a conversation also.

Luckily for me my husband does his half (two toddlers at home) but even that doesn't make it fair as I have plenty of (male) colleagues whose wives are sorting the kids and they are charging ahead with their careers. Unfortunately those are the people to whom I will be compared in future

Thanks for starting this thread OP.
I agree with so much of what has been written.
It's fascinating to read the herculean efforts we are all making to cope with the ridiculous burden of work that's been placed on us.
My own situation isn't too bad as I work part time from home.
I'm aware that's unusual and privileged. And also (conversely) that's it's not for the ambitious.
So although it's working for me personally- it concerns me that it's almost the only kind of work that's possible for women right now.
The ability to make a living has just been taken away from vast numbers of women.
I worry about the children that places in poverty right now.
And I worry for the position of women when all this is over. As pp said: We may be put back 50 years.
I agree with OP that some kind of homeschooling allowance should be provided. It would be a really essential safety net for women and children facing poverty now that paid work has become so difficult. And would also keep a bit more money circulating around the economy- which is badly needed.
I also agree with PPS who have pointed out how undervalued childcare and homeschooling is.
I think on some level the government has decided that less good parenting is a price they're willing to pay to keep the economy going/people alive.
It's morally horrific because for a minority of kids this has meant a slide into actual neglect (I don't mean warm, well fed kids watching too much Netflix. That's not neglect no matter how guilty you feel about it!)
Most kids are fine but as pp have said, that's because Mums are wearing ourselves to the bone to make it all work out. I agree with the PP who said women just love their kids more. We know this fall's to us and we sacrifice to make it work. Public policy right now is like a master class in taking that for granted.

Great post, cheddar
My work expected quite a lot of me last time and my DH did four full days of childcare for a 1yo and 3yo and I did one, he's a teacher and could just about manage that if he did evenings too.
The 3yo is now four and a bit easier but the toddler can't be left to her own devices or the tv for longer than about half an hour.
If it was possible to work from home with small kids we'd all do it! It's expressly forbidden at my work, but not when they need you to, eh?

To be honest I'm dreading my 2 going back. There school is open but I'm expecting regular homeschooling due to periods of self isolation like last term. Trying to juggle wfh and school work with 2 children is exhausting. My day is so much longer as I start earlier/finish later just so I can spend some time with them during the day. I was offered a promotion a few months back but turned it down as it would mean an increase in hours. It's not sustainable, and I feel like my dc are being neglected by being left to their own devices for hours on end.

My work can be done from home. But the assumption is that it can magically e done while looking after kids. The reality was I was online for 12 to 14 hours with very short breaks to feed the kids/try to get them to log on/tell them to go to bed. Everyone’s mental health suffered.

I quit my job when it was clear we couldn't cope with a full time job and a part time job on my return from mar leave in the autumn. Husband is the higher earner. It feels like a smart choice now but I used to have a professional career and now I'm unemployed. The alternative was breastfeeding half the night and working shifts around toddlers though so it might have killed us.

I came on to say that the decision to keep primaries open is a feminist issue, with women making up 82% of the workforce. As is the problem with the burden of home learning disproportionately falling on women's shoulders. They're not mutually exclusive.
HeartLantern, you must consider women as a class in this context, not necessarily let your own experience inform your thinking.
A PP mentioned unworkable home learning provision. As a primary school teacher, the guidance during the first lockdown was that daily home learning should amount to approximately 2 hours, with many schools opting to offer additional learning opportunities and project style self directed tasks for children who might enjoy or benefit from a fuller offering to engage with. DCs school and mine, like many others, offered a tiered 'must, should, could' model, whereby the 'must' comprised one English and one maths task per day, expected to take approximately 2h to complete, the 'should' representing 'lighter' more self-directed tasks such as practising set spellings, or doing a 15 minute stint on an allocated times table app or completing a short set task on an online platform, while the 'could' would be research based challenges, art projects or extended writing tasks to choose from. This tiered smörgåsbord model allows parents like me with a DC with SEN, who absolutely loathed home learning, to cap our efforts at the minimum level of 'must', while DC2, who is a real keener, could engage with the 'should' and 'could' with little if any parental intervention.

@GoldenOmber

I wish the government would approach it from the other direction. Rather than deciding children need to be at home so whatever that means for parents is tough luck, maybe ask your employer to be flexible or something ()

Instead start off with the obvious: it is not possible to care for and homeschool young children and also do most paid jobs at the same time. We know that. So given that, what policies or support system or legislation do we need to put into place to fill the gap if schools and/or childcare need to close? And then go from there.

I know it’s not just women who are affected, but we all know it’s primarily women. And it’s so maddening and sad how much of the public discussion around this (when it even exists!) treats caring for and educating children as things we just make happen that don’t require any actual time, and that we should stop whinging about not being able to outsource.

