Page 17 | Would you ok your son wearing a dress?

KristinaJup · 2020-12-12T18:46:53+00:00

Candace Owens recently tweeted (in response to Harry Styles wearing a dress on a magazine cover) "Bring Back Manly Men".. amongst other things. Who really cares if a guy wears tutus and glittery dresses? Prince was hot af in his heels and Makeup. Imo I would have no problem with it at all if my son wanted to put on a skirt but the tweet gained a lot of traction and I saw quite a few memes and lots of fingers pointed at feminism for "ruining men" If we carry on this way the next thing will be....women should not be wearing trousers! What do you think?

DidoLamenting · 13/12/2020 00:35

@Time40

Harry Styles looks odd

No he doesn't. He looks bloody fantastic! He has a great fashion sense, and he knows what really suits him.

No, He really does and he really hasn't.

FourPlatinumRings · 13/12/2020 00:34

It wasn't so long ago women were not 'supposed' to wear trousers

Exactly.

Frenchdressing · 13/12/2020 00:32

Harry Styles is wearing it as a fashion statement. I doubt he does his shopping in a dress.

BigBaublesGalore · 13/12/2020 00:31

@FourPlatinumRings

OK so if one simply stated 'I don't want my little boy to wear a dress because I believe its a girls item of clothes' (something many people say and think behind closed doors but darent voice for fear of being labelled all manner of things) would you simply accept it or what it be met with 'you're out of date' 'old fashioned' 'ignorant' 'uneducated' I e 'you're wrong'

I think it's similar to saying, 'I don't want my boy to be a nurse because I believe that only girls should do that.' And yes, I think it's wrong to deny a person an article of clothing because of their genitalia.

It wasn't so long ago women were not 'supposed' to wear trousers

MandalaYogaTapestry · 13/12/2020 00:31

I wouldn't be happy with my son wearing a dress any more than I would with my husband wearing one

SleepingStandingUp · 13/12/2020 00:30

@bigbaublesgalore probably. We've already encountered the first "the girls wouldn't let me play because I'm a boy" in the first term of yr1.

Tbh he's quite linear in his thinking at times so I don't think he's all because I think he's socialised enough to know it's a girl item. Whereas as dress up he's not a girl, he's going pretending to be a girl.

FourPlatinumRings · 13/12/2020 00:30

Bigbaulbles- I'm glad that your son has a good response. But realistically that is not the case for most.

Based on what data?

BigBaublesGalore · 13/12/2020 00:30

@Crystalclair

Bigbaulbles- I'm glad that your son has a good response. But realistically that is not the case for most.

Some parents are so wrapped up in pleasing their child to the extent that they forget that in life we have to conform sometimes and can't always have our own way. Are you going to suggest when he is older, that it's fine to go for an office job in the city with a sparkly pink jacket - because he should be able to wear what he wants? No, because sometimes we have to dress for the job, wear a uniform etc.

Of course not, he's not silly and he would understand that too. Same as a girl wanting to wear a princess dress, doesn't mean she will want to as an adult for an interview. He's not questioned his uniform at school and I'm so careful not to push him either way with his choices. I think he just loves a bit glitz and glam... he also has a thanos costume and wishes he was spiderman so he's just being himself atm. I thought the rainbows and sparkles would be a phase but we're 4 years in now and I don't see it letting up. I do worry about him getting bullied, especially in high school but there's a lot of acceptance especially for the kids who are confident in their choices so I'm thankful he's a confident child as he can hold his own but I can see how for more timid children it could be very damaging

Savourysenorita · 13/12/2020 00:29

@Crystalclair

Savory- I think we are the minority!

I've seen it first hand - couple have a baby girl, pink is the anti christ! Girl becomes toddler and is not allowed to wear a dress as its "not practical". Fair enough - makes sense to me. BUT, same couple go on to have a boy. But all of the sudden the boy is running around the soft play with a sparkly dress and tights because "ohh we don't want our son to conform to stereotypes, he is free to wear what he wants"

But we all know that's not the case, because he isn't actually deciding what he wants to wear, because you are! Because you have an agenda. And I'm sure the dress in question was super practical at the softplay 🙄

You're absolutely spot on. A friend of mine did this and I'm very thankful she never asked my opinion about it...

