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OP posts:
Babdoc · 27/12/2020 16:51

I’m very glad I was young in the 1970’s, when boyfriends were gentle long haired hippy types, and being “good in bed” meant knowing a) where the clitoris was and b) how to give your girlfriend an orgasm!
Porn (apart from hard core nasty stuff, which was inaccessible to most young lads pre internet) was largely harmless magazines, with hilarious readers’ stories and pics of readers wives (and even husbands!), which couples often giggled over together.
I am revolted and horrified by the violent degradation (and risk of strangulation or bowel perforation) awaiting young girls today, and despair of how we turn this around.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 27/12/2020 16:42

I grew up 40 years ago when men took pride in their skill in cunnilingus. Being good in bed was really important to the men I knew. I had many lovely sexual experiences as a wild young thing and it very much saddens me to know that young women now are looking at such a bleak, ugly sexual landscape.

Blubellsarebells · 27/12/2020 16:24

"Women socialised to please males must absorb this and pretend to enjoy it too, indeed their 'enjoyment' is now necessary to demonstrate their 'empowerment'."
I dont think some of them care if we enjoy it or not.
The last man I slept with admitted to me he didn't.
Awful experience all round.
Knowing that most of them are so porn sick really puts me off trying to start a relationship.

Yogatomorrow · 27/12/2020 16:01

It pains me to see organisations like Childline assisting with the normalisation of - what is increasingly violent - porn.

What has ChildLine done?

Sheleg · 27/12/2020 15:45

As the mother of a young daughter I find this extremely upsetting and worrying.

HecatesCats · 27/12/2020 15:19

It reminds me of the 'I don't mind males in single sex spaces argument', Avocado. Well that's all very well and good but we know women are more likely to be attacked in mixed sex spaces and if women's spaces become a free for all that increases the likelihood of women being attacked. Likewise normalising strangulation increases the likelihood of other women getting hurt if not killed.

Original poster
queenofknives · 27/12/2020 15:14

@madcatladyforever

Thank God I'm old now and don't have to negotiate my way through this maze. I thought the casual sexism I experienced in my youth was awful, it was nothing to this.
I keep thinking about dipping my toe into dating again... then I see stuff like this. I'm so, so glad that I'm not having to negotiate this world as a young woman anymore.
OP posts:
Original poster
queenofknives · 27/12/2020 15:13

That is really scary AvocadoBathroom. I remember a couple of years ago, a woman writer reacted to an article about strangling by having a huge tantrum, saying she was 'shaking and crying' because this is how she gets off and people must therefore not criticise it as a practice. I honestly couldn't believe the total self-absorbtion that her response indicated but then she had hundreds of supportive comments. Yes, if that's what you want to do sexually, who cares? But it's obvious that sexual violence has been mainstreamed, the same way porn mainstreamed super-high heels and the "Hollywood" wax.

It is really awful that children as young as 13 (and no doubt younger) are aware of this stuff on any level. I think I was about 12 or 13 when I first saw pornography (a friend's dad had a huge stash of magazines). I thought it was gross and disgusting and humiliating, but looking back, it was all quite innocent compared to what porn is like now.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 27/12/2020 15:09

Thank God I'm old now and don't have to negotiate my way through this maze. I thought the casual sexism I experienced in my youth was awful, it was nothing to this.

AvocadoBathroom · 27/12/2020 15:04

That was meant to say "young boys are being weaponized by the internet"

AvocadoBathroom · 27/12/2020 15:01

I did a post about the shocking statistics of young women being strangled on dates on facebook and got jumped upon by a couple of women who like being strangled. They couldn't see it wasn't about their consensual fetish but about men doing this as a non consensual act to young women on dates... do I need to say these women dont have daughters?

My kids range between 8 and 13 and they have all heard of pornhub. They've all seen Belle Delphine. Yet they all though Santa left them a stocking full of treats. Young boys are bring weapons by the internet to hate women. Young women are being taught by the internet to hate themselves.

HecatesCats · 27/12/2020 14:57

I often wonder if this is part of the reason why young people are engaged in so much 'identity' exploration - instead of sex seeming like an exciting adventure to embark upon, it probably seems quite terrifying (to both sexes).

I can imagine it does. It pains me to see organisations like Childline assisting with the normalisation of - what is increasingly violent - porn. When all the grown ups in
the room are busy earning woke credits by being oh so relaxed about degrading pornography, it must seem to some like that's an inevitable part of the adult experience.

Original poster
queenofknives · 27/12/2020 14:34

I tend to see it much the same way as you HecatesCats. It is really upsetting to think of young women and girls having to negotiate these sorts of expectations. I often wonder if this is part of the reason why young people are engaged in so much 'identity' exploration - instead of sex seeming like an exciting adventure to embark upon, it probably seems quite terrifying (to both sexes). Maybe some of the turn towards embracing different gender identities is driven by a need to establish some kind of control or boundaries around sexual activity.

I'm not really saying anything new there, I know, but sex and dating seems really scary these days. And of course, it makes women really, really vulnerable. If sexual violence is 'normal' and porn normalises men getting off on violently abusing women, then no doubt many women are having horrible, abusive sexual experiences and blaming themselves for not enjoying it.

OP posts:
HecatesCats · 27/12/2020 14:08

It's really upsetting and redolent of the way in which porn objectifies women so that their suffering becomes necessary for male pleasure. Women socialised to please males must absorb this and pretend to enjoy it too, indeed their 'enjoyment' is now necessary to demonstrate their 'empowerment'. I do also wonder if it's important that sexual relationships are anything but the dreaded 'vanilla' nowadays - which in reality might mean genuine respect (and self respect), care and in actual fact real pleasure for women.

When I was in my late teens/early twenties there was a lot of peer group pressure to say you enjoyed anal sex. Whilst there are women who enjoy anal sex, it's much more pleasurable for the average man, because of their anatomy, than it is for the average woman. I see this as an extension of that, in this case I'm sure there are women who enjoy BDSM but the normalisation of violent porn means the average young woman must now demonstrate they enjoy their own degradation (because it ultimately pleases men).

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