If workplaces aren’t specific about requirements, they’ll get people (women) working themselves endlessly, not working endlessly but feeling endlessly guilty, or getting sacked because they aren’t working endlessly. Yay, fun!

There should be official government guidelines along the lines of the Working Time Directive acknowledging that homeschool/childcare is work and including it in official hours worked.

jeaux90 This is a feminist issue, of course it is, the government don't give a shit about mums, single or married.

--- this 1 million times.

Although I had hoped employers may see the benefit of home working and that that may help women but now I wonder ...

grassisjeweled I think in part because employment structures are just so anti women.

All the caring work is so undervalued.

Once you get to one income you create real power imbalances.

That is what I have realised anyhow.

When I do get employed again I never ever want to be unemployed again.

I love my children and I could not have truly foreseen brexit and covid but I do feel by "not working" even though I work really hard - one of my children has full on needs- I am just supporting the patriarchy and somehow this god awful conservative govt.

And what is annoying is if I had stayed employed it would take the pressure off somewhat.
My dear husband who actually was someone who really did prioritise his children has just found that brexit and covid are like a perfect storm. So he feels he has to work like a demon to secure his business because you never know what is going to happen.

Problem is, why aren't more women pissed off about it? Because they're too busy at home with the kids? Juggling 4 jobs?

Can't expect men to be pissed off about it, obviously

I left my career land became a sahm because I saved up and wanted a career break with my kids and I was working long long hours without being financially compensated. I had intended to go back and get work this March or after the 11 plus process for my eldest child.

My husband has a business and he has worked every single day apart from 4 sundays and Christmas Day. His business can be adversely impacted by covid and brexit.

We both feel trapped.

He needs to ensure his business survives and has actually supported the females in his business - one has a disabled child and another is past retirement age - so in doing the right thing he goes in (as he is the youngest) and they work from home.
He also is really understanding so doesn't push them.

At the moment we don't even sleep in the same room because we don't want one of us to get covid. My children have self isolated twice each and thankfully have not got covid yet.

We have no close family as they are overseas.

But I managed to get my eldest through 11 plus as he was going to a school that feel apart in year 5 anyhow as had multiple teachers leave (funnily 2 were working mum's with your children who were great teachers but I think they just had had enough).

Where I live in London top grades are really key.

What is interesting to me is that it seems to me it is mainly women who take on the extra tuition and many are called "tiger mums" or I am told "you are so lucky you don't have a full tile job to hold down and homeschool"...

But I know there are so many more really suffering. I try drop off food parcels and cooking to some friends I know are struggling financially or mentally and it is getting scary seeing some friends. They seem to really have got down. Abs obviously I can't really stay as I don't have time and we are in tier 4

And not just young children either (although that’s my own experience at the moment). Children with SEN, children who need more support than the hone learning material and a textbook can provide, children who could work independently to some degree but are lonely and miserable and worried and don’t want to be on their own in front of a laptop all day in an empty house aged 12.

I wish the government would approach it from the other direction. Rather than deciding children need to be at home so whatever that means for parents is tough luck, maybe ask your employer to be flexible or something ()

Instead start off with the obvious: it is not possible to care for and homeschool young children and also do most paid jobs at the same time. We know that. So given that, what policies or support system or legislation do we need to put into place to fill the gap if schools and/or childcare need to close? And then go from there.

I know it’s not just women who are affected, but we all know it’s primarily women. And it’s so maddening and sad how much of the public discussion around this (when it even exists!) treats caring for and educating children as things we just make happen that don’t require any actual time, and that we should stop whinging about not being able to outsource.

@jeaux90 - I hear you. I'm also a single parent and last lockdown was a bloody nightmare. My autistic teen's fragile mental health is back on an even keel now but he will not cope with another prolonged period at home.

And work is only so tolerant. In the weeks before Christmas which I had to homeschool, I was working from 6am until 11pm to try and fit in everything. That isn't sustainable long term

This is not the cause of the problem, it simply magnifies a problem that still exists and has done for centuries. And whilst parents continue to raise their boys to focus on success in their career and not help around the home, and raise their girls to be more concerned about hair and make up and aspire only to traditional female roles, nothing will change.

On the flip side, companies are now far more open to people working from home which will offer many working mums the flexibility they have been fighting for, for a long time.

The IFS and UCL researchers found that:

	* Mothers are more likely than fathers to have left paid work since February. 
	* Among mothers and fathers who are still in paid work, mothers have seen a bigger proportional reduction in hours of work than fathers.
	*Among those doing paid work at home, mothers are more likely than fathers to be spending their work hours simultaneously trying to care for children. 

The problem for women is that they care too much about their children and so they can't stand to see them neglected.

When push comes to shove they make the sacrifices and men don't. I actually think in the majority of cases women just love their children more.