FourPlatinumRings · 13/12/2020 00:28

OK so if one simply stated 'I don't want my little boy to wear a dress because I believe its a girls item of clothes' (something many people say and think behind closed doors but darent voice for fear of being labelled all manner of things) would you simply accept it or what it be met with 'you're out of date' 'old fashioned' 'ignorant' 'uneducated' I e 'you're wrong'

I think it's similar to saying, 'I don't want my boy to be a nurse because I believe that only girls should do that.' And yes, I think it's wrong to deny a person an article of clothing because of their genitalia.

Crystalclair · 13/12/2020 00:27

Sleeping - no I didn't buy him barbies and pink dresses. I have two older girls, so the stuff was there. If he played with it I was totally fine with it. But I'd never actively go out and buy it for him.

TableFlowerss · 13/12/2020 00:27

I wouldn’t like it no. Kids get picked on enough for things beyond a parents control, ie wearing glasses, having big teeth, too small, too tall etc -

So anything that would cause potential ridicule I would try to avoid at all costs to protect my child from getting bullied and laughed at potentially. Sadly, we’re not in a place where a make child going to primary school in a dress is common place. If and when it becomes the norm, then my opinion would be different.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/12/2020 00:25

@madcatladyforever

I grew up in the 80's when men wore frilly shirts and makeup so I don't think I'd be that bothered.

I'm sad I was born in the 80s and therefore essentially missed it all

BigBaublesGalore · 13/12/2020 00:25

@SleepingStandingUp

I do love a man in a tutu. Preferably with combat trousers and rock boy boots but still 🤣

DS has a princess dress, he's never asked to wear it out and in grateful because frankly we get enough funny looks over his O2 tubes. I'd also be nervous of he wanted to wear it for school due to bullying.

Beyond that he's never asked, but it feels wierd telling him no potentially when he's allowed a doll, dance classes, long hair etc

I was worried about bullying too but tbh my son has had so much support and compliments from 99 percent of people. Kids do ask sometimes why he's wearing girls clothes and he just says mind your own business. He thinks it's because the boys want to keep him on their team and the girls don't want him in their team... probably not too far from human sheep mentality tbh

SleepingStandingUp · 13/12/2020 00:24

@Time40

Harry Styles looks odd

No he doesn't. He looks bloody fantastic! He has a great fashion sense, and he knows what really suits him.

For the record, my kids could play with whatever they wanted and dress how THEY chose at home. But I didn't have to buy my boys barbies and pink dresses just to seem pc. So you brought your son Barbie's and pink dresses because he wanted them but you assume other parents only do it to make a point??

Tbf I wouldn't buy anyone a Barbie, DS lives my old dolls tho

CrazyToast · 13/12/2020 00:24

@SimonJT hahahah and here I thought I was just an non-muslim shalwar-wearing non-white brit!

Crystalclair · 13/12/2020 00:23

TeenyTiny- I live in London and it's pretty standard here!

Crystalclair · 13/12/2020 00:22

Bigbaulbles- I'm glad that your son has a good response. But realistically that is not the case for most.

Some parents are so wrapped up in pleasing their child to the extent that they forget that in life we have to conform sometimes and can't always have our own way. Are you going to suggest when he is older, that it's fine to go for an office job in the city with a sparkly pink jacket - because he should be able to wear what he wants? No, because sometimes we have to dress for the job, wear a uniform etc.

BigBaublesGalore · 13/12/2020 00:22

@Crystalclair

Savory- I think we are the minority!

I've seen it first hand - couple have a baby girl, pink is the anti christ! Girl becomes toddler and is not allowed to wear a dress as its "not practical". Fair enough - makes sense to me. BUT, same couple go on to have a boy. But all of the sudden the boy is running around the soft play with a sparkly dress and tights because "ohh we don't want our son to conform to stereotypes, he is free to wear what he wants"

But we all know that's not the case, because he isn't actually deciding what he wants to wear, because you are! Because you have an agenda. And I'm sure the dress in question was super practical at the softplay 🙄

I'm sure there are parents like that but they're still fine. There shouldn't be stereotypes. However it is ridiculous to say a toddler is choosing their own clothes

For me, I used to buy all my kids clothes online so they didn't have a choice and I bought 'girly' things for my dd and blue, blacks and greys for my ds.

When he was about 3 I took him to the shop to buy some trainers and he beelined for the sparkles and rainbows... was I nervous? Yes but his dad said no way was he telling his ds he couldn't wear pink and that's the right way to go and ds was so happy.

I still carried on buying clothes online til ds was 5-6 and we happened to go on a shopping spree for the first time because we were going on our first family holiday and the kids needed clothes

And it was the first time that ds was able to look at clothes himself and he chose all pink, all sparkles, glitter and rainbows and even dresses and the odd Spider-Man, and superhero t shirt

He literally just likes what he likes and I don't believe I'd ever tell him he needs to tow the stereotype line

Savourysenorita · 13/12/2020 00:18

@TeenyTinyDustinHoffman

It's loaded because you've chosen it to be. My original statement remains the same in essence..... The world has gone crazy that we're all judgey against mums who have some kind of societal boundaries/norms when bringing up their CHILDREN. Anyone that dares to say 'you know what. I would discourage my (under 18)son wearing a dress because I don't think it's "normal" in our society would be attacked left right and centre. Freedom of speech is only allowed to exist where its left wing - pc approved.

Who exactly is silencing you? You have the freedom to share whatever opinions on fashion you like. What you are describing is people disagreeing with you.

OK so if one simply stated 'I don't want my little boy to wear a dress because I believe its a girls item of clothes' (something many people say and think behind closed doors but darent voice for fear of being labelled all manner of things) would you simply accept it or what it be met with 'you're out of date' 'old fashioned' 'ignorant' 'uneducated' I e 'you're wrong'

SleepingStandingUp · 13/12/2020 00:18

I do love a man in a tutu. Preferably with combat trousers and rock boy boots but still 🤣

DS has a princess dress, he's never asked to wear it out and in grateful because frankly we get enough funny looks over his O2 tubes. I'd also be nervous of he wanted to wear it for school due to bullying.

Beyond that he's never asked, but it feels wierd telling him no potentially when he's allowed a doll, dance classes, long hair etc

Time40 · 13/12/2020 00:17

Harry Styles looks odd

No he doesn't. He looks bloody fantastic! He has a great fashion sense, and he knows what really suits him.

ReeseWitherfork · 13/12/2020 00:16

The world has gone crazy that we're all judgey against mums who have some kind of societal boundaries/norms when bringing up their CHILDREN. Anyone that dares to say 'you know what. I would discourage my (under 18)son wearing a dress because I don't think it's "normal" in our society would be attacked left right and centre. Freedom of speech is only allowed to exist where its left wing - pc approved.

You feel judged and that your freedom of speech is being taken away from you because you wouldn't be happy with your son doing something that wasn't societally normal? But you can't see a scenario where your son would want to dress like Elsa, or put on his sisters skirt, or just wear something loose and floaty in the summer heat? Saying "no" to him is surely being judgemental and removing his freedoms?

I'm not attacking you at all, I can definitely see where you are coming from. But I also think if your son asked for a dress, or picked up a dress and put it on, for whatever reason, then you should be helping him navigate that and not stopping it.

FourPlatinumRings · 13/12/2020 00:16

But without guidance to what is "socially appropriate" you're not patenting in my opinion. (bear in mind we are specifically talking about children here) a parents job is to guide their children because the children simply do not know about society and the cultural "norms" (we all have them I'm afraid and we're very lucky in a Christian Liberal country that ours are rather Liberal) it wouldn't be appropriate for me to send my ds into school wearing purple socks because his school uniform states he wears black socks. Should I tell school he needs to 'express himself'? Sometimes there are societal rules (either written or unwritten) and it's our job to guide our children what is appropriate to protect and develop them.

There's nothing socially inappropriate about boys not conforming to arbitrary notions of masculinity. Teach them that there is and you wind up with boys who feel they need to rebrand themselves as girls in order to be who they want to be. .

TeenyTinyDustinHoffman · 13/12/2020 00:16

I think there are many parents these days who just choose to be controversial to be seen as edgy and current. Like only buying their son pink, tutu's, dollies. And their daughter's dressed in typical boys style clothes playing with trucks etc.

You know, I hear so much about these dogmatic parents who force their sons into tutus and threaten to disown their daughter if she so much as looks as a Barbie doll... And yet I have yet to meet them. I've met plenty of parents who buy their sons dolls and their daughters trucks because their children have expressed that they want those things. But that's not quite the same thing, is it?